Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school Our backstory, with a side of possible denial.

Hello,

I have been reading posts here for about a year, and thought it time to introduce my daughter and myself, so that I may participate more fully in the future without getting myself bogged down each time in backstory. This has stopped me from commenting before (rueful smile). It is also a relief to talk at length about her anywhere, so thank you for that. I have already benefited enormously from reading the experiences of others, particularly when it comes to cleaving the cognitive dissonance of gifted denial (which I struggle with, hence this post, hence the familiar twinge I feel even mentioning it).

From birth, DD appeared to be what the Internet told us was an ordinary "High Needs" baby. She required constant holding, was a poor sleeper, was easily overstimulated, had sensory issues with certain qualities of sound, etc. She was usually early on her fine motor and cognitive milestones, but average to slow on her gross motor (with the exception of holding her head up at birth). She called me "Mama" with intense eye contact at around eight months, which I dismissed as unlikely for some reason, and said "Mama baba" (bottle) at twelve months, but aside from that spoke little to none except for the usual and normal babbling and gesturing, with a limited discernible spoken vocabulary, until she was two. We brought it up with the pediatrician, suspecting a delay, but she was unconcerned, as our daughter clearly understood us well enough.

Fast forward to her second birthday, I was sitting home alone with her in my lap, drawing pictures for her, trying to teach her how to hold the stylus correctly, when she pointed to a scribble I'd made and said, "Two!". Well, there was a two of sorts in there, so on a whim I drew a one and she said, "One!" She then proceeded to reveal fluency in number and letter recognition (numbers up to ten and capital letters, in any order). I suspect she taught herself from a talking play-table I'd given her four months before and which she'd spent a lot of time on, but she's always had toy iPads and smartphones etc, so I have no way of knowing when she learned this stuff because she just didn't talk. I had always limited her TV exposure to virtually none, she has no in-house siblings and she'd never been babysat by anyone but myself or her father, and while it's true I'd read to her from infancy, we'd never done anything with numbers, or even remotely like formal "educating", as it had never occurred to me.

Within weeks, her language exploded. Strangers started commenting on her speech thinking she was 4-5. She would scream out letters she saw on signage and trucks as we drove, and demanded we "play letters" in the car, so I quizzed her on the sounds they made, not knowing what else to do. She learned those after hearing them once. She figured out the concept of right and left on her own, could draw with intense focus for hours (four hours at twenty-four months, for example). She started writing letters and numbers, but would quit in frustration very quickly because she couldn't hold the crayon well. So I got Starfall for her and the iPad became hers. She started sight-reading three-letter words, so I showed her how to sound them out, (trying to feed the beast), but she showed frustration there as well, so I dropped it. She could enumerate higher and higher, up to twenty, consistently. She knew all the basic colors and shapes. She would say startling things like, "The house is a rectangle!" (it is) or "My glass is a cylinder!" or "My pea is a sphere!" I read books to her every night before bed, sometimes 10 or more at her demand. One night she sounded out "cat" successfully and acted startled, like the word leapt out at her, then refused to have anything more to do with it. This was all before 2.5 years.

Things then seemed to slow, or else we've just adapted, or it's less obvious. She continues to make startling connections between things, and she has a remarkable memory, to the point that she's a trustworthy source of information (we've fact-checked her). She has no interest in learning to read, but loves to be read to, and likes to identify the first sound in a word, or to name lists of words that all start with the same sound, spontaneously and while she's eating lunch, for example. She is unfortunately intensely fascinated with the tv now, which is hard because she's so sensitive to any hint of tension (and what plot has none?!) that even preschool cartoons sometimes cause her to recoil and cover her ears or hide. She's starting to tell time using the clock on the wall (very roughly, but on her own), and she plays around with basic single-digit addition and subtraction.

She's finally comfortable enough to be left with a group of age peers for brief periods, though she gravitates toward the teacher. This is a big relief for me, because up until now she would have nothing to do with other little kids, though I tried play groups and the park. She was scared of them coming into her space, and the grabbing and screaming. She never went through that stage herself, for some reason. She would gravitate toward kids years older than her, who of course ignored her.

In spite of the above, there are seemingly long periods of calm where I almost forget and consider ordinary preschool arrangements, for example, until I see their curriculum.

What prompted my post is a nightmare she had recently of she and I trapped in a fire "getting burned". She said it "got us", and was clearly deeply troubled. I don't know where she got the concept of fire even being dangerous, or of (evidently) death. There was a lot of detail too, "many many" cars and trucks on fire, a gravel road on fire. Her Daddy who "wouldn't help us because he was at his work". I'm not sure how she can even conceive of some of this stuff, and I'm worried about the existential depression I've read about on here. She said the fire "burned everything". I hate the thought of her being so profoundly afraid so young.

This is just a smidgen of it all, but I wanted to finally jump in more fully. I feel like Captain Obvious, but does it seem likely we belong here? I've read a lot that seems to indicate yes, but I need to ask the question. Thanks for reading.

You belong here. (((Hugs)))

In a word, yes!

