Gifted Bulletin Board

Welcome to the Gifted Issues Discussion Forum.

We invite you to share your experiences and to post information about advocacy, research and other gifted education issues on this free public discussion forum.
CLICK HERE to Log In. Click here for the Board Rules.

Links


Learn about Davidson Academy Online - for profoundly gifted students living anywhere in the U.S. & Canada.

The Davidson Institute is a national nonprofit dedicated to supporting profoundly gifted students through the following programs:

  • Fellows Scholarship
  • Young Scholars
  • Davidson Academy
  • THINK Summer Institute

  • Subscribe to the Davidson Institute's eNews-Update Newsletter >

    Free Gifted Resources & Guides >

    Who's Online Now
    0 members (), 656 guests, and 13 robots.
    Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
    Newest Members
    parentologyco, Smartlady60, petercgeelan, eterpstra, Valib90
    11,410 Registered Users
    March
    S M T W T F S
    1 2
    3 4 5 6 7 8 9
    10 11 12 13 14 15 16
    17 18 19 20 21 22 23
    24 25 26 27 28 29 30
    31
    Previous Thread
    Next Thread
    Print Thread
    Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
    Joined: May 2011
    Posts: 741
    Member
    OP Offline
    Member
    Joined: May 2011
    Posts: 741
    I think we are about done with the public school forum.

    Our son received a death threat last week from a child at his school. This was delivered via a "thug" that our son has had interaction with last year.

    We called in the local authorities to talk to the principal and the kids involved, but the principal is not very responsive to us thus far. In the past, we told him our child has past "issues" with the children involved and suggested ideas to separate the kids. He did nothing.

    Now this.

    I must say our child is likely a HSC (Highly Sensitive Child) as defined by Elaine Aron. He has had incidents of crying in class that have made him a target of teasing..."You're a cry-baby, like a third grader."

    So we are looking into an online school. So far, it's much better than I expected. A lot more opportunity for our kid to interact with others who may be more "civilized" and interested in activities he enjoys.

    My dilemma is I am an introvert by nature. I REALLY NEED my alone time and I just foresee day after day of some kind of interaction with others (my own kid included) that I really don't think I can handle.

    Is there any homeschoolers out here that can give me some support? I just know this is the direction we are going. I will be home alone with our child and my husband will be working.

    Seriously, I feel panicky. Please help.


    Joined: Apr 2014
    Posts: 4,047
    A
    aeh Offline
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    A
    Joined: Apr 2014
    Posts: 4,047
    First, I'm sorry you and your child have had to go through this disturbing experience at school. Whether or not he exhibits behavioral patterns that increase his visibility as a target, it is not his fault when someone else chooses to use threatening language or actions toward him. I hope he is understanding the message that you are doing what you need to do to keep him safe, including possibly homeschooling.

    With regard to your alone time: sometimes you can prepare the homeschooling scenario for your child in terms of "going to work". If he is sufficiently independent to do online school with minimal hands-on support from you, you may be able to set up a room with a door to be his "office"--or a room with a door to be -your- office. During "work hours", you each go to your office and do your work. Maybe you come out and chat for a few minutes during morning coffee/milk break, lunch, and afternoon snack time, but while at work, you each do your work.

    You can also just say that the morning is school (most kids on this forum can probably finish a day's worth of online school in 3 or 4 hours, or less), and then the afternoon is his free reading, creative, or workshop time. Provide him with the necessary materials/books/workspace, and then say that this is your time to recharge yourself in your way (aka, alone), and his time to recharge himself in his own (safe, obviously) ways, or work on personal interest projects, for a couple of hours.

    You might give a few minutes to thinking about exactly how much solitude you require per day for your own mental health, and then try to either set up his school day with those office hours in mind, or perhaps have a conversation with your husband about setting aside some alone time for yourself when he's home from work.

    Depending on his age, you can also look for drop-off enrichment classes or clubs in your homeschool or larger community (they do exist in many places), to give yourself an hour or two during the week where he's engaged in something outside of the home. Try also museums, libraries, afterschool programs, even some stores (Lego, Apple, Joann Fabrics, Michael's, Hobby Lobby, Lowe's, Home Depot).


    ...pronounced like the long vowel and first letter of the alphabet...
    Joined: Oct 2011
    Posts: 2,856
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    Joined: Oct 2011
    Posts: 2,856
    Our DD did online school, and it was as aeh suggested - she sat at a desk in her bedroom to attend lessons, with the door closed to eliminate background noise. She did her assigned work at the same desk.

