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    Joined: Oct 2016
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    DS started preschool this fall. He is very social and loves going to school to play with his friends, but he is having some behavior issues. For context, we did have a new baby 2 months ago, and we moved from Ohio to Houston over the summer (a big move!), and Hurricane Harvey dramatically impacted the start of the school year, and these things did have an impact on his behavior. That's a lot of things going on for a preschooler! He has had a greater tendency to act out, but this has improved dramatically in the past month (at least at home). And the behaviors that he is now struggling with at school are the same ones that he had for a long time and that are often associated with boredom. I asked his teacher about if he was possibly seeming bored in class at parent-teacher conferences, as I wondered if this is the root of the issue, but she didn't think that he appeared bored. However, as more and more stories trickle home, I think that is what is going on. He has been purposely answering questions wrong during "circle time" which has been confusing the other kids. They are going over material that he mastered years ago, so he finds it entertaining to give the wrong answer. He often does this at home. He is also often very loud and disruptive -running around the room, yelling, waking up other children at nap time, etc... I've had to pick him up early 3 times for being disruptive. At home, we've observed that when he's bored he tries to entertain himself by being overly silly and trying to make other people laugh, often getting quite loud. Any advice on how to channel all of this energy in a positive direction? Or how to work with the teacher to help DS feel more challenged and perhaps then less disruptive? She seems to misread his boredom behaviors as simply acting out for no reason.

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    Can the teacher have a talk with him and say, “We need to be quiet during nap time. If you aren’t asleep, you can choose from these quiet activities.” And then come up with a plan for what he can do during that time that is acceptable.

    I am concerned that they have you pick him up early for this type of disruption. If he is seeking attention (which I feel has to be considered), your coming to pick him up may be his goal. Is there more to the story than this?

    The game he plays during circle time may be the result of boredom. Is this a play-based preschool?


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    Hi, attention seeking is part of it. The problem is that they don't give them the option to do a quiet activity. They are expected to lay quietly, even if the kids don't really nap anymore. DS stopped napping at 2.5. It's a parochial school, and it's pretty structured for a preschool. We are Catholic and thought a catholic preschool would be nice. And we do like the school and the teachers in general. Everyone is quite nice, but conformity is expected. I'm starting to wonder if maybe the Montessori school I looked at may have been a better fit, but the price break we got for being parishioners was very attractive. We also don't expect him to get much curiculum out of preschool, we mostly like the social aspect. I also thought that as rigorous as kindergarten programs seem these days, maybe a more structured preschool is not a bad idea.

    It seems that his regular teacher has picked up on the attention seeking, but when she's out sick things tend to not go very well.

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    Yeah, I'd tend to go for "this school is not for DS" the moment they make it clear that conformity is the expectation, because that's usually all wrong for any gifted kid. And he has to just lay there like a lump when he's not tired? My DD didn't encounter naps until K, was also not a napper, and she reports she was allowed to color quietly.

    Perhaps the school day is too long. Is it a half day or a full day? My DD attended a public pre-K in the Houston area, and it was just a half day... no naps.

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    I agree that half day could be better. Usually no naps, and you get the socialization in without as much opportunity to get bored. (I also think half day for Kindergarten might be better for a lot of gifted kids.)

    It sounds like this school is rigid. Most pre-schools are not very rigid and are very willing to work with children with different personalities, etc. I wonder if the teacher can get input from an experienced school director? I think you could hold a meeting and see if they are willing to work with your child for the issues at naptime, and be understanding about his behavior at circle time. If not, maybe this isn’t the right school for your child.

    Last edited by howdy; 11/16/17 06:40 AM.
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    One approach that sometimes help is to flip the situation in the teacher's head. Instead of *you* trying to make her do extra work, work on re-framing it as *her* making her own life easier. If she gives him different material that engages him, *she* doesn't have to deal with disruption and problem behaviours.

    Sometimes it helps to propose it as an experiment: "let's try this for a week and see if we get different behaviours". It may also be helpful for you to send in your own materials during that trial, to make sure he is getting the best opportunity to be engaged. If she sees with her own eyes that it helps and makes her job easier, she's more likely to take the idea on as her own.

    The said, it sounds like your DS is being pretty seriously disruptive, in ways that cause problems for the other kids too. This is not a positive for anybody, especially him. It's also pretty common for a really bored gifted kid, though. So you don't want to be too hard on him - but you also need to be pretty clear that these behaviours aren't ok. So show him you understand and you don't blame. prove it by explaining how you are going to try to fix the problem. Ask him for his ideas on what he could do differently to handle the most problematic times (circle and nap). Let him see what you are going to do for him, and what you expect from him in return.

    But bottom line, I'm with Dude. What these kids need most is flexibility. If there is an absolute unwillingness to bend on anything, then the school is likely to spend all their energy trying to force your square peg into their round hole, bashing off his sticky-out bits rather than enjoying and nurturing them. And on a more practical note, I've learned with regret that forcing a non-napper to lie still and seething probably contributed far too much to souring my DD on school for years to follow.

    eta - meant to mention: most teachers take "he's bored" as an insult to their teaching, not a description of the child. It's best to avoid that word, and just describe behaviours and what pre-empts them in other circumstances. "How to get him more engaged" seems to be a less fraught expression.

    Last edited by Platypus101; 11/16/17 06:50 AM.
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    Platypus, thank you for mentioning that it better to reframe boredom in a more positive light. That's seems obvious now, but hadn't occurred to me. The teacher is very sweet and from what I can tell very good with the class, so I don't want her to fell that I think she specifically is doing something wrong.

    The preschool is a full day and they don't have a half day option. Although, nap time is the last activity of the day, so I'm starting to consider picking him up early and having him do his quiet time at home. I'm currently staying at home with the new baby so this would be an option, at least for the time being.

    I did talk with the teaching assistant today and she confirmed that his behavior has improved, but the disruptions are still a problem, particularly at nap time. They've ended up typically moving him to a different room. To be honest, part of the matter is he is a difficult kid. It takes a lot of energy to parent him and we have to set very firm boundaries. He's clever and figured out that the boundaries and school aren't as firm and he gets lots of second chances, so he feels he doesn't have to behave as well at school. We've found for ourselves that he's the kind of kid that if you give him an inch of rope he'll hang himself.

    I do want to try and stick with the school. DS really likes it and is making friends. So maybe your advice can help me tailor his experience a bit.

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    Can you trial bringing him home early and skipping nap time? I spent DD's first year at infants school picking her up at lunch, taking her home for lunch and play, and then returning her to school for the afternoon session, just so she would avoid the strictly enforced nap time. It was only possible because I wasn't working, and it was a massive pain in the neck, but it was better than ruining her first experience of school, and ruining the quality of her overnight sleep.

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    Two of my boys had issues during nap time when they were in preschool. The school ended up removing DS9 from the classroom all together during nap time and that resolved the issue. When my DS6 was in preschool I was able to pick him up early when I was staying at home with a baby. This worked as well and his behaviors were reduced.

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    Lazymum, you are describing exactly what I'm feeling/thinking. I am leaning towards this as a solution. I'm frustrated that we will lose out on 10 hours per week of childcare, but worth it if it can improve DS's experience of school. There is a family history (both his father and grandfather) of being gifted and also being labeled a trouble maker by the school system. I want to avoid this for DS if possible.

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