Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy 10yo PG/EG - am i doing it right?

i'm very new to this forum, and new to the idea that my oldest child, now 10 is not only gifted, but PG/EG.

my children attend a montessori school, and starting last school year, my son (9 at the time) started melting down and getting physically angry when he wasn't being heard. like kids are actively blowing off his opinion because he's inflexible with rules and they assume he should just get over whatever injustice perceived (to them) real (to him) and move on... we coached him to discuss rationally when the occasions arrive, but most people don't do this.

lots of parental intervention, discussion with the director and his teacher, and now he at least controls the physical anger a lot better.

after this started happening, i started looking into finally getting him IQ tested.

he scored 192 on the stanford-binet LM old form. whoa. so i started looking at options for gifted children. something more.

i got in contact with the local public school who said he'd likely qualify for their 1 day/wk program, but he'd have to do more assessments. so they gave him the wisc-v test, which he scored 149 on. and the ktea-3 math section which he scored 156 on. he got accepted and has gone 1 day and really enjoyed it so far.

i had his school administer the advanced placement testing designed by the belin-blank center, which is a test geared to 8th grade with a 95% ceiling. he scored 97 in science, 100 in math, 91 in reading, and 61 in language - which is still higher than any 8th grader and hit ceiling on 2, almost 3 subjects.

we're also looking at ABA therapy to help him socially navigate, which he needs, but he is still bored out of his skull at school.

i can't seem to get his teacher to understand that he needs material presented as if he were an adult, talked to as if he were an adult. and treated at least like a 10yo rather than a misbehaving 5yo.

you may ask why i haven't pulled him out, but it is because i cannot provide what he needs outside of school, yet. i don't know how. i work full time, have 2 younger children as well, and his dad is supportive but only just realizing how far from standard DS10 is.

i feel like i'm doing everything right, and if we just hold out another 9 months more will fall together - he'll be able to grade skip this spring so he'd enter 7th in the fall, hopefully giving him access to high school courses (that's the hope), but that is the best public school can offer, and montessori won't advance him until he reaches the social maturity for middle school. he's academically ahead of those students already.

also he gets advanced math tutoring, any books i can find on topics of interest, and i do my best to hold high level conversations with him whenever i can.

we're also getting an autism evaluation to hopefully help cover costs of therapy.

i feel like i'm failing because all of this is a hopeful scenario, and i feel like if only i could get the school to figure out how to actually teach him, rather than expecting 5th grade work, he'd thrive again.

maybe all he needs is the therapy he'll be starting to blossom. but i still feel lost and noone i know has a child this advanced.

and to top it off, i realize just how much i missed out on because i held myself to social standards and read books rather than fight for educational challenge beyond 4th grade. i'm nearly as gifted as he is, but i squandered all of it.

thank you for reading.

It's good you're looking at the social issues and the academic issues separately. Does he have friends in or outside of school?

Welcome!

First, I want to offer an alternative perspective: you didn't squander your abilities. You produced three lovable children, whom you appear to be parenting quite effectively. You became an adult who is able to perceive your child's gifts and needs, and to develop strategies for his success, early enough in his life to increase his opportunities for successful outcomes. You manage all of this while engaging in productive work both inside and outside the home. This is hardly the face of failure, in my book.

As to your child, I think you may have a bit of a better idea of next steps once you have more evaluation data (e.g., the ASD eval) in hand, but much of what you've described seems appropriate. You may also find, if he is indeed on the autism spectrum, that some of the behaviors and characteristics will start to sort themselves out as more closely associated with/originating from giftedness, or from ASD traits, or from stress/anxiety, or from instructional mismatch, etc. As the etiology becomes clearer, the strategies will also become clearer. It takes time to sort out...and then, of course, it changes with his growth and development!

thank you.

as of now, he doesn't have friends outside of school. he had one he used to hang out with, but they don't get on well any longer...

he does have a LOT of time for socialization in his classroom, and he plays with his siblings, and his cousin came to visit and he actually had fun playing with all of them! (she is also gifted, almost 9, but lives 10 hours away)

i'm so glad to hear some of this will sort itself out with time, as he does really well at times, and really poorly at others - but i suspect a lot of it is that he is often at odds with his current teachers. i'm prepping him for the concept of entering 7th grade public school this fall - which will put him in high school courses as well. i'm nervous. i start to 2nd guess my plans for his siblings, but so far, they're still thriving in their montessori environment.