Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments Moving a happy sibling to help the other child

Hi all,
It’s been a while since I last posted. We are needing to move dd8 to a more challenging environment and have found a school that really suits. It is l private though and the waitlist is up to 4 years long.

We have been told by the registrar that we can enrol ds5 immediately though and his sister can skip the waitlist and enter as a sibling.

The problem is it is very expensive, we can afford to send both but there will be a lot of sacrifices. Also ds5 is really very happy at his current school and this year gets a lot of differentiation - he 100% does not want to move.

On the other hand I know that next year this will change as he goes from new entrant to regular classes. Dd8 is starting to disengage with school and now has activities outside of school 6 days a week which would all be absorbed into the school day at the new school. Another big plus is that she would be able to drop down to her own age level and get real differentiation in the class meaning it’s fairer for her in sport and academic awards which she is highly motivated by.

We toured the school and there was no question of her being treated as a gate student and they showed as examples of kids working up to 5 years ahead did by side their age peers.
So - should we take the plunge and make dd5 move or keep his sister in a very mediocre environment and watch her fade into average.

Interesting dilemma. I have a question and a few preliminary thoughts.

Question -
In addition to touring the school, did each of your children have an opportunity to shadow for a day, or half-day?

Preliminary Thoughts -
Since you believe that this year's K5 experience is a uniquely good "fit" which will most likely not repeat for DS next year or thereafter... it occurs to me that the best route may be to carefully explain this... so that the child understands that both siblings will find the opportunities at the new school to be a better "fit", ongoing. Hopefully DS5 will consider his older sister's experiences, and see that he is the lucky one, not having to suffer at age 6, 7, 8 until you found the better "fit" of the new school.

Kids need both appropriate academic challenge, and intellectual peers. If this school offers both...

A few things to consider, if you have not already.

How sure are you that the current school will become a "bad fit" next year or within the next few years for DS5?

Is it possible to leave him there and move as needed later? Does a sibling get preference later as far as admission, despite the waitlist?

There is a value to the financial savings for DS5 until such time as he needs a private school.

I would not keep the older child in a bad fit environment just to keep younger child in it. If logistically it is possible to handle two schools, I'd look hard at that option.

So you have to move the younger to provide access for the older? I wouldn't tell him that but he will adapt to a move. Re kids working 5 years above beside their peers. Are their needs being met or are they self yeachinh while the others arw taught.

Thanks - as it was a first tour there was n shadowing but I understand this can be arranged as necessary. Dd5 refused to visit it he was sick so he stayed home.
At the moment his class is play based so he gets a lot of one on one attention but 2nd term in and he has already completed the curriculum. They can push him ahead ( which they did with dd) but will run into problems with the format of the class. I agree that it will benefit both.

Seems to me that if you move the younger child against his wishes to accommodate the older child, you'll just be moving the "unhappy" sticker from the eight-year-old to the five-year-old.

As others have mentioned, you don't know how happy your older child will be at the new school, and you'll be spending a lot of money to find out while making the younger one unhappy.

I'd look for another solution.

Definitely 100% sure it will be a bad fit. He is quite small and the next 2 classes up terrify him due to several older and large boys being held back due to intellectual disabilities ( think 20 Kg heavier ) 8 years old in a class of 6 year olds for violent behaviour.

The private school has said both kids or none until the waitlist clears. The classes all have some elf teaching but this is guided by professors, drs and specialty teachers. Kids are permitted to participate in ability appropriate programmes, ie a 7 year d is inthe high school orchestra.

No sure what another solution is. We can’t home school, and this is the only private school that suits our family values. I don’t want our daughter being bored all day and then having to learn more at home. Happy for any suggestions😊

I would probably spend some time making it clear to the five-year-old why you are sure his current school will become a bad fit (if I'm understanding that part correctly), and also making it clear to both kids that while you want to hear their thoughts and will take them into account, at the end of the day, this decision belongs to the parents, not the kids. Then I'd move them both.

Do you mean the private school has violent kids 20 kg heavier than him?

If so, then I see multiple alarm bells screaming DON'T MOVE THAT KID. If I'm wrong, ignore the following, but I would advise in the strongest possible terms against moving a child out of a happy situation to a dangerous environment just to make a sibling happy. Find another solution. Or the sibling can just wait and you can figure something out in the meantime.

If the current school is the one with the violent kids, then yes, move him.