Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Why don't people like me?

Whenever I say an opinion, they tend to not agree with me. I thought that this was an IQ problem, but I can easily get high scores on online IQ tests and I even got into Mensa quite easily even when I was depressed. I just don't understand why I don't have any allies in my life. This is rather causing me mental disturbances like I go very crazy about this. I really have no friends. My father is the same; he doesn't have any friends and is unemployed. Maybe I inherited this from him, but I won't let stupid genetics get in the way of my goals. I just don't know what to do anymore. Every time I speak, I'd embarrass myself and ruin my reputation.

I just cannot come up with anything creative to say to anyone. I'm horrible at every single kind of conversation that I can't form any connections to anyone.

I don't think it actually matters since no one even considers my ideas in groupwork for class anyway. Why would they consider my ideas outside of groups?

I feel like fucking dying if it keeps continuing. It's that serious. What is the point of living life when no one takes your advice? I'm not entirely suicidal, but it would feel like hell on Earth.

I haven't really gotten a lot of help on this over the years, and all I got was ridicule.

GiftedOne, I'm sorry to hear of the unfortunate results when interacting with others. I don't have any real answers, but want to demonstrate that you are worthwhile and so are your thoughts. So I am taking the time to post a reply.


In reading your post, several other threads came to mind that just may be of interest. They illustrate that you are not alone. I scouted around and found a few links.

Forums, Age or Ability Specific, Adult. If you scroll down to see the Display Options, you may see that only threads "active in the past 3 months" are being displayed to you, providing few threads. One can change the Display Options by selecting "from all dates" in the drop-down box and clicking "Change." Then there are many pages of threads.

One post that may be of interest is the discussion of an article on Why People Dislike Really Smart Leaders (http://giftedissues.davidsongifted....e_Why_People_Dislike_Rea.html#Post241019 ).

A few of the TV shows mentioned in this thread (http://giftedissues.davidsongifted....yal_of_gifted_in_mass_me.html#Post234275),
and movies mentioned in these threads:
1 - http://giftedissues.davidsongifted....14374/Movies_about_gifted.html#Post14374
2 - http://giftedissues.davidsongifted....Trailer_gifted_coming_in.html#Post235898
3 - http://giftedissues.davidsongifted....042/gifted_documentaries.html#Post239042
may be of interest... as they show some negative reactions which gifted people may experience. In some cases, while watching these TV shows, movies, or documentaries, we may start to think of helpful ways we might respond if we were that character.

Sometimes we can diffuse or deescalate a situation, sometimes we can consider how the situation might look to the other person (perspective taking or theory of mind (https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28215285/ )), sometimes we can look for patterns or consider whether an apology may help if we contributed negatively, sometimes it is best to give things a bit of time before trying again, sometimes we may just let go and move along as though nothing negative had happened.

I'm glad indigo responded to this...I looked back over your past posts and realized you've actually started several threads with no responses. Sorry we don't appear to have seen them; it takes a few posts to stop being hung up in moderation, so sometimes new posters don't get responses in a timely fashion, especially if a bunch of other posts come in at just the wrong time and push them down in the feed. It's not a reflection on you or your value--just a bit of a quirk of the system.

To your post: your value lies not in how other people view you, but simply in your humanity. I also see that you have a child--someone precious and unique (like yourself) who exists because of you. And do you value your little one for what they do for you? Or simply because they are the unique life they are?

I am sorry that you have had a particularly challenging journey in life to this point, but know that there are those of us out here who believe in your worth. Someone like us is somewhere in your local community. You may not have met them yet, or perhaps their voices have been quiet, and obscured at times by others, but they are there. Keep your eyes and ears open for them.

And in the meantime, I would strongly encourage you to seek mental health counseling/psychotherapy. I hear you asking for help, and that would be a very good place to start. A competent professional would not ridicule you.

Hi GiftedOne,
I don’t post here very often. In fact, it has been years…but I still read regularly, and wanted to say hello, and offer what encouragement I can.

For starters, I empathize with how lonely you must feel. I have had my own difficulties forming friendships over the years, for my own unique reasons, mostly social anxiety and avoidance on my part. And for years, I thought there was something wrong with me. I am just now, in fact, finding the courage to take more risks socially and reach out to people—and have found success really depends heavily on not only the people I choose to try this with (I have little to no success with comfortably “mainstream” folks, who think I’m weird; oddballs and fringe dwellers are more interesting, plus forgiving), but also how many times I try with lots of different kinds of people. You sound like you’ve tried a lot, and are suffering for it, and I am so, so sorry. But I am certain your “tribe” is out there, and you are certainly worthwhile. They are probably just invisible to you, some perhaps having suffered similarly, maybe reluctant to show themselves.

For example, I would try very little before, hit a few “failures”, and take every disinterested party’s reaction instantly to heart as a sign of rejection by all of humanity. When in fact, I have since realized, I was mostly giving up too soon (I don’t mean with the same individuals, I mean in attempting with many different kinds of people so as to increase the likelihood of a success) plus being so over-subtle, despite thinking I was being obvious, tthat they thought I wasn’t interested in them!

As another example, one autistic person I know who is excellent at “masking” told me that she believes herself to have the “uncanny valley” effect on neurotypical folks, and I’ve seen it in action. People sometimes don’t like her from the moment she walks into a room, and it’s baffling really, she’s a lovely person with great social skills. She said she thinks people can simply intuit she’s not quite “right”, and so they feel an automatic sense of almost revulsion toward her.

My point being that there are all kinds of reasons people might reject us, often having to do with themselves. Sometimes it really is us, and we need to introspect and study our own social habits. When not finding success connecting with a particular person or group it’s also ok to just chalk that one up to experience and move on. I know it’s easier said than done, believe me, but success is often just around the next corner. And you are absolutely worthwhile and profoundly unique, as we all are. Please don’t give up.

All it takes is one. If you can find ONE person to see you in a positive light, your foot is in the door. And the good will can spread from there. Also, someone to coach you on social skills.
https://www.succeedsocially.com/
This website is worth checking out. Something for just about every social circumstance.