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    #233113 08/23/16 06:08 PM
    Joined: Apr 2012
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    Jai Offline OP
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    I guess I just want to vent. Or hear others' experiences. DS is 7 and in second grade and has no friends in his class. It just seems so hard for him to make friends. He's not interested in sports, and he loves science. That's pretty much all he wants to talk about; on the 10 minute drive school this morning, he wanted to discuss pollination and bees, the number of moons of different planets and how tumors develop. I find this overwhelming. I can only imagine what his classmates think. He says he can't find anyone during recess who wants to do nature walks--most kids want to play basketball or soccer. He also says he is upset by the children who kill bugs.

    It just makes me sad that he doesn't seem to have friends. And this is the first year that it seems to bother him that he doesn't.


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    Thank you, Portia. I contacted the principal last week about the process for starting a science club at the school. I haven't heard back yet. I don't know who would run it.

    Unfortunately, the science museum here has closed. Some branches of the library have science clubs, and I will be taking DS to more of those but I've found they can really be hit or miss.


    Joined: Oct 2013
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    This is very difficult. We have had the most success with outside activities. A club at school would be great to start, but there may be other opportunities in your area that your son would enjoy trying. 4H, scouts, math clubs, others were already mentioned. I have noticed boys who hang out at the library often are very bright and quirky.

    You say your son is not interested in sports, but there are some things out there that he might like that would give him opportunities to invite a classroom kid along and have something in common, like frisbee golf (courses might be set up in local parks), even just mini golf or hitting balls.

    I would suggest also asking the teacher which kids at school seem to get along with your son. At this age it is not too late to set up play dates for him.


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    My DS7 had the same issue when he was in kindergarten. He had no friends and was not interested in talking to anyone. All he was interested was in big English words, word puzzles and geography at the time. I can see why he couldn't find anyone to talk about those topic at school. The social worker at the school got involved and asked him to find a boy from the class that he thought he could hang out with. Then she pulled the two boys out of the regular class and had them play together things like lego, drawing and puzzles. They had fun together. They did not end up as best friends but I think that showed my DS he could find friends with common interests if he wants too. He had a great year in 1st grade in terms of making friends at school. It may take some time but if you can find that "one" like Portia said, that would be great start :-)

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    KJP Offline
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    He and my DS8 sound like they would be great friends!

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    How are his social skills? Is he able to approach other kids with some success? When DS6 started having this same problem, it was suggested to us that we could do role playing with him to practice. He may not realize yet that others aren't interested in science. Maybe he could try to identify if someone is doing something he might be interested in, and ask questions about it or ask if he can join.

    Also, we remind DS6 often that not all kids will share his exact interests but that maybe they can still find stuff in common. For instance, does he enjoy Lego? Or Minecraft? Or if his main interests are science and nature, maybe he could consider presenting it as adventure and exploration to some other kids? They might be more interested in the same things if slightly adjusted? Is he interested in rock-climbing? Canoeing? Karate? Those can seem pretty cool to kids who know nothing about them.

    It would be terrific if he could find another gifted child, whether at school or in your neighborhood. DS6 is becoming friends with another gifted boy in his daycare, and we're really excited about it. They haven't delved into deeper subjects yet, but I can tell that they're both feeling each other out in this respect.

    I've even considered asking the school if they could be placed in the same class so that they could do their differentiated work together. I wonder if that's something schools consider. I guess we'll never know if we don't ask!

    Good luck!

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    Video games, movies and TV shows are often a common interest among gifted and non-gifted kids.

    There are probably very few kids who want to talk about tumors, gifted or not. It just isn't likely. However, there are probably quite a few who would gladly chat about Pokemon or Minecraft.

    I had to explain this to DS a few times. Plus pointing out the difference between talking "with" someone versus turning a verbal firehose on them.

    Last edited by KJP; 08/24/16 09:22 AM.
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    Been there. My son had ZERO friends in junior high. (It doesn't help that he wasn't the most pleasant person to be around then.) I was honestly more of a pain for me than him. I don't have a lot of advice that others haven't already mentioned.

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    Oh yes, I can relate to this. My DS8 has trouble finding friends as he does tend to "turn the verbal firehose" on them as KJP said! He is very sensitive and tends to give everything and will still try to remain "friends" with someone in his class even if they are being mean to him. He has had a couple of boys he was really close to but sadly they were both from military families and moved away. :'( The last time this happened he told me he wasn't going to say goodbye to his friends anymore because when he does he never sees them again....

    Last edited by Jeeves; 08/24/16 10:41 AM.
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    Been there too. Things that have worked for us:

    Minecraft. Seriously a major icebreaker for non-sporty kids. My kid learned the lingo and was able to talk to most kids about Minecraft, whereas most kids were not interested in his unique interests.

    Cub scouts. My DS LOVED being in scouts and while he didn't make a best friend there it gave him a great way to interact with other kids that didn't involve team sports.

    Science Olympiad. He really loved Science Olympiad and he and his team partner really got along well (it helped that his team partner was also HG).

    Solo sports. My DS does not like group sports. So he takes fencing, and the first day he started the other kid in the class and him hit it off and now they wait for each other by the door for the other one to get there. I can also think that karate and archery might be good too.

    I would also suggest you read a book called Eight Keys to Raising the Quirky Child. It was very helpful for me.

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