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    Originally Posted by aeh
    ...but in the end, one gets out of the therapeutic relationship what one puts into it. A motivated individual, GT or not, can learn and grow from an honest relationship with a person of any level of intellect. And a therapeutic professional with a genuine interest in facilitating the growth of their client, without using them as a means of meeting their own psychological needs, can be an effective sounding board even for people they may not fully understand.


    I so agree with this sentiment, but also with pinewood that it can be hard to find. This therapist is a gem. I believe I was told once that in a study of effectiveness of therapy the most important things in order of effectiveness were 1) the client (ie what they put in/bring) 2) the relationship with the therapist. Both well ahead of everything else, with mode of therapy well down the list.

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    Yep. That's this paper.

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    For those who might be interested into deeper enquiry: My first therapist advised me on reading "the Drama of the Gifted Child" by Alice Miller, which goes a bit more in depth about the psychodynamic processes leading to unhealthy feelings of either depression or grandiosity in gifted adults who have grown up in emotionally dysfunctional constellations.

    I personally resonated a lot with the book.

    Originally Posted by aeh
    ...but in the end, one gets out of the therapeutic relationship what one puts into it. A motivated individual, GT or not, can learn and grow from an honest relationship with a person of any level of intellect.

    I would confirm this from personal experience, even if may take some time to find some common ground between the GT individual and the therapist. e.g. I ended up writing e-mails to my therapist as I had given up hope on finding a productive way to communicate verbally with her. Some creativity and resilience may be required.

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    indigo Offline OP
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    WOW, thanks for mentioning this book, raphael. I see it is highly rated as 4.5 stars with a 20 year history and large number of reviews... 891! Here's a link: The Drama of the Gifted Child, Alice Miller (1997).

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    40 year history, actually!

    Miller's 1979 book was a foundational book in both the SENG field and the field of childhood trauma. It was also on the bookshelf in my childhood home, as my mother bought and read it when it was first published in English. Although I don't agree with everything she says, I am also happy to see it mentioned here, and also to know that there are newer editions (which may, perhaps, address some of the reservations). I am sorry to admit that I kind of assumed that everyone had already heard of it...


    ...pronounced like the long vowel and first letter of the alphabet...
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    I'm a fan of Amazon's Look-Inside feature, and often use it to skim a book's table of contents.
    Using Amazon's Look-Inside feature to peruse the copyright page I see:
    Quote
    Revised edition copyright 1997
    This edition is what the 891 reviews in 20 years is based on... giving the high rating of 4.5 stars

    Further information reveals the earlier work which aeh mentioned:
    Quote
    Originally published in German... Copyright 1979...
    First published in the United States as Prisoners of Childhood...Copyright 1981
    Unfortunately, the back cover shares that this book is not about being gifted intellectually, which I found somewhat misleading and also disappointing:
    Quote
    When I used the word 'gifted' in the title, I had in mind neither children who receive high grades in school nor children talented in a special way.
    I simply meant all of us who have survived an abusive childhood thanks to an ability to adapt even to unspeakable cruelty by becoming numb ... Without this 'gift' offered us by nature, we would not have survived.

    I have now spent more time reading the reviews, including the one-star reviews, and recommend that others do so prior to purchasing just based on title and ratings. While it may still be a good, helpful, or even great book, possibly another title may be more apt.

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    That is indeed a strange way of defining the "gift" and also not how I would have interpreted it. In my memory, the book was focusing on emotionally very sensitive children, which I would see as one of the characteristics of giftedness. But then the mechanism she is describing might be relevant for every child.

    Originally Posted by aeh
    Miller's 1979 book was a foundational book in both the SENG field
    Just curious: what is the SENG field? A quick Google enquiry didn't provide any answer.

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    Social-Emotional Needs of the Gifted


    ...pronounced like the long vowel and first letter of the alphabet...
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    indigo Offline OP
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    Originally Posted by raphael
    ...the book was focusing on emotionally very sensitive children, which I would see as one of the characteristics of giftedness.
    Yes, this is indeed a characteristic of many gifted kids. Back in the day, lists of behavioral characteristics (such as those compiled at #3 of this roundup) were often used to identify those likely to be gifted, either at an age when they were considered too young for tests to be reliable and/or when schools did not routinely assess or screen all pupils with standardized test instruments (now typically beginning in 3rd grade).

    Originally Posted by raphael
    the mechanism she is describing might be relevant for every child.
    Good observation. The educational field has moved away from a focus on serving the unique needs of gifted pupils... to focus on inclusion, collectivism, "all children are gifted," and may be applying concepts more broadly to all children.

    Originally Posted by raphael
    ... the SENG field?
    Originally Posted by aeh
    Social-Emotional Needs of the Gifted
    Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted, SENG website links:
    - About: https://www.sengifted.org/about
    - Resources/Library: https://www.sengifted.org/senglibrary
    - Founding: https://www.sengifted.org/post/seng-s-25th-anniversary-conference-reflections-on-seng-s-history

    The founder, Dr. James T. Webb, has authored several books about intellectually gifted children. Several of his thoughts to parents about raising & guiding gifted kids may resonate with you.

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