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    #246287 - 11/06/19 10:00 AM Dear Therapist
    pinewood1 Offline
    Junior Member

    Registered: 01/25/19
    Posts: 29
    If HG+ people just being themselves and discussing their lives threatens you because you feel the need to be the biggest fish in the small pond, don't treat them.

    My existence isn't a referendum on your intelligence. I had no interest in making this into a competition. You're the one that did that.

    Your insecurity about your intelligence has made it intolerable for me to even be around you at this point. I don't even dislike or disrespect you; I went to see you because of your knowledge and expertise in your subfield. But if it threatens you that I've done extensive reading in that subfield too, I can't continue to see you.

    I usually soft-pedal my knowledge around medical professionals and try to dance within the lines of their ideologies and beliefs. I've done that less with you than with any other therapist because I thought you could take it, and because I couldn't get any useful help with my problems if I did that dance. You should be flattered. This was a rare expression of trust, which I now realize was misplaced.

    Thanks for taking my trust and cutting me down at every opportunity.

    #246635 - 01/19/20 08:32 AM Re: Dear Therapist [Re: pinewood1]
    indigo Offline

    Registered: 04/27/13
    Posts: 4206
    Yes, it is unfortunate how often expressions of trust can be weaponized. Especially when circumstances call for one-sided openness and divulging of information, leading to vulnerability and some degree of temporary removal of personal boundaries.

    We encourage our children not to mask their intelligence, to avoid dumbing themselves down in order to fit in or blend in or hide... and yet little eyes may see that their own parents may often have to set aside their knowledge and intellect while interacting with highly credentialed individuals asserting that their formal credentials are a proxy for superior knowledge in any particular topic, as well as an earned right to be first in SES pecking order.

    This may happen any time there is a power imbalance... from educational advocacy to medical situations to justice system to counseling/therapy relationships. Unfortunately, for those credentialed individuals and the individuals they ostensibly serve, the concept of service may have fallen by the wayside.

    These books came to mind, reading them may help others in similar circumstances to feel strong, recognize the dynamic of invalidation, and maintain a strong boundary between themself and anyone's attempts at invalidation:
    1) Nasty People, how to stop being hurt by them without becoming one of them, by Jay Carter (1989)
    2) Nasty People how to stop being hurt by them without stooping to their level, updated version, by Jay Carter (2003)
    3) Nasty Women, by Jay Carter (2003)

    He has also authored books on Nasty Men (2003), Nasty Bosses (2004), and co-authored a book on Bullies (1998).

    #246637 - 01/19/20 01:39 PM Re: Dear Therapist [Re: pinewood1]
    Tigerle Offline

    Registered: 07/29/14
    Posts: 601
    Loc: Europe
    Gosh, I sure hope Mr Carter gets a break from his work sometimes. I want to send him chocolate!

    OP, I’ve encountered a therapist who did that and I found it super energising and empowering to immediately stop the relationship. I did not even go back to say anything, simply stopped going, merely told the referring doctor why I had done so. Realising that I was right and she was wrong did me a world of good, in fact, l experienced a turn around in my mental health immediately after. I have even wondered whether she was a genius in her own right, finding the perfect button to push to wake the sleeping lioness and make her roar. Probably not, as she never even sent me a bill.

    I told my (very religious) midwife (I was pregnant at the time) about the disastrous last session and she stared at me and said: “that woman must have had REALLY bad sex last night!”

    Not saying that it should work for you like that, just hoping to make you smile and feel a bit better.

    #246812 - 02/17/20 08:59 AM Re: Dear Therapist [Re: pinewood1]
    pinewood1 Offline
    Junior Member

    Registered: 01/25/19
    Posts: 29
    Indigo, I'm not a parent; I'm just a gifted adult survivor of severe child abuse, who has chosen not to have children so as not to pass on my suffering any further. My identification as gifted played a role in some of my trauma, and I hope to share some of what I've learned to help the next generation of gifted kids.

    Tigerle, that's funny. I did stop seeing him, and am only realizing months later how underhanded and slimy he was, and how he had nothing to offer from the start but cutting me down and lecturing me on basic things I'd already shown him I knew. smirk This kind of thing can be hard to see at first, especially if you have a dissociative disorder, as I do.


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