Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion music stagnating with 6 year old

so DD6 has been learning piano for 2 years. She showed great potential early on though we changed schools after a year as she was finding group lessons tedious. She now goes to a wonderful lady who panders to her and spoils her rotten (so she loves to go). Problem is DD refuses point blank to practise. She has gone backwards and now can't play most of the stuff she was very good at a year ago. I don't want to change teacher again as I think this one is keeping her positive about music. When I quiz dd about why she doesn't practise she says its because she finds the easy songs too hard to learn. She then though will sit down and play by ear quite well with no practise songs like doe a deer or pop songs. I don't want her to quit because she has some raw ability. Any suggestions? She isn't in love with piano but her father and I are at an impasse about letting her change instruments when she won't practise!

Have you asked her if she wants to take lessons? She's only 6 and has been taking lessons for 2 years. Maybe she just needs a break?

Does she enjoy the music? At the lessons is she spoiled with praise or spoiled in the vein of bribery -- candy, toys, etc? I ask because I'm trying to discern if her personal reward for the lesson is joy in music or the bribe.

Yes she changed from audio to reading (when we changed teacher we asked her original one if she would consider private lessons but were met with a flat no. She has recently got back in touch saying she is available for private lessons now....)
I hadn't thought about that being a potential problem.

Maybe, it's very hard to tell. I have tried for 2 terms now to force her to have a break but she won't hear of it. We don't really live a spartan life so I'm certain it's not just the bribes (and I'll admit I have tried bribing her to practise with no success).

I think she genuinely loves music and wants to play. It's mostly a case of wanting to run before she can walk. I don't want to be a "tiger mom" and force her to practise, I'm just wondering if anyone has successfully navigated this particular issue. Quitting is definitely an option for her if she wants to.

Perhaps not exactly the same issue, but fwiw, each of my children has been in piano lessons at relatively young ages, and each refused to practice at one time or another (sometimes those "no interest in practice times" lasted... well.. months or longer. This may not be the answer for you, but what we did was simple - I didn't make them practice if they weren't interested in practicing. I wanted them to take the lessons because I believe piano lessons provide a wonderful starting point in music education before branching off into other instruments. OTOH, I didn't want to force my children to play because I felt it would backfire and they would not enjoy piano and not want to continue. This worked a-ok for our kids (and for the teacher they had - it's important that you have a teacher who understands and agrees with your personal philosophy re practice).

The other important thing to keep in mind: your dd may not ultimately want to play the piano. 2 of my 3 children quit piano - one because she found another interest that was consuming and simply didn't have time to take the piano lesson, the other because she honestly didn't enjoy either the teacher or the piano. She didn't give up on music, just piano - she plays another instrument that she finds more fun and interesting than piano, and she also sings. I don't know that it's significant for your dd or not, but this is my dd who's had vision issues. She really struggled with keeping her place while playing because of having to switch from looking at her hands to looking at the music. She's recently been interested in learning piano again and practicing on her own, and even though her vision is now much better than it was when she was younger, she still finds reading music while playing extremely tedious and tiring.

I'll also mention my ds - he never ever practiced when he was young - he simply refused. Over time that evolved into him playing what he wanted to instead of practicing. It was a battle I wasn't ever going to win so I let him do his own thing - which wasn't easy! I began to question whether or not it was worth still sending him to lessons, but he didn't want to quit. By the time he was in middle school he clearly loved loved loved piano but still refused to practice. He's now beyond passionate about music, both playing and composing... and he's very good too! He'll never be one of the kids who sits down and plays an amazing rendition of a classical piece technically perfect... he's just not interested in that. But he's found a passion in a different type of musical genre, and he's really quite good at playing - in spite of all those times he didn't practice what his teacher assigned.

JMO, but I think our role as parents is to help our children find their passions more so than developing talents we (parents) see in them. A child may have a ton of natural ability at something like the piano, but also not interested in it, and that's ok. It sounds like your dd likes piano lessons, and wants to keep them up, but isn't into practicing now. If you want her to practice, one approach you could take is for you to practice with her. That might make it more fun for her, plus you'll be able to see where she's getting hung up (if she is), and see what kind of music/practice/etc she likes. I'd make the amount of time spent practicing very small - maybe only 5 minutes each day, and I'd set up the practice at a regular time so it's not something that interrupts something else or comes out of the blue when she's not expecting it. I also think a small "incentive" to practice such as follow-up the piano session with something she likes to do with you for a few minutes - help cook, play a game, whatever, immediately following a short practice time together.

