Gifted Bulletin Board

Welcome to the Gifted Issues Discussion Forum.

We invite you to share your experiences and to post information about advocacy, research and other gifted education issues on this free public discussion forum.
CLICK HERE to Log In. Click here for the Board Rules.

Links


Learn about Davidson Academy Online - for profoundly gifted students living anywhere in the U.S. & Canada.

The Davidson Institute is a national nonprofit dedicated to supporting profoundly gifted students through the following programs:

  • Fellows Scholarship
  • Young Scholars
  • Davidson Academy
  • THINK Summer Institute

  • Subscribe to the Davidson Institute's eNews-Update Newsletter >

    Free Gifted Resources & Guides >

    Who's Online Now
    0 members (), 167 guests, and 10 robots.
    Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
    Newest Members
    parentologyco, Smartlady60, petercgeelan, eterpstra, Valib90
    11,410 Registered Users
    March
    S M T W T F S
    1 2
    3 4 5 6 7 8 9
    10 11 12 13 14 15 16
    17 18 19 20 21 22 23
    24 25 26 27 28 29 30
    31
    Previous Thread
    Next Thread
    Print Thread
    Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 4
    #240862 01/04/18 07:48 AM
    Joined: Feb 2016
    Posts: 278
    R
    RRD Offline OP
    Member
    OP Offline
    Member
    R
    Joined: Feb 2016
    Posts: 278
    I've been wondering in the past few days: Most questions on here are about our DC, but how are the parents doing?

    We spent the holidays surrounded by my in-laws and it drove my OEs went through the roof... I felt overstimulated in most ways - the smells, the sounds, the sights, etc. By the end of it, I was also extremely eager to get back to my routine so I could read more and resume learning Spanish(my third language) and my music lessons/practice.

    And that led me to wonder how everyone on here is doing. Do any/many of you have OEs? Are you sufficiently stimulated in your current environment? Do you ever feel a bit odd? Do you share all of your thoughts with anyone?

    This last question is an interesting one for me - I am particularly interested in evolution, natural selection, etc., though it is entirely unrelated to my own field (law). And asking myself that last question, I realized that I've been reading a lot of popular science books (from the likes of Jared Diamond and Bryan Sykes, etc.), and yet I never, ever talk to anyone about my thoughts on the subject. I talk to my husband about politics and history and other subjects, but he finds science quite boring.

    I am far from being an intellectual or an academic, but I'm just so interested in so many subjects! Of course, that could just be my ADD showing itself. Who knows.

    Anyway, there's a bit of verbal diarrhea for you. Does anyone else feel that way? Always a bit like a fish out of water?

    Joined: Nov 2012
    Posts: 2,513
    A
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    A
    Joined: Nov 2012
    Posts: 2,513
    My abridged answer is: Yes!

    Here's the longer version:

    1. Do any/many of you have OEs?

    Yes, every box on Dabrowski's list is ticked for me. Add to that some (pleasant) synaesthesia. Case in point: for the last three months, I've been running on an average of 4 hours of sleep per night, for a variety of reasons relating to all of Dabrowski's categories.

    At some point or another, I've been told by most of the people I'm closest to that I'm unusually "intense" or "passionate". I speak quickly, come up with new ideas on the fly, get inspired and emotionally invested in ideas, and get really excited to find people to share that with. I've been asked many times how I sustain such passion for so long. Most of the time this is said with positive regard, but I'd be lying if I didn't acknowledge that some people are really off-put by my intensity. Such is life!

    2. Are you sufficiently stimulated in your current environment?

    On the work front, no. In my personal activities, yes.

    I'm fortunate in my work, in that it's a quasi-academic environment with graduate-trained colleagues, so it's still better suited to my needs than many alternatives. However, I am one of a limited group who actively seek out new challenges and like to push the envelope intellectually. It can be difficult to swim upstream constantly in an environment where most people see their work as lifestyle-driven, and not mission-driven. (This is probably an indication that it's not the right fit in the medium to long-term.)

    If I could have a 100-hour day and only need 8 hours of sleep in that time, I'd spend most of my free time playing with my son and just expand my volunteer initiatives into the incremental hours. (Does anyone have a time turner?)

    3. Do you ever feel a bit odd?

    I regularly feel different from others, yes, but I don't internalize it in a negative way. I embrace who I am, as I hope we all do!

    We all have our strengths and weaknesses, and I can find commonality and build rapport with pretty much anyone, because I generally love building relationships and most people are good people.

