Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy DS5 is mad about being challenged

DS5 is in kindergarten with a lot of differentiation. After a month of breezing through progressively more difficult work he finally got to something challenging and he was furious. It sounds like it was reading graphs and solving problems.

DS8 was laughing at him. "School isn't just about showing up and looking like a genius on the easy stuff. They figure out what you don't know and make you learn it!"

DS5 was not having it. "The math was mixed with reading and the problem wasn't even there. I had to read and then make it myself!"

This outrage lead to destruction laced imaginative play at recess. He and his friends planted maple seeds all around the school in hopes that the trees would grow to cover the school and turn it into a jungle. There might've been magic involved too. We'll see tomorrow if it worked. 😀

Kudos to DS8 for his words of wisdom shared with DS5!

Advanced or challenging work may seem punitive to a child, depending upon the circumstances under which it is administered, and may aggravate a child's sense of justice/injustice.

For example:
- advanced work which separates a child socially,
- advanced work which seems to have a purpose of letting a child know "you're not so smart",
- advanced work which is not introduced in a positive manner,
- advanced work which a child is expected to puzzle through on their own, without any teaching/instruction or walk-through,
- advanced work given without encouragement,
- advanced work without offering help or assistance if needed,
- advanced work after which the child is not commended for effort and persistence.

Many gifted kids can plainly see that they are required to produce greater results for lesser rewards than classmates, and this can lead to problems with self-esteem, a sense of inferiority, social isolation, and underachievement. These things can have a negative impact on a child's character development.

The idea of challenging work is not to create social barriers and/or emotional difficulty, but to stimulate the child's intellectual and academic growth at his/her zone of proximal development (ZPD), while providing support and encouragement.

Unfortunately, "challenge" may become a buzzword like "differentiation" in that it can mean a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g a person wants it to mean at the moment, therefore gentle probing may be needed to gain clarification of what the "challenge" consists of. Learning the the 5Ws (Who, What, Where, When, Why... and How) may help parents understand whether the "challenge" was a positive element added into the child's learning experience, or whether it created a toxic environment.

Actually I think this is a great opportunity to address perfectionism and the desire to make mistakes in order to learn and progress. I have a somewhat challenge-averse 6 yo, but over time and multiple discussions, she has lessened her fear of failure and even adopted the "I like a challenge" verbiage lately.

We have read "the Most Magnificent Thing," "11 Experiments that Failed," "Ada Twist, Scientist," and Your Fantastic Elastic Brain" together recently. These are all kids books that celebrate the idea of try, try again and nobody's perfect.

I also think it's important to address what is hard about it (we found out that when my DD said "it's hard," she actually meant all the handwriting, not the problems) and help him brainstorm general methods of working out solutions (i.e., ask the teacher for an example, write out the problem in a different way, use models to illustrate the problem, etc.). Teaching a child how to address a challenge is way more important than the challenge itself, and it's wonderful that he can learn this now instead of when he's older and may have more difficulty with it.