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    Joined: Nov 2013
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    shifrbv Offline OP
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    Long time since I've posted on here.

    Once again, I would like to ask the community for any advice.

    DD was placed in 7th grade Honors Algebra upon recommendation by her 6th grade math teacher. She placed at 97th percentile on the fall NWEA Math (RIT 255).

    Everything should be great.

    Except, after the first 3 weeks, DD stops doing homework, gets F after F. After the first 2 tests, she now gets D and F's for all tests. Stopped trying, not interested all within the span of less than 9 weeks at the beginning of school.

    DH meets with teacher and she states that DD is the worst student. She wants her out of the class and put back in 8th grade math.

    I ask DD what the problem is. She states:

    1) she has no peers in the class (all other girls are 8th graders who refuse to talk to her - her 7th grade advanced peers were for some reason put in another classroom together - DD is all alone in this class and no one will work in a group with her.) DD says she hates this class the most of all of her classes.

    2) She doesn't like the teacher and the teacher doesn't seem to like her that well. She refuses to get over this even though I've talked with her about it.

    What can be done? I remember someone in the past whose son was trying something similar and just had to be moved to the low class so he could understand the ramifications of his actions (not trying, being stubborn).

    NWEA states that 235 should signal readiness for Algebra. DD is well over that mark.

    DD has always worked hard for math in the past. This year, she is just giving up so easily. I feel suspicious of the whole situation. Something just doesn't seem right to me.

    Advice?

    Last edited by shifrbv; 10/11/18 02:01 PM.
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    aeh Offline
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    I am so sorry that you and your DC are having to deal with this frustrating situation. It sounds like she has already described the principal challenges: she and the teacher don't understand ("like") each other, and (without judging the accuracy of her perceptions one way or the other) middle-school peer dynamics are resulting in her feeling socially ostracized. These are real concerns, with substantial weight for young adolescents in particular, and, while she is still responsible for her self-sabotaging choices, it is perfectly understandable that this setting might feel impossible to her.

    I wouldn't necessarily frame this as stubbornness or not trying. Children don't always see all the possible paths out of a situation that adults might be able to identify (so failing out of the class might appear to be the only exit strategy to her), nor are they developmentally particularly good at delaying gratification (e.g., tolerating an extremely uncomfortable situation for the sake of access to appropriately-challenging math instruction).

    I would suggest picking a low stress, low confrontation moment, and mutually discussing what would make her school experience better, and how you and she and the school can work together to make sure that her educational and social needs are met. When I have these kinds of conversations with my students, I always preface them by saying that I can't guarantee that we can get them everything they want (almost certainly, there will have to be compromises on all sides), but at least we can get a better understanding of what's interfering the most with their school success, which will help us to work as a team in putting them in a position to achieve their life goals (which can be short-, mid- or long-term).

    In this case, it seems to me that the obvious first solution would be to get her moved to the class where the other 7th grade advanced peers are. But it would likely be with the understanding that a) you still take the consequences for your choices during first term, so some or all of those grades may have to carry over into the new class, where you will have to work extra hard to make up for them; b) once we've addressed this, we're all going to move on--no ongoing complaining about the old teacher, and definitely no badmouthing her to your new classmates. (It is highly likely that a) will be a condition the school requires, and my preference that b) be required, both so she doesn't get herself into trouble with staff, who have their own relationships with each other, and may have already talked about her, and so she doesn't trap herself emotionally by brooding over past wrongs incurred, in her mind, by the teacher or peers.)

    And if something doesn't seem right to you, who know your child very, very well, then it's definitely worth following up on. I'd be careful, though, about going in with any kind of assumptions about who is "at fault", if anyone.


    ...pronounced like the long vowel and first letter of the alphabet...
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    Eighth grade girls are just plain mean. We've had lots of problems with that age demographic.

    Would she consider double math? Continuing in the lower level class and doing an afterschool competition math or algebra class online or elsewhere?

    Teachers are people, and subject to their own biases and dislikes. Would she have a different teacher if she switched classes?

    Joined: Aug 2010
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    What are her feelings about math? (Does she typically love it, or is she all-around smart?)

    What does she say when you tell her this will affect future track and placement if she goes down a track?

    What are her feelings about being a "smart girl"?

    Concerns about being "nerdy"?

    Is this class largely boys?

    What are the consequences for a poor grade in 7th grade? Does it matter?

    Would she be willing to commit to nightly homework/comprehension checks with you?

    I feel for you as we have experienced some somewhat similar issues, and still are.


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