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    Joined: Feb 2014
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    DD took her first steps at 26 weeks old and by 10 months was climbing over baby gates and running up and down stairs. She has several scars to prove it and for months we had no hard furniture in the living room (forget about baby proofing, we just stripped the room). She rarely wanted to ride anywhere in a stroller or pack... she wanted to walk/run/gambol/bolt/scamper/climb. So we found her sturdy boots (thank goodness her feet were huge because most shoes for that age were not meant to actually hike in) and a baby leash. This was an absolute requirement just to keep her from getting killed.

    There were many long hikes, playing in gyms and bouncy house places, etc. As she got older, we got better at judging what she could do safely that other kids couldn't (like climbing to the top of the play structure and balancing on one leg*) and places we really had to watch her.

    * We have a great photo of her at just around nine months old, standing on one foot in my husband cupped hand, arm outstretched. It was adorable, but freakish.

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    Originally Posted by spaghetti
    The world isn't a public playground. Lots of stuff is fun to explore, but one thing to start is "not for you" or "that's not yours" and then take your child away from it, even if he is unhappy with you.
    Agreed. It is important for children to learn:
    - that there are boundaries,
    - that the boundaries do apply to them (they are not an exception),
    - that boundaries exist to help ensure safety,
    - to respect boundaries,
    - to respect those who enforce boundaries. smile

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    We had a cliff incident too (toddler scaled a crumbling seaside cliff and parent had to retrieve). Every time I recall it, a few more of my hairs turn gray. She was fine, of course, but it could have been actual death. She actually remembers this, perhaps because of the complete freak-out by us afterwards (she was told in no uncertain terms to stop and come down, but kept going, so we had no choice but to follow).

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    Originally Posted by Maladroit
    He's only 22 months... making me coffee. He had managed to get his step stool, grab a coffee mug, fill it with water, plug in the Keurig, fill the water compartment, turn the machine on, put in the K-up and was closing the lid and pushing the brew button. There isn't a strong enough coffee to keep up with this kid, but boy was he proud when he saw me coming! I was super grateful as he beat me to it! Such a little man and yet so considerate.
    This has haunted me every day. I'd possibly consider pleasantly teaching him that while making coffee may have seemed like a good way to help, the best way to help is to ask the parent to "wake up and watch over me."

    Some may say the combination of:
    - heights (step stool)
    - breakables (coffee mug)
    - water (fill the water compartment)
    - electricity (plug in the Keurig)
    are not safe for an unsupervised 2-year-old. Even though he managed successfully on his own, if his coffee-making is repeated situations may arise which he may be unprepared to deal with. These might be as simple as distraction by a bug, a sound, or a thought... or having a wet hand when plugging in the coffee maker... or having the plug inserted into the outlet only partially.

    I'm not sure what age others might consider OK for a child to make coffee unsupervised... possibly an age at which the child can understand the negative consequences which might occur with breakables, heat, electricity, water... maybe 8 years old??

    You've obviously got your hands full with a very active, bright, and energetic child. And you obviously need your sleep. I would not want to suggest anything which may make your life seem more difficult. That having been said, the child needs constant supervision... the greatest difficulties may occur if the child is ever injured, and/or reported to authorities when wandering unsupervised outside of the home.

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    I agree with the other posters... although our 3.5 year old is not quite to the level that OP's DS is, she is enough of an independent person that we do watch her more closely, especially around water and on her bike. At this age, she just does not have the life experience to understand for instance why biking into the road is dangerous. For instance, she has no fear of throwing herself into the deep end even when she had struggled to get to DH or the wall - she went down a huge slide (around 2 stories high), got disoriented and could not figure out what to do so DH grabbed her as she flailed and bawled, and yet she climbed back up to go down again, undaunted by the fact that she had flailed just a minute ago (9 times out of 10, she is able to get to the wall - but she is still prone to occasion periods where she gets disoriented and gets into real trouble if DH was not there to fish her out). It is this reason that we watch her like a hawk when she is swimming and do swimming lessons where safety is reinforced every week. We have similar issues around her on a pedal bike (no training wheels).

    I have no answers for sleep (our kids like to snuggle up rather than wander, and we still have the gate with the alarm on the top of the stairs even though they know how to use it - it does alert us that someone is going up or down) but while awake, you will need to really try to drill basic safety routines.


