Hi Stephanie,
I went back to re-read the original post, to see if the friendships could maybe justify the treatment he is getting...and I heard my internal voice chanting after each point 'hot lava' 'hot lava' hot lava....

This started out as a 'don't step on the crack game DS12 had around age 5 and was adopted while I was teaching him chess and looking for spaces to move to when a piece is threatened. I still mutter it, although happily DS doesn't. Recently I saw my young cousin doing the same thing.

Me: Does everyone in your chess club say, 'hot lava' ?
Him: No, just you aunt.
Me: Do you usually say it?
Him: No, just remembering.

So cute!

When DS was in 2nd grade, he was placed with a teacher who 'loved smart boys.' At the time we were told that he had NonVerbal learning disorder, and thought he was MG, 2E. Since we've been told that his PG, PIA. (Pain in the Extremity)
This teacher got so emotionally caught up in 'straightening this kid out' that she did convinse him that 'something was wrong with him.' Since then I've realized that even really smart kids, even kids with really loving families, will start to internalize the judgements of significant adults who are with them 6 hours a day. In your case your son is older, and has two teachers, but the fishbowl nature of some private schools does I think magnify this effect. And there is the MD's suggestion of Depression, so I think you are in 'hot lava' and need to 'move to a safer square' even if you have to give up some of the advantages.

I don't know if it will work, or be 'out of the frying pan and ito the fire' but we are delighted beyond our expectations.

One thing that the PG families say, is that if an academic situation works for 6 months, and stops working, that's a win. That's how low the expectations are for things to go well for kids in school. Now I know plenty of kids who have situations that work for them for years in a row, but I would like you to remove any self blame you might be having about 'why can't this continue to work for him?'

((Hugs))
Grinity

Thanks Grinity,

New school year for all starts next Feb.....so kids enter new grade then. My son would have to either have Year 7 (next year)in a new school, then move on to High School (Year 8) the next year, at another new school; or grade skip straight to high school (Year 8) next year.

He has lost all confidence this year in his abilities, and is scared of a grade skip. He too wants to "straighten his teacher out" next year, and thinks he can win her around and change her! They are both as stubborn as each other I say, and she will not change. Well, he won't either.

I am still not keen on 2 school changes over the next 2 years. Over the years, he has struggled socially at school at times, and takes a long time to form friendships. At the moment I am leaning towards somehow trying to home school him next year, then into high school the year after. However, I will talk to the head teacher at the current school first. The teacher in charge of "behaviour management" in the middle school has talked to my son recently (my son gets on well with him by the way), and said that he believes that "the home teacher is contributing to the situation" (hallelejah!), and he was planning to talk to her about it (he witnessed one of the recent screaming incidents at my son in the hall). So, I will give the school a chance to make some kind of move for next year.

However, the homeschool option is becoming the fallback option, as a skip to 8, although a good option, is very unlikely to occur.

Thanks

Steph

I'm praying for you, Steph, that things line up just right, and perhaps the 'behaviour management' teacher can help push for the skip at the private school as a 'least-worst' option.

Given the way the teacher and your son have 'locked' in to their positions, I feel that you MUST step in to change something.

As for the double transition, this is exactly what we worried about, and exactly what seems to be working well for our son, (so far)

There is certianly nothing wrong with homeschooling for next year.

You know, at the private school, DS in 7th was a straight B student, and when we considered the move back to public, he begged us to 'decelerate him' on the grounds that 'now that he knows what it's like to be challenged, he really really wants to be with his friends again.' and 'now that he's older, he won't act out in class due to bordom.'

We did seriously consider it. Then a few weeks later, DS did well on a few 'multi-month' projects that got handed in, and magically his academic confidence returned, and by the last few weeks of school, he was fine with 'not decelerating' and I was SO glad that I had stuck to my perspective about 'not decelerating.'

Turns out that 8th grade public school doesn't have 'multi-month' projects. Turns out that he got more mature over the summer. Right this minute, he seems to be in a place with smart 'like-minded' friends and stimulating assignments with less of a 'organizational skill building component.' Best news of all is that although next year the 2 middle schools will empty into one highschool, and be in a different building, he will already know half the kids. Further, since there are honors classes in all 5 core subjects at the high school, chances are that he is going to be seeing his lunch table group more and more during the day. ((happy dance))

Do most of the kids from your local public middle school go to one high school - or do they disperse? That might cushion the social changes, yes?

Are there active homeschool organizations near you? What will he do during the day? (You may want to start a need topic about homeschooling 8th grade)

Smiles,
Grinity

Sorry to jump in late here, I am a newbie. Reading this blog felt like I am reading DS4's future. I am horrified. He is 4 already on his way to punishments for not obeying the authority, no hitting, pushing, kicking, screaming, just not following directions and the bossy behavior thats what they say.

Steph,
How did it go?
Smiles,
Grinity

Having taught gifted students for 31 years, I have heard this statement from my students frequently. I have to remember that gifted people only make up 6% of the world population and this 6% has to deal with the other 94% who aren't gifted. Gifted people are 'wired' differently and have a strong desire/urge to learn and be challenged.
Most teachers are not taught about gifted differences. They feel threatened when a mere child knows more than they do about many topics. In many cases, the teacher is not gifted and doesn't understand the way a gifted child acts/reacts to everything.
In my opinion, only master's level teachers who are trained in gifted education should teach gifted students. It would help tremendously if the teacher was gifted, also. Gifted students should have their own schools where their academics and enrichment could be taught by understanding teachers.
That negative attitude towards gifted students would disappear, I think.
Hope this helps.

I've always hated applying the term "behavior" to children. We don't talk about adults in terms of "bad behavior" or "good behavior". I remember snapping at my principal once, saying I'd prefer to discuss my students in "terms we don't normally reserve for slaves and dogs". Got his attention.

Anyway, "behavior" (let's say "attitude" instead) is high up on the list of casualties of ordinary teachers' misunderstanding of giftedness. The idea seems to be that if a kid is that smart, they must have the brains to keep themselves in check. That's like giving a university professor a job on an assembly line and telling him that surely someone with a PhD is intelligent enough not to get bored.