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    #248164 - 03/03/21 12:10 PM To gifted adults who may be struggling
    indigo Offline
    Member

    Registered: 04/27/13
    Posts: 4519
    From time to time, gifted adults fortunately find this forum when they may be struggling. After some discussion they may reveal that they wish their parents woulda-coulda-shoulda done things differently.

    Not coincidentally, many parents may have similar thoughts, "If I knew then what I know now...!"

    This post is intended to foster mutual understanding that it may be difficult for parents to become well-versed in giftedness while managing other responsibilities... and prior to information being readily available on the internet, it was nearly impossible... unless you happened to know someone who happened to know someone who was open to discussing the topic, sharing the story of their journey, and pointing to the few resources that were available at the time.

    Although some families may have multi-generational history in recognizing, accepting, and nurturing giftedness... many families do not, therefore parents inexperienced in gifted differences have often been caught off-guard and unaware. The book, "A Parent's Guide to Gifted Children" (James T. Webb, et al) was published in 2007, and only in recent years (as the internet became accessible to more people, and search engine strength increased) did more parents become aware of support for gifted children... via SENG, Hoagies Gifted Education Page, Davidson Institute, and the blossoming network of schools, camps, and even specialists well-versed in giftedness throughout the lifespan.

    Here's a thread which may be of interest - Gifted adults-what did your parents do right/wrong (2012).

    If it helps to commiserate, there are many in the same boat... "Welcome to the club!"
    There is much helpful information and inspiration to be found on this forum... both in old posts and new.

    I'll close with an encouraging quote from Dr. Seuss, as seen in the book, "Oh, the Places You'll Go" (1990)
    "The book concerns the journey of life and its challenges." - Wikipedia
    Originally Posted By: book, "Oh the Places You'll Go" by Dr. Seuss
    You have brains in your head.
    You have feet in your shoes.
    You can steer yourself
    any direction you choose.
    You're on your own. And you know what you know.
    And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

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    #248391 - 03/24/21 05:51 AM Re: To gifted adults who may be struggling [Re: indigo]
    indigo Offline
    Member

    Registered: 04/27/13
    Posts: 4519
    A very wise teacher once heard a cacophony of student complaints, along the lines of:
    - "Who wants to read about this?"
    - "What are we learning this for?"
    - "When are we ever going to use this stuff?
    - "Where will it make a difference?"
    - "Why are we learning it now?"

    This was before the internet, smart phones, and calculators, when people needed to be self-reliant. The teacher told the class about timing, and won them over. While a quick surface knowledge of some things may be learned on-the-spot today through search engines and social media, the premise of timing still holds true.

    Originally Posted By: wise teacher (paraphrased)
    Timing. All of you will have different lives. Everyone will have a different knowledge base.

    It is rare in life that you learn something AT THE VERY MOMENT you think you need it, or wish you knew more about that particular subject. Very rare. You can't suspend time or freeze action while you learn on-the-spot. Events unfold, time marches on, and waits for no one.

    There are many times in life that a person must face a situation unprepared and unarmed with the knowledge they need. People often learn something AFTER it may have made a significant difference. It may be common to hear people acknowledge, even years later, wistfully or with regret, "I wish I knew then, what I know now."

    Wonderful are opportunities to learn something BEFORE you have a direct need to apply the information, and before you feel the pinch of sorrow that the information is coming too late. Please appreciate the opportunity to learn all you can, build a strong knowledge base, make connections with other concepts you've learned, and file away the information so you can retrieve it later should a need arise.

    Given that it is rare to learn something in the moment you need to know it...
    would you rather learn something BEFORE you may need it,
    or AFTER you needed it?

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    #248392 - 03/24/21 06:11 AM Re: To gifted adults who may be struggling [Re: indigo]
    indigo Offline
    Member

    Registered: 04/27/13
    Posts: 4519
    An interesting and applicable excerpt from the book, Once and Future King by T.H.White.(Synopsis here, several quotes here.)

    Originally Posted By: brief excerpt from T.H. White, "The Once And Future King"
    ďThe best thing for being sad," replied Merlin... "is to learn something. That's the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then ó to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting. Learning is the only thing for you. Look what a lot of things there are to learn.Ē

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    #248426 - 03/28/21 06:57 AM Re: To gifted adults who may be struggling [Re: indigo]
    indigo Offline
    Member

    Registered: 04/27/13
    Posts: 4519
    A few thoughts on self-esteem, which may be of interest to gifted adults who may be struggling...

    1) Mayo Clinic - free advice and list of steps to consider taking:
    https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/self-esteem/art-20045374

    2) Psychology Today:
    - https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/...our-self-esteem (2017)
    - https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/self-esteem
    Originally Posted By: excerpt from article
    Signs of Strong Self-Esteem
    The confident person is easily spotted and commands attention. But there's a healthy balance between too little and too much self-worth. Here are some signs that an individual has the right dose.
    - Knows the difference between confidence and arrogance
    - Is not afraid of feedback
    - Does not people-please or seek approval
    - Is not afraid of conflict
    - Is able to set boundaries
    - Is able to voice needs and opinions
    - Is assertive, but not pushy
    - Is not a slave to perfection
    - Is not afraid of setbacks
    - Does not fear failure
    - Does not feel inferior
    - Accepts who they are

    3) National Association of Self-Esteem:
    - https://healthyselfesteem.org/lessons-activities/self-esteem-lesson-plan/

    4) TED:
    - https://ideas.ted.com/5-ways-to-build-lasting-self-esteem/
    - https://www.ted.com/talks/guy_winch_why_we_all_need_to_practice_emotional_first_aid

    Unifying themes among these various resources may include both resilience, and dignity of all persons (avoid seeking a pecking order and developing a "kiss up, kick down" attitude.)