    That being said, I find conversations with many people disheartening. Others' lack of self-awareness, limited sense of purpose, and inability to connect immediate personal concerns to larger societal/political trends is concerning to me. I find myself having to tread lightly, because these are generally good people, but ones who don't see much outside their quotidian lives, and who have limited vision for how they can create a lasting, positive change with their lives. It's a feeling of constantly needing to gently educate others and inspiring them to inform themselves for the betterment of their families and society, tempered by the disappointment of their apathy.

    4. Do you share all of your thoughts with anyone?

    It would be impossible to share all of my thoughts with anyone, because there isn't enough time in the day or a person patient enough to endure that! Heck, I fall asleep to my own never-ending stream of consciousness every day! wink

    Levity aside, yes, I'm *able* to share myself fully with a handful of very dear friends--one of whom is my partner--but what I feel compelled to share with each is only a fraction of who I am. Each of us have differences in at least one critical area which makes full and mutual understanding an impossibility, but we can respect each other and admire our differences as well as our similarities. Different people meet different needs of mine, such that I feel heard and understood when I consider the totality of my relationships (and I hope that I provide that for them, as well!).

    Other random thoughts

    RRD, I'm going to throw another item into the mix where I feel quite different from the average person. More than anything, I feel my drive for constant self-improvement and unrelenting hunger to fix the wrongs of the world is what differentiates me. Whether this is distinct from the intellectual basket you alluded to, or part and parcel of it, remains to be determined.

    I hear colleagues talking fondly about retiring and unwinding, whereas I see my life as a ~100-year horizon for making a meaningful, lasting contribution to the world. Issues like preventing child abuse, preventing domestic/inter-partner violence, legal reform on various topics, social justice in education and social services for children, needs-blind medical care, and optimal economic and political system design keep me constantly engaged.

    Even when I'm taking "me" time (e.g. exercising, bathing, praying), these issues and my ability to fix them is CONSTANTLY on my mind, if on the back burner. It's like I have two parallel thought tracks playing at any time- what I'm attending to in the moment, and a parallel internal ideation dialogue.
    I don't ever see myself "retiring" in the conventional sense. Rather, I'd like to kick up my efforts in these areas as my family situation allows (my son comes first!), gradually devoting my full time to these as I become an empty-nester.

    To me, it is unconscionable that I be attuned to these issues, passionate about them, and able to elicit change, but not do so. I can only gape at others who either don't see the issues and feel their urgency, or who have no intention of using the talents they have for others. When I can make a compelling case for a subset of the population with unmet needs and be met with blank or uncaring responses, that disquiets me.

    I don't care how intelligent or affluent someone is. Give me someone with a kind heart and a will to do good for others, and they get immense respect from me.

    Joined: Mar 2017
    Posts: 97
    P
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    P
    Joined: Mar 2017
    Posts: 97
    Originally Posted by RRD
    I've been wondering in the past few days: Most questions on here are about our DC, but how are the parents doing?

    We spent the holidays surrounded by my in-laws and it drove my OEs went through the roof... I felt overstimulated in most ways - the smells, the sounds, the sights, etc. By the end of it, I was also extremely eager to get back to my routine so I could read more and resume learning Spanish(my third language) and my music lessons/practice.

    And that led me to wonder how everyone on here is doing. Do any/many of you have OEs? Are you sufficiently stimulated in your current environment? Do you ever feel a bit odd? Do you share all of your thoughts with anyone?

    This last question is an interesting one for me - I am particularly interested in evolution, natural selection, etc., though it is entirely unrelated to my own field (law). And asking myself that last question, I realized that I've been reading a lot of popular science books (from the likes of Jared Diamond and Bryan Sykes, etc.), and yet I never, ever talk to anyone about my thoughts on the subject. I talk to my husband about politics and history and other subjects, but he finds science quite boring.

    I am far from being an intellectual or an academic, but I'm just so interested in so many subjects! Of course, that could just be my ADD showing itself. Who knows.

    Anyway, there's a bit of verbal diarrhea for you. Does anyone else feel that way? Always a bit like a fish out of water?

    I'm also in the law and I used to feel that way.

    Thankfully I have a family with just as wide a range of interests as my own. We're compulsive learners and sharers so even when the world at large wasn't as interested, we have each other. My wife's family is the same. My father-in-law even won a lifetime achievement award for his contributions to his engineering field. To him and my Mother-in-Law (a world renowned scientist), I'm probably considered slow-witted, lol.

    High school and college were probably the toughest because you're trying to find a social space and not everyone shares your range of interests. I found that law school and later were much better social experiences.