    Given that she could work at her own pace, it didn't take up an outrageous amount of her day, so there was a lot more free time than she'd have had in school. Her mother was also a first stop for any questions, who was also expected to be a sort of facilitator between DD and the school.

    Bottom line, her mom found a lot of time for other things through the day, less so than when DD attended a brick-and-mortar. But being there for our kids is part of the responsibility we assume when we create them.

    Joined: Oct 2013
    Posts: 279
    H
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    H
    Joined: Oct 2013
    Posts: 279
    I’m sorry you are in this situation.

    aeh’s advice is good. Get a schedule in place, a dedicated place to work (or two, if you have them) from the beginning. Some exercise in that schedule might be helpful for both of you.

    Although, it is true that many kids here may do their work very fast, if your child is a perfectionist, or distracted, they may require more supervision.

    Can you schedule alone time in the evenings or weekends?

    Joined: Nov 2012
    Posts: 2,513
    A
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    A
    Joined: Nov 2012
    Posts: 2,513
    I'm appalled at the response you've gotten from the school, as I'm sure you are. Have you filed a complaint against the principal with the district? The principal is responsible for enforcing safety standards in school, and his behaviour belies a troubling disregard for his duty of care to the students under his watch. Death threats are no trivial matter, and there should be a serious disciplinary intervention to address the problem behaviours so that the issue is never repeated, either with your child or others.

    It's wonderful that you have the ability to homeschool and remove your son from such a negative environment, and I applaud you for taking that step. Your son will benefit.

    As to homeschooling, it will involve significant time with your child, and you'll need to honestly self-assess to determine whether it's a fit for your family. I don't recall your son's age exactly, but as both a former SAH homeschooler and a single parent who homeschooled part-time while teleworking, I can suggest the following broad strokes of what worked for us:

    1. Set up a dedicated work space for your child to work in uninterrupted. All work is done in that space to clearly separate work and leisure areas in the house.

    2. Plan out a consistent daily schedule for your child, and provide clear instructions and demonstrations of the work expected. This will empower your son to focus and provide an effective effort in the allotted class time. You might be in the room or general vicinity in the house doing an independent activity at that time. School work will probably occupy at least 3 hours a day and, with good work habits, that will give you a substantial envelope of solo time each day.

    3. Depending on how your own schedule is formatted, plan to incorporate some physical activity regularly throughout the day to promote focus and enjoyment. This might look like the two of you going for a bike ride for an hour before your start time; taking an extra-long lunch break to shoot some hoops together/kick around a ball/go for a run together; or attending a martial arts or yoga class together after school. Getting in this time will cover multiple bases--you'll both get exercise and practice in sports, you'll burn off steam and, most importantly, you'll have a great time together.

    4. Arrange a set time (say, half an hour) every school day for your son to "present" independent research results to you. This is a great opportunity for him to synthesize his results, prepare a storyboard, practice public speaking, and get the attention and validation he needs and craves. It validates his efforts, gives him an opportunity to access feedback, is terrific practice in presenting, it acts as a springboard to great discussions to extend content, and gives him an incentive to get his work done (because having a poor presentation is embarrassing).

    As to scheduling in alone time, I think you're going to have to do a personal inventory of your son's needs and yours and honestly evaluate where each of you will have to bend. You don't mention whether your need for alone time is motivated by personal preference or a need to balance telework with your son's homeschooling; that context would be helpful for me in terms of providing feedback in that area.


    What is to give light must endure burning.
    Joined: Mar 2013
    Posts: 1,808
    P
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    P
    Joined: Mar 2013
    Posts: 1,808
    I am so sorry your son had to deal with this. The behavior is not acceptable. I am happy to see you are planning to pull him from the toxic situation.

    What are the things that you need to do to decompress? Are they activities that you and your DS can do in parallel? For example, if reading is your decompression time, then set aside a time period to read everyday, then afterward, talk about what you just read. Or if you need physical activity, then is there something you can do together? For example, can you both go swimming or hiking or take a yoga class together? Or if you paint, is there an art thing he can do at the same time?

    Communication and boundaries are your friend. You will have to make adjustments. Make sure to check in frequently to see if things are working for both of you and if not, what needs to change.

    Does your DS also need a lot of down time? Mine loves his block of time to pursue his interest. He insists it stays as part of our schedule.

    Online classes definitely open blocks of time for you.

