Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Reverse acceleration due to ADHD??

The principal called today. They're moving DS10 to 8th grade math after holiday break and if that goes well they're moving him to Algebra 1 for third trimester. I was hoping for that, but asked for the continuous progress acceleration to be politically correct and play my cards well.

Nice work!

Happy update. All is well. We're not putting him in Algebra 1 this year yet to give him a chance to get more mature classroom behavior. Well, the only problem was no one told him what the behavior expectation is for hand raising. Once I explained, he fixed his behavior. That's all okay. I had told him his behavior would affect his acceleration opportunities, so I'm happy that played out quickly and not too painfully. In lieu of acceleration into Algebra, he will have opportunity to test out of Algebra 1 and skip it entirely.

He picked up study skills quickly and is already saying his classes are too easy. He only has a few study skills mastered, but I doubt he will add to his repertoire without more academic challenge. His executive functioning has continued to improve. He is on a lower dose of methylphenidate than at the beginning of the shcool year too.

Great news!

Well..... so not great update. DS11 has been having trouble in school. 3 core classes are "too easy" so he stopped using study skills and his grades dropped predictably. Might be easy, but it's still new material. The 4th is a project-based class for top 10th percentile students, and it's intended to push them. It's a bad fit for DS11. He fell behind, perfectionism, anxiety, procrastination, lying to cover up, and his grades dropped from straight As to C to D-.

School is ignoring his lagging skills, saying it's *only* a behavior problem. Principal made a comment that student-led learning is "inappropriate" and a bad "habit" and insinuated DS11 is lazy. Oh my. I am one angry momma! DS11 has been doing homework 40 hours per week outside of school. He is incredibly slow and inefficient at doing his homework, but it's not like he is playing or watching TV. DS11 is VERY sleep deprived, still beating himself up and pushing for A honor roll again. He has been physically sick with a lingering cold. His home behavior has changed from passive to aggressive with screaming, name-calling (directed at me), throwing things, breaking things, slamming doors, etc.

To make it all worse, DS11 finally told me he has been verbally and physically harassed at school for months, originating out of gym class. Remember how the principal said he would keep DS11 with age mates for gym class? That didn't happen. I've had an optimistic "we'll try it and see what happens" attitude about his accelerations and classroom placements, and now I'm regretting not sticking to my guns on the gym class issue.

I have requested DS11 be removed from the project-based classroom as soon as his late work is caught up. I requested his 504 be reviewed. Harassment is being investigated.

I am working on my Plan B for next year if I'm not satisfied with how the situation resolves. I just can't get over their refusal to address his slow processing speed adequately. I am seriously considering putting him in community college next year, just one class per semester. Most the classes are high school level, IMO. I know a couple of the instructors, have taken some of the classes I know he can handle. He took placement testing 2 summers ago, so I know he is academically capable. He has proven he can adopt organization and study skills (and learned a hard lesson about why they must be maintained). He has proven he can manage pieces of his schedule independently and get to where he needs to go by himself. I think all the pieces are in place and he is ready. One liiiiiittle problem is it eliminates the public school option completely. It's either community college, homeschool, or gap years left if I do it.

What would this look like?

Is the processing speed at the epicenter of the problem... or just an added complication, once he fell behind?

Would you say the executive function / study skills are the crux of the matter?

The violent outbursts and lack of restraint in speech are not ok under any circumstances, although I understand that sleep deprivation may be a trigger.

Hopefully he continues to learn from this experience and does not repeat it.

Lending you support. Keep in touch. Let us know if there is any info we can help you locate.

The combination of slow processing speed and the fast pace of the STEM project-based class are the root problem. Everything else is complicating or compounding it.

I want to see a homework limit. I think 20 or 30 minutes per class per day, so 2 - 3 hours per day is a reasonable maximum. For the homework that requires special at-school technology, I want the homework limited to what he can do at school (including the 30 minutes after school his teacher will let him stay and work on it), and be graded only on the completed portion.

I want him removed from the STEM project-based class. The principal talks about it being a shame if his behavior limits his intellect. Seriously? Leaving the class is not going to reduce his IQ and the pace of the class is the cause of the behavior problems. I was suspicious from the beginning, since their plan to encourage a reluctant (anxious, perfectionist) writer was to require him to write a 5,000 word narrative, on a deadline, for a competition, and to encourage him to publish. It has gone as badly as I expected.

DS11 has stopped the cycle of falling behind in his other classes. He is using his study skills and his new grades are similar to second trimester. He has maintained an organization system since I intervened and helped him (emotionally) work through weeks of papers.

He has one late assignment left. It's a long assignment on drafting shapes on 3D printer software. It's the exact sort of tedious, multi-step project that plays to his weaknesses. It's on special computer/software that he has limited access to, so he can't use his strategy of spending extra time on it. This 3D printing drafting unit is until the end of the year, there are other similar assignments he has not started yet.

I have not heard back from the school. I am waiting impatiently for a clue about how much conflict (or not) might be involved in resolving the situation.

Thank you for your support. <3

Ideally, he would have shared this with you at the time of the first incident. Please impress upon your child that timing can be crucial to resolving these types of situations. In real-time, one would begin to document facts (Who, what, where, when, why, how) at home. My thoughts now would be to work with your son to try to construct a timeline, at home, documenting what occurred, and the context.

Once you have all the facts as he is able to relate them, you can evaluate whether this is something to bring forward to the school... or, as is sometimes the case, whether the negative feelings may be out of proportion to what actually occurred.

There is an amount of humor, sarcasm, joking equally at everyone's expense, which is part of bonding over human fallibility... this is different than targeted belittlement of one person with intent to exclude or ostracize... however some individuals may become easily overwhelmed by banter and not see it as an overall pattern which invites them to reciprocate with their own humorous observations; they may feel attacked and rejected rather than feeling noticed, included, and accepted despite their foibles. It appears that individuals with perfectionism and lack of resilience may be especially prone to misinterpretation, what is sometimes referred to as being thin-skinned.

Based on this post, is it possible that their plan is to encourage him that done is better than perfect? This is something he may need to learn in order to be college-and-career ready.

I would suggest that he may need to see himself as having an identity which does not include a crippling level of anxiety/perfectionism... borrowing from mindset: it is OK to make mistakes, we learn from them... procrastination is not a useful strategy for avoiding facing the fact that we may make mistakes, especially when trying something new, different, or challenging. Writing/publishing can be a great way to address this, as writing is a reiterative process, including proofreading-critique-refinement.

As a parent, rather than stating that he is anxious/perfectionistic, might you want to describe these as his current challenge areas that he is working to break free from?

Well, he's NOT working at breaking free from perfectionism. He thinks perfectionism is a good quality. Nothing anyone says can change his mind. :sigh: It's been an issue for 6 years.