    Joined: Nov 2012
    Posts: 2,513
    A
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    A
    Joined: Nov 2012
    Posts: 2,513
    Quote
    High school and college were probably the toughest because you're trying to find a social space and not everyone shares your range of interests. I found that law school and later were much better social experiences.

    Agreed. I've found the best alignment post-grad school with similarly trained professionals who participate in cause-based initiatives. More than anything, satisfaction seems to come from shared values, and the intellectual ability to share fully and reciprocally regarding those values and life experiences. In that case, it's not the education per se that creates the commonality, but it is often a useful proxy.


    What is to give light must endure burning.
    Joined: Oct 2011
    Posts: 2,856
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    Joined: Oct 2011
    Posts: 2,856
    Copying aquinas' format:

    1. Do any/many of you have OEs?

    Check all five boxes for me, with particular emphasis on emotional (the reason I slept <4 hours last night), sensual (especially sound), and intellectual.

    2. Are you sufficiently stimulated in your current environment?

    Professionally, no. It fluctuates. Sometimes I'm working on novel and interesting problems under pressure and have to come up with creative solutions given resources, timeline, and/or criticality. Other times, I'm essentially doing other people's jobs or fixing their same repetitive problems because they're incompetent. Today has been an interesting mix of both.

    Personally, yep. I'm finding time to pursue some of my own interests, parenting is a great adventure, and I have a partner who stimulates all of my overexcitabilities.

    3. Do you ever feel a bit odd?

    I wonder if everyone doesn't at some point, but, yes.

    I've recently begun imagining personalities as polyhedrons, and as a gifted polymath I find that mine has many more sides and angles than most. That's a gift and a curse... a curse because you'll never find anyone with a similar shape, and a gift because you can find congruent sides with nearly anyone. As a result, I can find myself navigating large social groups and finding common ground with just about everyone, without making a true connection with any of them.

    4. Do you share all of your thoughts with anyone?

    Nope. See above.

    Where I find more congruence, and/or more acceptance of incongruence, the more access that person has to my thoughts.

    Nobody should ever have full access to all of my thoughts, because imaginational overexcitability. Some of those things are not for a general audience. wink

    Other random thoughts

    I'd like some pudding.

    Joined: Feb 2016
    Posts: 278
    R
    RRD Offline OP
    Member
    OP Offline
    Member
    R
    Joined: Feb 2016
    Posts: 278
    Omg. Ok, reading your posts feels so good. I really have to get back to work right now but will write some random thoughts later. Actually, a few very short ones:

    Aquinas: I love your need to right the wrongs of the world. Strangely, I've always had that on a micro level. To explain quickly: I can't stand to see someone's feelings be hurt, I always get frustrated when people won't move to the back of the bus to let others in (so they can get out of the rain or get home to their families too), I don't like to see people butting in line, etc., etc. And strangely, I often feel guilty/frustrated that I can't carry that to a more macro level. Except for the environmental stuff - in that respect, it kills me that everyone doesn't want to save our planet. That one is especially strong for me. Sigh.

    Aquinas: Is synaesthesia mostly a good or a bad experience? My first thought was that I would love to experience it. Strange?

    Aquinas: A few other traits of mine that fall into the OEs: the need for accuracy and the need to follow rules. Our boys and I share those traits in spades. Re accuracy, the three of us have taken to saying "I'm not being pedantic, I'm just being pedagogical." It's particularly funny hearing this from our 6 year old!

    Dude: I love the notion of polyhedron! I've always said that everyone is multi-faceted and so we can't get everything out of one person (a partner, a friend, whatever). I've always said that we need to draw from different relationships if we are to feel whole. Love the polyhedron.

    I am going to come back and reread each of your posts. And I hope there will be more. I love being able to share some of this.

    And I'm likely MG. I can't imagine how others who are PG might feel! Mind you, I might make up for LOG with my OEs in this respect. smile


    Joined: Nov 2012
    Posts: 2,513
    A
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    A
    Joined: Nov 2012
    Posts: 2,513
    Originally Posted by RRD
    Omg. Ok, reading your posts feels so good.

    Awesome! I'll just cut/paste your questions and reply in snippets. smile

    Quote
    Aquinas: I love your need to right the wrongs of the world. Strangely, I've always had that on a micro level. To explain quickly: I can't stand to see someone's feelings be hurt, I always get frustrated when people won't move to the back of the bus to let others in (so they can get out of the rain or get home to their families too), I don't like to see people butting in line, etc., etc. And strangely, I often feel guilty/frustrated that I can't carry that to a more macro level. Except for the environmental stuff - in that respect, it kills me that everyone doesn't want to save our planet. That one is especially strong for me. Sigh.