Hope some of that helps!

polarbear

Sometimes, it seems as if a child is not in love with an instrument, but it could be that it is because of many other reasons - the teaching not inspiring, the pieces too repetitive or boring or not "fun" for the younger audience, pieces not challenging enough, student's technique not strong enough to keep up with the pieces, student not being held to high standards by the teacher (my son used to think that piano was "too easy" when we had one such teacher) etc.
In our case, my son wanted to try another instrument when his abilities had outgrown the teaching ability of his piano teacher. I did not know enough at that time to notice that. He likes to work on challenging pieces and he was given a lot of cutesy pieces and he told himself that piano was too easy for him. I started him on his second instrument as well as found a classical piano teacher (his favorite style) who set very high expectations for him. He loves his second instrument, but seems to have regained his love for piano again because of the structure imposed on him by the new teacher. He also learned theory, sight reading, ear training, composition etc and this helped him read and play music more efficiently. I sit with him to help him practice most of the days so that practice is not lonely and isolating. I periodically take DS to the local music store and let him pick books of his choice and request his piano teacher to incorporate his favorite pieces into her lesson plans. She even lets him play his pieces of choice for his recitals and he loves the ability to choose some of what he plays. Hope this helps.

Many good insights above. Music is a big part of our household. (SO takes the position that everyone will learn the piano in some form--no option!) I would not be surprised if reading is a key portion of the change for your DC.

Our DC do love music, including the piano, but reading music is not a popular activity in our house, and has been a challenge to develop, since it only take a repetition or two for kids to memorize, or they learn pieces by ear. We have one who has progressed to being able to read, more or less (one new piece every day from Bela Bartok's Mikrokosmos, over a period of about a year, in case you're wondering--no repeats (so no memorizing), and not-quite-diatonic music (so less surprisingly-accurate-guessing)), though rather slowly, and another who is essentially illiterate (musically!), but picks songs up very easily by ear. I have had to change the way I teach the respective children, because if I forced the non-reader to learn predominantly according to my classical training, a lot of the joy of piano would be lost. Left to DC's own devices, there was plenty of time on the piano, just not practicing what I'd assigned. At this point, we've switched to learning to play by chords, learning how to learn a keyboard part from a recording, etc. A summer session of lessons from a rock keyboardist was well received.

Oh, and none of our musically-inclined children consented to begin piano lessons from either parent (both experienced pianists) until age six. Though they were always on the piano constantly, experimenting.

Thanks all - It's so reassuring to hear we aren't the only ones. I was starting to feel like a fool (and being told I am one by a few "well meaning" friends) for letting her have lessons but not practise. Polar bear I think we are on exact;y the same page. I want her to keep her love of music so if that means paying for lessons but not making her practise at this time I will.

aeh - we have the same problem of a piece being memorised after 1 hearing so learning to read the music has been very difficult, having said that, slow progress is being made. There is a lot of theory taught at this lesson (10 min play, 10 min theory, 10 min improv for musicality with teacher. She has theory homework that she does every week because it is in an activity book.

I think we'll stick with the status quo for now, thanks for the encouragement!

She might need help learning how to practice. If she is saying it is too hard, it probably is true and she needs help breaking down the tasks. No one wants to feel like they are gettig stuck and that is how I feel when I practice piano because sight reading is not my thing.

It isn't tiger parenting IMHO, to set a firm expectation that piano lesson means daily practice. At the same time, if you, your spouse, and her teacher are okay with her not practicing then your friends should stay out it. There are many children who only touch the piano during their lesson.

Is her practice independent or with a knowledgable parent?

I ask because our five-year-old still needs a lot guidance to practice. Obviously, he's younger, but he would definitely balk at the idea of practicing alone, though he's a very social guy.

What works the best for us is letting him stay up for an extra 15 minutes if he'll spend 5 to 10 minutes practicing. He's happy to go to bed later than his little brother, and it's a time that works for DH, as I'm not in the least musically inclined. We don't do it every day; I don't think that's necessary for his age.