Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy need advice asap: dealing with tchr bullying child

need advice: if a teacher had said something really intimidating to your child, unwarranted (if it ever could be), to the point that child was stressing about going to school -- what would you do? I mean talking the teacher probably wouldn't do any good in the kid's head. Thinking about asking the teacher to apologize to the child, however I think she will consider it demeaning. suggestions? thanks

Go to the Principal/Administrator and complain about the teacher intimidating the child. Relay this incident and any previous incidents in as much detail as possible. This is unacceptable and they have to do what it takes to fix the problem - it could be teacher re-training, moving teacher to a different class or whatever else the school policy recommends. It is not OK for a child to be intimidated and be stressed in a safe environment which is what a school should be.

My son was being bullied and punished by a vindictive teacher because he pointed out how she was teaching a wrong math concept to the whole class and set out to disprove her (the whole class laughed, he was given a timeout, asked to write an apology letter for being "disruptive" though he was polite and put up his hand to take permission before talking. this teacher used to punish him frequently for no wrong doing according to my son, dock points because his writing assignments were not "meeting her expectations", not allow him to go to the bathroom except during recess time etc etc - he was 6, had nightmares as a result and was anxious about school). I set up an appointment with the Principal and told him to handle the problem and to ensure that my child was not being bullied by the teacher who should have been a trusted adult. I also told him how my DS who is an exceptional rule follower and a people pleaser is being accused of wrong doings and punished even when he says he did nothing wrong. The Principal had been told by the teacher that my son was a trouble maker. I explained the whole sequence of events to him and the vindictiveness that followed for weeks and asked the Principal to check with other teachers interacting with my DS if he was a trouble maker or not. It turned out that his other teachers backed me up. I heard nothing back for a while, the teacher did not bother my son after that, the teacher announced that she was leaving her job soon after, we quit that school a short while after that.

I don't have experience with my own child yet, but this happened a lot to me as a kid. My teacher once told me I was stupid (yes, that word) for pointing a mistake in her assignment out, privately.

My mother went to the principal of the school. no teacher should EVER EVER bully a student.

This is going to be really really tricky, because the chain of command that is set up is that the parent should go to the teacher first and ask what their side of this story is. That is great if you can do it, but when you are considering if the teacher possibly is a bully, you may not stay calm enough to have a good meeting.

So I would probably suggest going to the principal and explain that your child is considering refusing going to school, explain his side of the story and how it made him feel, and you are not sure how to approach the teacher and you need his or her help with this situation.

After you get more information about it, you can then decide what else to pursue.

I really hope it goes well!

You've received great replies already. I'll just add that you may wish to begin filling a notebook with dated documentation of each incident.

Work with your child to get a clear idea of background setting or circumstances, and also who said (or did) what.

Document in brief numbered bullet points, keeping each action in chronological order.

At some point, you may wish to provide a photocopy of any pertinent documentation to the principal, etc. But keep the original documentation of any incident(s) always in your possession - do not give or lend that, do not even lend that for school personnel to make a copy. Make copies yourself when you deem it appropriate.

thank you, I have documented the issue, so far. I had a discussion with the person on staff doing this, actually not a teacher (I was in a hurry when I wrote it and didn't think the distinction mattered - but everyone here has made it clear it matters! ps thanks for all the responses).
it is in fact a person in the administration so that makes it a bit tougher.
I am in contact with that person and working on explaining that what occurred a couple times between her and my dd has been enough to make dd anxious about going to school.

it does sound like some of it was the administrator using certain language which has implications which dd was fully picking up, and the admin maybe was not..?
ex: I need the truth/fill out this form, meant to dd that everything you've said up until now has been a lie, and now we will even DOCUMENT it because this just got serious.

the admin person wants to chat with her, which I thought might be helpful, however dd is unwilling to do so, so far anyway.

I don't think the admin is evil, just a bit misguided and fuzzy -- she did not really catch on when I said the flow of your interrogation does not work very well: if you want the truth, maybe you have to say you believe what someone said already and you just need them to right it down, if they have more to say that is ok, too.

ps, this really goes back to this thread, which I should have noted.
http://giftedissues.davidsongifted....gled_out_as_bad_kid_long.html#Post229834

this meeting got set kind of last minute and then late in the game I remembered you guys probably know all about how to handle this...so I posted here with my question. thanks.

one ok thing I did, instead of request 'an apology', I requested they write her a note saying:
"when you said ....such and such...the first time, we should have believed you" and
"we don't dislike you or mistrust you".

she is not going to do exactly that, but maybe something similar.
one reason I said it should be a note is, she really is afraid of both the admin and the counselor who was also in the office at the point some of this occurred.
they really did freak her out. Sheesh.

The interrogation tactic sounds so very "guilty until proven innocent" accusatory, and I imagine that would certainly hurt and intimidate a kid. I hope they see value in admitting their mistakes to her.

From memory that was normal practice when I was at school. I suspect you would find the majority of parents would not have a problem with it. Make sure you have any memories of your own under control when you deal with them or they will turn it round to be about you.