    I hear you! The little things we do on a daily basis speak to who we are, fundamentally.

    And on the environmental stuff, yes! You'll laugh. I remember reading furiously about the environmental impact of disposable diapers when I was pregnant with DS, costing out a national diaper environmental model, and trying to figure out ways to economically remediate that problem. And that came from shopping for diapers as a first time parent.

    Quote
    Aquinas: Is synaesthesia mostly a good or a bad experience? My first thought was that I would love to experience it. Strange?

    Nah, not strange.

    Mine is almost entirely positive. Because there are so many types of synaesthesia, the impacts will vary. My variety causes me to experience pleasant tactile sensations on my skin when I hear certain sounds. It feels a bit like receiving a gentle head and neck massage, and so I actively seek it out!

    I do experience some misophonia, which can trigger the same kind of tactile response in a negative way (like someone crawling under your skin and trying to scratch/claw at it), but those instances are easier to avoid. Out of tune music and sharp scratching sounds are among the worst triggers, followed by chewing sounds. Ugh.

    Quote
    Aquinas: A few other traits of mine that fall into the OEs: the need for accuracy and the need to follow rules. Our boys and I share those traits in spades. Re accuracy, the three of us have taken to saying "I'm not being pedantic, I'm just being pedagogical." It's particularly funny hearing this from our 6 year old!

    That's interesting! For you, I'm sensing that following the rules is akin to ensuring justice. Is that accurate? Love the pedantic/pedagogical quote!

    (Full disclosure: I tend to see rules as flexible and covering "most" situations, but open to breaking when logical reasons demand it. But that likely falls into my general "better to beg forgiveness than ask permission" MO!)

    Quote
    And I'm likely MG. I can't imagine how others who are PG might feel! Mind you, I might make up for LOG with my OEs in this respect. smile

    Don't worry about LOG. Who you are is who you are, irrespective of arcane sub-labels. smile

    I have no data on my LOG, so I'm useless for commentary in that regard. I was in gifted programming as a child after doing some form of ability testing, the school offered a double grade skip in public elementary, and I've since accelerated through university and in my career, but there's no subsequent test record that I can access. "Gifted whatever" I shall be, and high in OEs with you!


    What is to give light must endure burning.
    Joined: Nov 2008
    Posts: 313
    M
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    M
    Joined: Nov 2008
    Posts: 313
    1. Do any/many of you have OEs?

    Yes. I am frequently told not to think/care/plan/worry/do/feel/empathize so much, but I don’t want to be less...I want others to be more, or for them to at least meet me half way. I often feel like I understand and empathize with others, but there’s no reciprocity. It’s up to me to validate and care for myself (on top of being a sounding board and source of advice for others). The lack of positive feedback and accurate social mirroring also makes it that much harder to respect my own thoughts, perceptions or instincts, which I mostly keep to myself.

    2. Are you sufficiently stimulated in your current environment?

    God, no. I’m dying. I have always felt like a caged cheetah at work, despite changing jobs every 2-3 years, always in the pursuit of the ever-elusive challenge/stimulation. I am at constant risk of depression as a result, but do my best to stave it off by continuing to strive (taking classes, developing new skills, applying for stretch positions), even when my career seems hopeless, and by trying to put my eggs in other baskets. I am slowly coming to accept that work will probably never provide the challenge, stimulation or satisfaction that I so desperately need, and that I will need to satisfy many of my cravings to produce, create, give and do through hobbies and volunteer opportunities. Still, it sucks to have 40 hours of torturously dead time in my week.

    I am also realizing that I can’t spend my whole career waiting for employers to mentor me (“I pay you, isn’t that enough?”), promote me, wake up to what I could do for them and take appropriate advantage of my potential. I have a long history of resenting my bosses for having such ridiculously low expectations of me and failing to appreciate my abilities, but I'm learning that that's my problem, not theirs, even if they're at fault. Again, it’s up to me alone to care for me and improve my crappy lot, but unfortunately the only real power I seem to have is to quit, which I do, over and over again. Changing jobs often does at least satisfy my need for novelty, but at the expense of developing expertise frown

    3. Do you ever feel a bit odd?

    Every minute of the work day. My coworkers, who by conventional measures are more successful than me—more happy, cheerful, content, confident and popular—often strike me as so vacuous and superficial that I have to filter and bite my tongue constantly. They seem to accept most things at face value--don’t question things or appreciate irony, and take any sort of critical thought as negativity. On the plus side, they are so far to one extreme that they make me proud to be a nerd. I’d rather be unhappy and unpopular than have a pleasantly shallow existence.

