Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Child Upset...Counting Breaths!

My 9 year old gifted son came to us crying tonight...really upset.

Once he calmed down he said that the problem was that when he was trying to going to sleep every time he breathed in and out through his nose he counted: 1 (in), 2 (out), 3 (in), 4 (out), 5 (in), 6 (out), etc and couldn't stop.

He says he counts to 10 and then starts back over at 1.

We finally got him calmed down, walked him back to bed, and then about 3 minutes later he came out, again upset, saying this happens during the day as well.

He has never mentioned this before.

Can anyone please offer an explanation and advice?

Thank you for any help you can provide!!!

TripleB

Funny, I do that, and I think it comes when I'm anxious, but I find it soothing. At night, though, it is bothersome. I corralled it this way: at first, as a kid to go to sleep, I counted backwards from 100. When that got too automatic I did it in French. Then I learned Spanish and did it in Soanish. Then I added German. As each got too automatic, I started alternating as I went backwards. I added Swiss French after a year there. Now I find that breathing in through the nose and "puffing" out through the mouth is helpful, especially when I'm stressed. (I find it helps the tears from overflowing when I watch a play or a movie, I'm hopeless, and it's especially embarassing when I go to my theater-in-the-round and I know the people across the stage can see me lol)

Does your DS count other things, as well? Like steps, or strokes when he's stirring or washing something?

I agree with Portia and NotherBen that it's likely related to anxiety. It may also have something to do with the buzzing mind of a gifted child.

Maybe introducing him to meditation and mindfulness for children would help? If you're interested, look up "Spaghetti Toes" to see if it's age appropriate. We did it last year for a while with DS6, and I forget the age range.

At the very least, if he could stretch out the counting instead of looping (for example, count to 1000 instead of to 10 over and over again), it might help him calm down instead of getting worked up.

I think it is also partly the busy brain (and when you're worried, doesn't your mind jump from one worry to another?) and counting can help focus. So when he counts to ten, it doesn't keep him focused and calm enough. Perhaps he can count by 3s or 7s to 100, or if he can do fractions count by fractions.

My son created math patterns to fall asleep and discovered the Fibonacci sequence by himself. When we read G is for Googol and got to F, he lit up, because he liked putting a name to something he knew.

Interesting to me to hear about counting as a barrier to sleep, as I have used it all my life as a way to *get* to sleep.... If I can't shut my mind down, I can't sleep, so I use counting to try and drown out the chaotic, competing thoughts that keep me awake.

I like previous posters suggestions to see if he can find ways to turn it into something more soothing, instead of repetitive and distressing. I can easily see how such a short loop would quickly have me stressed and hyperventilating...

For what it's worth, to help myself sleep, I start my count at 1000, which creates long and somewhat hypnotic numbers which tend to take a full breath in and out to complete. (Sometimes, I have to resort to mentally shouting them to try and drown out all the other things my brain would rather think.) When I really can't calm down and keep still, I will use tricks like only allowing myself to move after, first, a count of ten (i.e. 1010) then ten more than the first interval (1030), and then ten more than the last interval (1060), making myself wait an additional ten every time. Often, I miss my "allowed" moment to toss and turn, and then have to wait for the next one.

Really helps me. But neither of my kids have ever been even slightly willing or interested in trying counting, despite major sleep difficulties, so YMMV to say the least.

Another approach is to change the way breaths are used to calm himself. Instead of counting the number of breaths, he may benefit from counting in the context oof individual breaths:

1. Inhale slowly through the nose over four counts, either continuously or rhythmically.
2. Hold four counts.
3. Exhale slowly through the mouth over four counts.

Repeat until calm or asleep!