Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Teaching a PreK Kid how to deal w disruptive envir

So this may not be as much gifted related, as to parenting related. But I assume most of us have a kid that is enthusiastic about learning, and that being possibly hampered is a big concern for us.

I have a 4 year old who is always excited about school, enjoys learning, playing, and is a very good listener in class.
Morning class is perfect, does his work, teacher is great! At 11:45 they switch to the afternoon class.

Afternoon class I believe there is a kid that is proving to be difficult. He has some behavior issues of not listening and hitting other kids. My kid has never been hit.

The problem is for the first time on the way to school today, he wanted to get picked up after morning, but before afternoon class. He said, after a lot of prodding, that some kids are not nice in class, I asked why they are not nice and he stated that they hit. After clarifying that he wasnt hit, I could tell that this situation is making him sad, on the verge of tears (not crying, just sad enough to have tears run down his face).

Talked to the afternoon teacher, she confirmed that there is a kid hitting, etc. They are working on their end to try to get the situation to a resolution. She was also disheartened to hear how this was affecting my kid, because he does a pretty good job and is generally enthusiastic.

I told her I understand, I just want to know what is going on in the class, and try to set my kid up for success. That includes how to deal with an environment like this. So I'm trying to figure out what are some coping mechanisms for my son to deal with the situation.
I have google'd but my google-fu must be weak on this subject. I have found lots of links on how to deal with the disruptive student, but now how to have a kid in the classroom deal with the emotions from the situation.

TLDR: Kid in Afternoon Class hits other kids (not mine), it makes my kid sad, and not as excited about the class as he normally is. What coping strategies can I provide my kid in this situation, to keep him excited about his class?

I don't have advice for "keeping him excited about the class". I perceive you have an opportunity to teach (put a name on) emotions like empathy, compassion. It also provides an opportunity to introduce the concept of boundaries - which goes a long way towards managing and preventing anxiety. If your son witnesses violence, does tha make him responsible? (No.) But many people do take on control and responsibility for things outside of their control. You can coach him "what do you control in the situation / what do you not control?" What are appropriate responses for him? Well, mindfulness meditation would be a good one. Reassuring that his teacher and the struggling child's parents are doing their best. Also, presenting that te struggling child is doing his very best in the situation, and there's a reason why he's having difficulty. That being known for hitting and having trouble with friends is not fun for him and he's not choosing it for himself. "Children do well if they can."

What the struggling child does is beyond your control. At preK level, I don't think too much of it. However if your son stays with the same peer group for some years, stay aware of the situation.

My son had a similar experience. He started bricks-and-mortar school in 4K. I pulled him out of bricks-and-mortar school after 1st grade, but he still took gym/art/music there in 2nd grade My son and the bully child forged a friendship, but the bully child was still struggling. 3rd grade my son went to elementary school for gym/recess, until there was an incident where the bully asked my son to play, my son said no, and the bully attacked him. One of the girls my son was playing with took off her shoe and started beating on the bully kid - if that gives you an idea of the level of chaos and animosity going on in the whole class.

A child hitting in preK is a whole lot different than in 3rd grade. It's likely self-limiting, but if not, stay aware of the situation as the years tick by.

Try to keep perspective an empathy for the struggling child as well.

You might want to try your search-fu on these forums, in addition to the internet at large.

When someone is being a bully, there is also a role of victim(s), and a role of bystander... which seems to be role we are focused on at the moment.

What immediately comes to mind is a common trait in gifted children, often listed amongst identifying characteristics, which is alternately described as "advanced moral reasoning", "well developed sense of justice", "moral sensitivity", "advanced ability to think about such abstract ideas as justice and fairness", "empathy", "compassion". Links to lists of gifted characteristics include several articles on the Davidson Database here and here, SENG (Silverman), SENG (Lovecky).

This dilemma also reminded me of an old thread, which was focused on concern for the victim... possibly some of the ideas discussed there may be of help.

Indigo is right. Gifted children have an advanced sense of justice at an early age as well as highly developed empathy and sensitivity.
Since this seems to be a preK age classroom and the teachers are aware of the situation, I think that they will take care of it soon. But, if this persists, you may have to consider if the placement is right for your son.
My son had huge problems with kids not following class room rules, kids shoving others on purpose, kids displaying cruelty to animals (kids throwing rocks at birds, bumblebees and butterflies during recess) etc at that age. That is when I found out that there is a huge difference in attitude between myself and some school staff as well as many parents when it came to such things. Well, long story short, I moved my child - it took a few moves but eventually he is in a school that insists on kindness, respect and helping others - any of those offending behaviors that happened at his old school will be dealt with immediately in the new school. My son is no longer emotionally drained after school because he does not have to cope with things that are not under his control. He also does not have to sacrifice his recess time to be on volunteer patrol duty to look out for kids being shoved and birds getting hurt.
Now, he has mental energy to focus on academics and socialization in his work day.

This thread made me feel so much better. We had our son in daycare three days a week from just before he turned 2 until he was about 2 1/2. He's an only child and he seemed lonely so we thought it would help him. We told them going in that he was very bright and unusually heavy and strong. I don't think they believed us.

Our son was clearly depressed and was going backward with his potty training. He liked the kids, but something was wrong and we couldn't figure out what. Finally after an incident where he was dropped and the school blamed him for being dropped we took him out.

A few weeks later he started talking about it. He has said the teachers were too rough with the kids and some of the parents were also mean to the kids. He said the teachers were grabbing him and some parents talked about hitting their kids in front of him. He's now 3. Whenever we drive past the school he says he misses his friends but does not want to go back.

No one I know in real life has had any negative experiences with a preschool. It's sad that it happens sometimes, but it's relieving to know it wasn't just us.