    I also have to constantly dial back my standards and expectations. It feels like there’s a standard formula or adjustment I need to apply to my approach to most things to avoid scaring people off or making them uncomfortable. And yet, I still often fail to scale back far enough. On my first day back at work this week, I was called out in a meeting for accurately and appropriately using the word “subsumed” (“Is that really a word, or did you just make that up?”), bringing the entire discussion to an awkward, embarrassing halt. Sigh.

    4. Do you share all of your thoughts with anyone?

    I am now! 99% of the time, no, and the isolation and loneliness is killing me. I can’t even really talk to my husband, who is gifted, but not to the extreme that it makes you a social and emotional freak. I am learning to expect only so much of him—that no single person could ever truly understand me or be all things to me/that we’re all ultimately alone—which takes some of the pressure off of him, but also heightens my responsibility for finding others with whom I can relate.

    I do have one exceptionally gifted friend from college who I can talk to, but she’s in another state. I get most of my comfort, support and nurturing from books, but of course, you can’t talk to them. Fortunately, I have recently joined an extremely quirky meetup group that I think might actually include my peeps and offer some true intellectual comradery. The first meeting I attended was so electric that I felt like I had been in solitary confinement for years and someone had just opened a window.

    I also relate to almost everything posted above, especially the compulsive drive toward self-improvement and learning. Great thread!

    Joined: Nov 2008
    Posts: 313
    M
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    M
    Joined: Nov 2008
    Posts: 313
    Quote
    I've found the best alignment post-grad school with similarly trained professionals who participate in cause-based initiatives.

    I would give a limb for this. Seriously. I think it's what drew me to law. Unfortunately, I wanted the comradery of being around lawyers engaged in a good fight more than I wanted to practice law or live on the pittance that public interest attorneys make.

    Joined: Feb 2016
    Posts: 278
    R
    RRD Offline OP
    Member
    OP Offline
    Member
    R
    Joined: Feb 2016
    Posts: 278
    Originally Posted by MsFriz
    Yes. I am frequently told not to think/care/plan/worry/do/feel/empathize so much, but I don’t want to be less...I want others to be more, or for them to at least meet me half way.
    As a child, my family was ALWAYS telling me stuff like this. There were other outliers in my family, but I was definitely the most emotive. Now, I mostly keep my "excesses" to myself or allow myself to share in smaller doses with different people so as to not overwhelm any one person too much. Though the odd person on the bus thinks I'm a crazy lady! wink Thankfully, DH loves me exactly as I am, even if he doesn't always understand me. smile

    Originally Posted by MsFriz
    Changing jobs often does at least satisfy my need for novelty
    This! Being in law, I'm in a fairly specialized field so it would be pretty tricky to start all over again. Without getting into too much detail, thankfully, I'm able to change jobs often anyway. It helps! But as with many others, I also have to find enriching experiences outside of work as well - new languages, instruments, voracious reading, volunteering opportunities, etc.

    Originally Posted by MsFriz
    Fortunately, I have recently joined an extremely quirky meetup group that I think might actually include my peeps and offer some true intellectual comradery.
    What kind of group? Some of us might want to seek out something similar! Though I do find that I can find little niches everywhere - people interested in languages, some who love theatre, etc. So it goes back to Dude's polyhedron analogy.

    Originally Posted by MsFriz
    I also relate to almost everything posted above, especially the compulsive drive toward self-improvement and learning.
    This feels strangely therapeutic to me! Thank you to all of you who have shared. Hopefully this thread could morph into an ongoing one somehow: This could be somewhere where we share some of the thoughts and feelings we can't necessarily share elsewhere.

    Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 4

    Moderated by  M-Moderator 

    Link Copied to Clipboard
    Recent Posts
    Testing with accommodations
    by aeh - 03/27/24 01:58 PM
    Quotations that resonate with gifted people
    by indigo - 03/27/24 12:38 PM
    For those interested in astronomy, eclipses...
    by indigo - 03/23/24 06:11 PM
    California Tries to Close the Gap in Math
    by thx1138 - 03/22/24 03:43 AM
    Gifted kids in Illinois. Recommendations?
    by indigo - 03/20/24 05:41 AM
    Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5