Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school dealing with toddler fears - help!

Recently my 2.5 y/o DS has begun to have realizations about death and serious injuries. This had led him to develop crippling fears, that manifest at unexpected times, but especially when dealing with narrative, whether its a movie or a story book. We've had to ban movies all together, as even movies he's seen many times before (and loved in the past) can send him into a panic attack. This has also happened during story time, when he anticipates the main character will encounter some kind of trouble later in the story. It's fine that he doesn't want to read/watch these stories until he's not scared of them anymore, but I'm afraid that this is spilling over into everyday life and he is becoming hesitant to try new things and take risks. Any advice on help him to overcome these concepts and feel less anxious? In the past we've had success with getting him to understand and cope with new concepts and experience through books. Can you recommend any good story books that might help?

My oldest also developed fears around that age, and even PBS shows and Dr. Suess books had frightening elements. He was also particularly concerned with our house burning down or being damaged in a storm, but there were many things that concerned him. Fortunately, this never spilled over too dramatically into major anxiety or major risk-aversion.

What we did was to discuss his fears, talk about why that wasn't a problem or wouldn't happen, and let him know unequivocally that we were careful about his safety. If your son responds positively to books, he'll likely be very open to your discussion about any fears that crop up. For example, we pushed against our walls to show how strong they were against a storm. We talked about what lightning was and showed that it didn't scare us.

As for trying new things, being a good model is important. By trying new things yourself and enjoying them, your child will see the benefits and very likely want to have a go himself. Also, if you have problems with anxiety, kids will pick that up very quickly, so it's a good idea to address that as well. Anxiety isn't a problem in our house, but I've seen this happen in families we know.

Going back to books and media, we just let him pick books and shows he was comfortable with. The period of anxiety over books was fortunately quite short (talking about how everything will work out helped, even if it did ruin the story), and now he at 6 can read books without fears, even if the movie equivalent is too scary (from Peter Pan to the Hobbit).

I hope this helps. Our boy will always be cautious, but he's never been limited by fear or missed out on anything major, except perhaps some slides he decided were too fast.

Our DS6 also had pretty big fears that started when he was around 3. They ran the gamut from Swiper (yes, he was scared of the swiping fox in Dora the Explorer) to the sun going supernova. He is still scared of most movies, but has become quite brave in relation to many of his past fears: he can now go for hikes and camping in the forest without being too scared of bears and getting lost, he no longer asks about what possible natural disasters might occur in places we visit, and he can now swim in lakes without fearing what might lurk beneath the surface. He is even actually fearless in many respects, now that I think about it - this summer, he did some awesome cliff jumping off a 12 foot cliff!

I don't have any new advice to add to DianaG's, except that it's also a good idea to be patient. If you spend enough time doing what she suggests, you'll likely find that it will all fade away before you know it. When our DS's fears were at their peak, a few people suggested that it might be because kids often understand risks before they can deal with them emotionally. And this may be even more pronounced for GC, given their level of understanding at such a young age. Plus, they may understand the risk but not understand the likelihood/probability of the risk actually materializing. So discussing these things with him and allowing him time to process them may be the best approach.

I think we're out of the woods with DS at this point, fingers crossed that it doesn't come back! Good luck to you, and hopefully it will also pass sooner than later.

Thanks for your comments! I suppose I've been unsure about how to talk to him about his fears because I'm afraid that I could make it worse. I like the idea of talking about the plot of the story before reading it and I think we will try that. We make sure to stress his saftey at home, that mommy and daddy will keep him safe as he brings up the different things that worry him, and this helps him feel better, but unfortunately, I think it also contributes to attachment issues. I struggle sometimes to find the right words with him to discuss difficult topics. While I know he has the vocabulary to understand, I worry that he is not emotionally old enough to process the information. This week he developed his own coping mechanism to things that scare him by declaring that they are all imaginary, which is not the most healthy approach either. I'm going to try getting him to talk with me about some of these issues and see how it goes. Thanks!