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    #248435 - 03/29/21 01:17 PM Re: To gifted adults who may be struggling [Re: indigo]
    indigo Offline
    Member

    Registered: 04/27/13
    Posts: 4519
    A research study published in JAMA Psychiatry on May 6, 2020 and by Harvard's T.H. Chan School of Public Health on May 6, 2020 concludes: "Regularly attending religious services associated with lower risk of deaths of despair"
    (where deaths of despair are suicide, drug overdose, and alcohol related deaths).
    After adjusting for numerous variables, the study showed that women who attended services at least once per week had a 68% lower risk of death from despair compared to those never attending services. Men who attended services at least once per week had a 33% lower risk of death from despair.

    The study authors noted that religious participation may serve as an important antidote to despair and an asset for sustaining a sense of hope and meaning. They also wrote that religion may be associated with strengthened psychosocial resilience by fostering a sense of peace and positive outlook, and promoting social connectedness.

    Correlation does not imply causation. Attending may inspire one's thoughts and perspectives to take on the qualities noted in the article's excerpt above, such as sense of hope, meaning, resilience, peace, positive outlook, social connectedness, thereby influencing the trend observed.

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    #248438 - 03/29/21 04:23 PM Re: To gifted adults who may be struggling [Re: indigo]
    HighIQ Offline
    Member

    Registered: 01/10/20
    Posts: 53
    When you can't solve Codeforces problems with ratings of 800-900, which is the lowest level, as an adult while there are middle schoolers who can easily solve them...


    Sorry, I can't be gifted. I'm just a low-IQ loser. I doubt that I will ever be good enough for anyone, but I hate being seen as a loser over and over again. I'm in a horrible mood right now, and can't be productive anymore due to the fact that my brain is mediocre at critical thinking. No wonder why so many people weren't impressed with me all throughout school.


    Edited by HighIQ (03/29/21 04:24 PM)

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    #248439 - 03/29/21 04:38 PM Re: To gifted adults who may be struggling [Re: indigo]
    aquinas Offline
    Member

    Registered: 11/02/12
    Posts: 2415
    HighIQ, Iím concerned about you, health-wise. If you ever feel distressed or in need of support, the crisis and support lines in the link below are always available, with professional support.

    There is no shame in asking for help if ever you need it. Excuse me if Iím being forward, but your posts recently have sounded quite unwell, and you neednít suffer alone. Help is available.

    https://www.mentalhealth.gov/get-help/immediate-help
    _________________________
    What is to give light must endure burning.

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    #248441 - 03/29/21 04:51 PM Re: To gifted adults who may be struggling [Re: indigo]
    HighIQ Offline
    Member

    Registered: 01/10/20
    Posts: 53
    I have asked my high school counselor for mental help throughout high school, but she believed me to be some sort of lunatic. She doesn't wish to connect with me any longer otherwise she probably would have already done so within the past 3 years. All of my former high school teachers thought that I was a lunatic as well.

    It's tough when no one takes you seriously, but I somewhat have learned how to live with it. I don't know if I can continue to live with it though. I do wish to get taken seriously so that I can become successful and have my dream life, but I feel that I'm just too stupid to be any good to anyone.

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    #248442 - 03/29/21 05:30 PM Re: To gifted adults who may be struggling [Re: HighIQ]
    indigo Offline
    Member

    Registered: 04/27/13
    Posts: 4519
    @HighIQ, I will address various statements in your post individually.

    1) Not solving Codeforces problems does NOT preclude giftedness.
    Previous answers to your posts/threads/questions on IQ scores and IQ tests have shared with you that the same IQ score does not necessarily look the same on various people: scores across the various subtests are rarely even, but instead show both strengths and weaknesses. People can both be gifted AND have a learning difference or learning disability. This is called twice-exceptional or 2e.

    2) Having a low-IQ does NOT make a person a loser. Please be aware that labeling low-IQ people as losers is a very offensive statement. ALL persons deserve to be treated with dignity. IMO, the only way to be a loser is to treat others unethically (for example, by not following the golden rule).

    3) It does NOT matter whether your brain is mediocre at critical thinking. You have written budgets and schedules to support goals... you also have it in your power to change the budgets, schedules, goals.

    4) No one needs to be "impressed" with you, me, or anyone else. Consider awarding yourself internal, intrinsic rewards by doing what you enjoy and enjoying what you do, rather than craving external rewards. For example: following through and completing even simple tasks on a daily to-do list can sharpen skills, lend perspective, and increase appreciation, including self-appreciation.

    IDEAS:
    - You have previously expressed an interest in resuming college courses during the Summer semester. Might you begin now to study ahead, in order to alleviate some pressure on yourself during the summer semester?
    - You have previously expressed an interest in lexile levels or reading levels of books. Might you begin to gauge the reading level of some books you like, whose reading level is unknown? Although the specific formula developed/used by some organizations may be proprietary, reading level ranges and readability index which I am familiar with are determined by some combination of: words per sentence, syllables per word, syllables per sentence. Individuals can assess reading levels of materials using online tools. Assessing the reading level of a number of books, could be a goal which one sets for themselves in working toward achieving a portion of the requirements in earning the Congressional Award for youth (for which the cutoff is the individual's 24th birthday).

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    #248443 - 03/29/21 05:39 PM Re: To gifted adults who may be struggling [Re: HighIQ]
    indigo Offline
    Member

    Registered: 04/27/13
    Posts: 4519
    @HighIQ, may I ask, why do you mention your high school counselor? Reaching out for a sounding board and professional advice would not involve that person, but would involve moving forward, contacting resources such as those mentioned upthread.

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