We had to screen media for one of ours, as typical preschool movies like Finding Nemo and Cars were too frightening (e.g., that child never made it past the opening scene of FN, when Nemo's mother is eaten by a shark; Cars was "too scary" because of the moment when Lightning McQueen gets separated from Mack). For some children, it's helpful to talk about the safety resources that exist (smoke detectors, 911, fire extinguishers, etc.). (Though I expect you had that conversation already!) DC is still an anxious person, but, with the passage of time and increase in general maturity, no longer routinely overwhelmed by emotions too intense to process.

Thank you both for the affirmation. It's such a weird problem to see a gifted behavior with clarity in the moment, and then to want to dismiss it later. I should mention she's now 39 months, so still a year too young for the local preschools I considered for about two seconds.

I guess I keep thinking, well, she's still young, there's still time for it to turn out to have been a huge misunderstanding on my part. Lol.

Aeh, that's exactly what I'm talking about, except that I couldn't even consider Finding Nemo yet, as she thinks Little Einsteins is scary. And the Pete the Cat book where he swims underwater. She covers her ears and tries to hide. It's good to know that it can get better. Thanks again.

Yes, everyone belongs here... from the mildly curious to those steeped in giftedness, this open public forum has a diverse membership.

When your child is a bit older, you might look into the Davidson Young Scholars (DYS) program for profoundly gifted.

In addition to being gifted, your child sounds largely auto-didactic (self-taught) thus far. However even most gifted kids will need instruction at their appropriate level of academic challenge (zone of proximal development or ZPD) at some point. There is an ongoing complication in assessing for appropriate curriculum placement and pacing as these kiddos may often learn much more rapidly and also deeper (having tangentially related questions) than schools typically teach... therefore these kids may appear to be both ahead and behind, at the same time.

Your child's dream/nightmare of the fire may remain unexplained and may fade from memory. However there are many stories and reports (evidently credible) of young children reporting "past lives." Many of these experiences (which may be found online with a web search) seem to also fade from a child's memory as the child ages. Such experiences may be controversial as some faith belief systems do not accept reincarnation, therefore (like giftedness) these experiences cannot often be discussed with family, friends, and acquaintances IRL without possible permanent change/damage/distancing within one's network and support system. My thoughts would be to write down what your child says and keep it tucked away somewhere in case it may become pivotal to your child's future development. Here are two articles which touch on these type of childhood memories... one by Joy Navan (a former SENG director) and one by Stephanie Tolan.

My DS was intensely sensitive at that age as well. He even banned a particular Biscuit book, where Biscuit gets muddy and the little girl says "silly puppy", because it stressed him out too much to see Biscuit get in trouble. But, he is 6 now and this year we have seen (drumroll please...) two movies in the movie theatre! There were still quite a few tears at Cars 3, but we were all thrilled at the milestone, lol.

Thanks Indigo. I hadn't considered that interpretation. She's made connections between disparate bits of information before that were so startling as to seem almost extrasensory, so I've become used to the feeling of something remarkable going on, to the point of almost dismissing it. I do however try to keep a decent record of her growth and activities. Yet another good reason to do so.

Andes, I was just telling DD's father that one of these days, I'm going to fake a dental appointment so that I can sneak off to the movies. It's been over three years. Hehe.

Our daughters sound remarkably alike. I too mainly lurk here and I have learned a tremendous amount from reading the stories of other parents who have been through it all. I often vacillate between thinking my kid is obviously gifted and thinking that I'm full of it.

We also recently looked at preschools, many of which boast about their academic curricula that teach the kids letters. I'm like OK, here's a child who taught herself the alphabet before 18 months, having her sit in a circle learning "B says buh" is not my idea of a good time. We did find a Montessori that aims to meet kids at their own level so I am now optimistic about preschool. And "play-based" schools have a lot to offer, but they don't seem common in my area.

But much like your daughter, mine is sensitive about being around large groups of kids. At a birthday party last weekend she complained that all the kids were "way too loud" so we'll see how she does with a classroom full of kids! And movies are out of the question, she gets upset at the slightest things.

Anyway, it was interesting to read about your daughter and see such similarities in a child who is the same age!

Berbere, I haven't found a good play-based preschool around here either. It's really nice to hear that our children are similar. I've always been a fringe dweller myself, all through school to the present day, but I want something better for DD. I have a happy little dream of her finding a whole gang of smart kids to get into trouble with.

Sorry for the delay, I'm still subject to moderation issues. This post may actually be number five.

I'm also a newbie here, with a son a bit older than your DD (4). He is also intensely sensitive to "scary" parts of kids' movies - we've never been able to watch one yet, even what you would think would be the mildest...

In terms of preschools, are there any Reggio Emilia based ones on your area? That has been tremendously successful for my son. It's an "emergent curriculum," which means the teachers respond to questions and interests from the group of children in designing the day to day activities. Math and literacy skills are taught, but through being incorporated into a genuine inquiry or activity of a different kind (e.g, students may measure the vegetables they have planted and record their growth from week to week, or they may use emergent writing skills to make captions for photos they take on their woods walks, etc). Two of my son's "obsessions" have ended up becoming full-scale curricular threads that lasted several weeks each. And there is lots and lots of outside time and free play. So...we've been very lucky with schooling so far.