Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Tense Hands and Fidget Cubes?

When my 5th grader (9 yo son) isn't using his hands for something else he always seems to be tensing them up and then letting them relax (best way I now how to describe it) over and over and over. Even when he's just sitting there watching tv or reading or even when there's a break in a video game he's playing. His hands are flat but he squeezes his fingers together (each hand separately) and then relaxes them.

I would say it's his way to cope with stress but there shouldn't be any stress just watching tv. Or maybe staying in motion (even with just his hands) is a way for him to cope with his giftedness and his over active brain.

But as a parent it almost hurts me because to me it doesn't ever look like he is at rest and is stress free.

Does anyone else's child do something very similar and if so do you say anything to your child about it or do you just let it go?

In my gifted math class (7th grade teacher) today I notice a child had a 'fidget cube' (6 sides with different type of devices to keep fingers busy) and I was wondering if something like this would help my son relax or if it would make him more stressed.

I would love to hear your thoughts.

Thank you!!!

TripleB

A few thoughts -

Mentioning to your son that he does not look relaxed may make him feel even less relaxed... unless you can partner that statement with something along the lines of, "can I show you what helps me?"

So here are a few tips... Did you ever have a manicure, in which you also received a hand massage? Very relaxing. There are tips online for giving a hand massage, and also for a person to massage their own hands. There are several youtube videos and also pictures paired with descriptions on wikihow. If you try hand massage for yourself and find it to be beneficial, then you can honestly offer to show your son something which has helped you.

Stress balls and fidget toys are great, but there can be a limit as to the time and place for these... just as there can be for a hand massage.

Is he athletic... or does he have energy that he needs to burn off... might a sport or physical activity help? Possibly it is not about his hands per se, but rather an amount of pent up energy that could be released by jogging, martial arts, swimming, basketball, a bicycle ride, etc?

One more idea is knitting.
It is possible that a combination of strategies may help him feel more relaxed and also project an image of being relaxed.

My DS8 also ALWAYS has to be doing something with his hands. The only time his hands are at rest is when he is sleeping or playing computer games.

At one point (lasted over a year), he had a bald patch from twisting his hair constantly. Although his pediatrician, the school psych and school OT all didn't see it as a problem since he does well in school and doesn't show other significant sensory issues.

I find it horribly distracting when he's doing homework but he says it helps him think to have something in his hands.

I've gone between ignoring it and gently calling it to his attention and asking him to stop (such as the hair twisting). He never stops, just moves to doing something else with his hands.

My DS5 uses fidget toys at school to help keep the rest of his body more still. The fidget cube was recommended by his teacher and is his favorite, but some of the sides do make a clicking noise which could be annoying to some. There are lots of different kinds of fidget toys you can try. The ones he's tried that I personally find more sensory pleasing in my hand include squishing a small ball back and forth in a small soft tube and several made from bike chains or key chains. I've never been a fidgeter myself but I've considered taking one to a work meeting to see if I find it calming Anyway, I think there is a lot of room for trial and error and personal preference. One difficulty is keeping track of a small object; our cube has been lost and found a few times.

DS13 is very tactile and seems to need to use his hands. Sometimes it can be problematic like when he annoyed his 4th grade teacher by applying his scissors to every single pencil in his pouch or constantly touching things (including my clothes) when we are seated next to each other. It is better than he can satisfy his impulses without destroying objects or bothering other people. By the way, he is much better able to control himself now than at age 9. I think that stress can exacerbate this behavior but it often occurs in relaxed situations as well. If you are concerned that is is a motor tic, then mention it to his doctor.