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    A lot of you are really concerned about several aspects of my post. My main question wasn't really addressed. Believe it or not, my son is almost never unsupervised...because of how he is and because he's two. He has a nanny, both of his parents are very involved, and his grandparents. All of us work as a team to keep him supervised, engaged, and safe. We can't keep our eyes on him at absolutely all times, but he is always very nearby - never alone. I can't wrap him in a bubble. I can put an alarm on some doors, so I am up when he is. I can make his room as safe as possible, I can (and do) watch over him when he's using the higher-risk things.

    He likes to wake us up 4 out of 5 days, but sometimes he just has an agenda. We've got a bell on his door and alarms on the doors to the outside now. We put magnet locks on the cabinets where the step stools are, we've locked the fridge, we've done what we can.

    My husband, admittedly, is still adjusting to the constant supervision needs and our kiddo's other quirks. We are not perfect, but we're working with a specialist, he has lots of fantastic adults around him at all times that love him, and he's avoided injury and death thus far - so must be doing a decent job.

    I was more hoping for support or advice when out in public or with other parents/kids because we are watching him like a hawk and DON'T let him do things that other kids his age do (like play in a nearby but out-of-sight room alone). I have parent friends tell me I'm not giving him enough space to be a kid. I'm hovering. I'm over-involved. Yet, despite these labels I feel like I'm still not doing what I need to to keep him safe (eg. the coffee incident) until he understands basic safety. That was more where I was going with my OP.


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    You need to allow yourself to hover. It is not a matter of trust etc just that some kids require more active supervision tban others. Those that have more passive children won't get that. I think what caused the concern was that you may be forgetting (like most of us do at times) that advanced intellect does not equate to advanced judgement due to lack of life exoerience. Really you can only keep him safe and yourself sane until he gets a bit older. Then you can deal with the next problem.

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    Well that...my parents used to get similar criticism for putting their baby on a leash. I wasn't a dog, you know!

    I'll say the same advice I always give: you know your child best. Don't worry about what other people say or think. Just keep parenting your child according to what he needs. If you need a comment to deflect criticism, you can always smile ruefully and say, "We've learned by experience that he does best with a LOT of supervision." And leave them with a wry look and implied horrors.

    As to keeping him safer: beyond close supervision and possible use of a harness in certain settings, it may be helpful to start having regular conversations with him, before, during, and after risky behavior, about the potential bad outcomes, not only to his body, but also to other people's bodies, property, and feelings. Though not a sensation-seeker, one of our children is impulsive and low anxiety (NB, this is not a good combination for keeping parental anxiety low!). We've had ongoing conversations regarding not only how an action could affect you, but that a reasonable person who cares about you might be hurt or worried by your actions.

    As HK noted, some children instinctively see these chains of consequence, but most need to be taught. The plus of a high cognitive toddler is that you can teach some of these skills and concepts (though the application of them will still require heavy supervision).

    Last edited by aeh; 05/03/16 06:22 PM. Reason: typos

    ...pronounced like the long vowel and first letter of the alphabet...
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    Is this your first child?

    If I could have a do-over, after parenting for 25 years, I'd work relentlessly on my own anxious thoughts about how other parents perceive me and let that stuff go. With a therapist, if necessary.

    You and your DH are the experts on your child. It's hard not to internalize all the negative, confusing messages parents receive. You, of course, want to be the perfect parent for your child but you will be happier if you strive toward "good enough."

    You're pretty much damned if you do ("hover") and damned if you don't. Somebody will always think you are doing too much or doing too little. Trust yourselves and keep your child safe.

    And hang in there. smile

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    Originally Posted by Maladroit
    I was more hoping for support

    I can't offer any advice on accident prevention because our DS6 and DS4 are both extremely cautious (too much so), so I have no tips or tricks for you.

    But I can offer sympathy, because I often get looks or comments from strangers because of DS6's emotional intensity. Much like your DS, conventional parenting doesn't work terribly well with him. We've worked with a parenting coach and have read up and sought help in various other ways. And we've learned to accept that we're going to get looks and comments, and people will think he's an ill-behaved child. But ultimately, we need to do what's best for him (and for us) and not worry what other people think. If they comment when he's not around, I usually just say that "regular parenting" doesn't work with him, but that he's making progress and we're proud of him. Actually, you may want to throw out something like "Don't worry, he gets more fun out of an afternoon than some kids get in a month!". You should make it clear that you have no reason to have to be on the defensive - these kids get PLENTY out of life!

    And you know, we do sometimes lose perspective when we're faced with unusual children. So if anyone on this board is offering advice, it might be useful to pay attention to it even if it's hard to swallow. I'm guessing that they are responding because they want to help, not criticize.

    I know it can be mentally exhausting. Good luck! smile

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