    Joined: May 2011
    Posts: 741
    Member
    OP Offline
    Member
    Joined: May 2011
    Posts: 741
    Originally Posted by aeh
    Depending on his age, you can also look for drop-off enrichment classes or clubs in your homeschool or larger community (they do exist in many places), to give yourself an hour or two during the week where he's engaged in something outside of the home. Try also museums, libraries, afterschool programs, even some stores (Lego, Apple, Joann Fabrics, Michael's, Hobby Lobby, Lowe's, Home Depot).

    That is something I hadn't considered; although I now remember seeing classes offered at Joann Fabrics, and Lowe's. I suppose my mindset is stuck in the B&M schools and I need to be more aware of "school hours" opportunities.

    Joined: May 2011
    Posts: 741
    Member
    OP Offline
    Member
    Joined: May 2011
    Posts: 741
    Originally Posted by Dude
    Our DD did online school, and it was as aeh suggested - she sat at a desk in her bedroom to attend lessons, with the door closed to eliminate background noise. She did her assigned work at the same desk.

    Given that she could work at her own pace, it didn't take up an outrageous amount of her day, so there was a lot more free time than she'd have had in school.

    Our son already has his own "office" set up with desk, computer and chalkboard. We were just talking this morning about getting one of those sitting balls for him since he will be spending much more time at the desk. The current steno chair from the 1980's won't cut it. wink

    Working at his own pace sounds so wonderful. We have been wanting to place him in music lessons and a martial art, but the time structure he's been locked into has been prohibitive.

    Joined: May 2011
    Posts: 741
    Member
    OP Offline
    Member
    Joined: May 2011
    Posts: 741
    Originally Posted by howdy
    I’m sorry you are in this situation.

    Although, it is true that many kids here may do their work very fast, if your child is a perfectionist, or distracted, they may require more supervision.

    Can you schedule alone time in the evenings or weekends?

    Thank you for your sympathy. Really no child should have to endure what our son has. I found out he kept most of the past bullying to himself! No reporting done on any of it. No wonder he broke down in class upset when the health textbook asked about self-esteem. frown

    He's not a perfectionist, but very conscientious about completing his work. He has told me not to worry about his not getting the assignments done.

    I've had some heart-to-heart conversations with my husband about my alone time needs and I think he understands our family is about to go through a change of flow. He's completely dedicated to me and DS, so I know we can get through this. He knows I need time to "catastrophize" the worst-case scenario to work through a new change.

    Joined: May 2011
    Posts: 741
    Member
    OP Offline
    Member
    Joined: May 2011
    Posts: 741
    Originally Posted by aquinas
    I'm appalled at the response you've gotten from the school, as I'm sure you are. Have you filed a complaint against the principal with the district? The principal is responsible for enforcing safety standards in school, and his behaviour belies a troubling disregard for his duty of care to the students under his watch. Death threats are no trivial matter, and there should be a serious disciplinary intervention to address the problem behaviours so that the issue is never repeated, either with your child or others.

    Thanks for your sympathy, too. I'm also appalled. The principal told my husband that they have teachers watching the kids, but quote, "we can't watch them all the time." Disclaimer! So in other words, if we send him back, and the kid in question sticks a knife in his side at lunchtime, you will say you told us so?

    I don't know if my husband (who has handled the communication with the principal thus far) will file a complaint. He may decide to forgo the aggravation. However, he has said our son's teachers should know the reason we are pulling him...not mentioning names of the perps...but letting them know our son experienced this.

    Originally Posted by aquinas
    4. Arrange a set time (say, half an hour) every school day for your son to "present" independent research results to you. This is a great opportunity for him to synthesize his results, prepare a storyboard, practice public speaking, and get the attention and validation he needs and craves. It validates his efforts, gives him an opportunity to access feedback, is terrific practice in presenting, it acts as a springboard to great discussions to extend content, and gives him an incentive to get his work done (because having a poor presentation is embarrassing).

    I read this someplace else and thought it was an excellent idea. Our DS is in the process of starting a local rocketry club with his dad and having him do some presentations would really benefit him!


    Page 1 of 3 1 2 3

    Moderated by  M-Moderator 

    Link Copied to Clipboard
    Recent Posts
    Testing with accommodations
    by aeh - 03/27/24 01:58 PM
    Quotations that resonate with gifted people
    by indigo - 03/27/24 12:38 PM
    For those interested in astronomy, eclipses...
    by indigo - 03/23/24 06:11 PM
    California Tries to Close the Gap in Math
    by thx1138 - 03/22/24 03:43 AM
    Gifted kids in Illinois. Recommendations?
    by indigo - 03/20/24 05:41 AM
    Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5