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    #230202 - 05/04/16 12:17 PM Re: Kid flaming out. Anyone been through this? [Re: eco21268]
    bluemagic Offline
    Member

    Registered: 03/29/13
    Posts: 1489
    Originally Posted By: eco21268
    I think any competitive school is unlikely, unless DS suddenly makes a few gigantic developmental leaps. He refuses to participate in any club, extracurricular, or sport and I don't have the energy to force the issue. Between his organizational problems and my own...I can't make the EFfort.<--!
    My son was that way in junior high as well. Well except for band which was a class. I think he always liked band because it was a very well defined group activity where you new your role.

    Band has led him in directions I wouldn't expect and kept him busy and given him a tribe in H.S. I got a lot of grief from junior high counselors because DS wouldn't get involved in any extra-curricular activities. But I refused to push and I think it was the right thing for him at the time. And now that DS is 17 year old junior I am happy with the amount of activities he has. He's only in a few activities but the ones he is in keep him busy & he's been involved for many years. He has enough to have something to put on his college apps. And one of them was something I wouldn't have every expected in junior high, that will give him a story to tell on his college apps.

    Good Luck. When the next few weeks are over you will need to evaluate what is the best place for him next year. Does he go to H.S.?

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    #230203 - 05/04/16 12:30 PM Re: Kid flaming out. Anyone been through this? [Re: eco21268]
    Tigerle Offline
    Member

    Registered: 07/29/14
    Posts: 601
    Loc: Europe
    You know, he sounds like an amazing kid, and you sound about as exhausted as any special needs mom on the planet. Hugs.

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    #230204 - 05/04/16 12:45 PM Re: Kid flaming out. Anyone been through this? [Re: eco21268]
    eco21268 Offline
    Member

    Registered: 04/21/15
    Posts: 647
    bluemagic: he is in a hybrid gifted program and will have five high school credits at the end of this year if he passes everything. Potentially, he'd earn seven more next year, so he'd start ninth grade (in 2017) with twelve. They have to have 24 to graduate but those 24 are strictly categorized.

    This works really well for kids who want to take all the advanced classes and still have time for electives.

    I'm telling him--you have to finish the year because I want you to have options and not regrets. If he decides he doesn't want to go to eighth grade in this program, I am okay with that (I guess!) but I think we'll need to do virtual part-time homeschool, just to keep his math skills fresh and maybe to provide some structure. He will have covered the MS CA and history curriculum by the end of this year--it's compacted and accelerated.

    Oh yeah, he is in Band! I didn't realize that counts. smile

    Tigerle: yup, I'm tired! This board is like a lifeboat. He really is a great kid, just incredibly high-maintenance at certain interludes. The rest of the time he's easy and doesn't require much attention.


    Edited by eco21268 (05/04/16 12:46 PM)

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    #230209 - 05/04/16 02:39 PM Re: Kid flaming out. Anyone been through this? [Re: eco21268]
    AvoCado Offline
    Member

    Registered: 04/11/13
    Posts: 202
    We've been through similar and come out the other end smile DD is very happy at university now - which is much more of a 'follow your passions' and 'find your tribe' situation than at high school. Looking back (20:20 hindsight etc) I wish I'd done more handholding, and fewer lectures about fitting in with the system, fwiw. So hard when they're annoying, sulky, closed off teens though. Trying to fix those mistakes with the next DD (but probably making different ones!)

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    #230212 - 05/04/16 05:04 PM Re: Kid flaming out. Anyone been through this? [Re: eco21268]
    FruityDragons Offline
    Member

    Registered: 10/09/14
    Posts: 105
    Loc: Midwest USA
    I have no idea if this will help or not, but I'll just throw it out there:

    Is it going to school/class itself that's making him anxious and wanting to leave? And if so, could you possibly say (on a limited basis, of course) that, okay, you're just going to take a step back and leave school -- but work on a project for that or another class instead? Maybe that way he'd be able to avoid the extra anxiety over class before it gets to a meltdown, if he can only handle half a day AT school, and at the same time get things done.

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    #230219 - 05/05/16 06:34 AM Re: Kid flaming out. Anyone been through this? [Re: eco21268]
    eco21268 Offline
    Member

    Registered: 04/21/15
    Posts: 647
    FruityDragons: yes, it seems like part of it is the actual "going to school" piece, but not because of social anxiety, per se. He likes the social part of school. What he doesn't seem to be able to handle is spending a whole day at school and then doing work at home. When he's in good shape, he can complete most of his assignments at school. When he isn't, I'm not sure what he does all day except goofing off and spacing out. Then he has more work to do at home...becomes more overwhelmed...not a good system.

    Yesterday, I kept him home for his first class and he finished the work for that class in a very short time. He is pretty fast when he's not exhausted.

    I think school sucks all of his energy and there's nothing left for home. He just wants to be alone. I can relate to this--he and I are both pretty low-energy and I could never go to work all day and then continue to do THAT sort of work at night.

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    #230222 - 05/05/16 08:05 AM Re: Kid flaming out. Anyone been through this? [Re: eco21268]
    ConnectingDots Offline
    Member

    Registered: 09/06/13
    Posts: 848
    Originally Posted By: eco21268


    I think school sucks all of his energy and there's nothing left for home. He just wants to be alone. I can relate to this--he and I are both pretty low-energy and I could never go to work all day and then continue to do THAT sort of work at night.



    First, I think that you are doing a fabulous job of figuring out how to support him and help him through this situation. Even without 2E struggles, I remember very well moments of panic where my mom stepped in and helped me understand how to get through school crunches. Much appreciated in hindsight. smile

    I think you have stumbled upon a big problem with homework/projects for some students. The energy and learning required during the day leaves so little for the large workloads now expected at night (which seem so much larger than anything I remember as a student). By contrast, in college, the actual class hours are far fewer (given a reasonable course load) and leave time for studying and projects. That may be a vision that gives him hope!

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    #230225 - 05/05/16 08:18 AM Re: Kid flaming out. Anyone been through this? [Re: eco21268]
    eco21268 Offline
    Member

    Registered: 04/21/15
    Posts: 647
    ConnectingDots: we discussed that yesterday, in fact...the part about college being a different environment altogether.

    I don't think looking down the road five years was very persuasive for DS, though, since he isn't sure he can make it through another week.

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