madeinuk, thank you! Yes, my DD is also a natural leader and is wonderful with other children her age and younger. Unfortunately, the animosity towards her brother has been going on (on and off) for the whole of his 8 years! She does surprise me sometimes and stick up for him though. I think with her there's a lot of pent-up resentment from changes that were forced on her by family members when he was born (I'm pretty resentful about it too) but that's another story.
Your last paragraph really resonated with me. I've been going about this all wrong. It's not about crushing her natural assertiveness, it's about the WAY I tell her that it is wrong to do it - be assertive but don't be mean about it.
I think I answered my own question also because she only seems to be that way with her brother! It just seems worse somehow because he adores her and is highly sensitive and is just destroyed when she's mean to him. I worry that his natural lack of confidence is made worse by this.
