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    #228688 - 03/16/16 09:32 AM A Modest Proposal
    thx1138 Offline
    Member

    Registered: 01/30/12
    Posts: 93
    PG DYS DD got rejected by some prominent Bay Area independent middle schools last week. (see http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/acronyms.htm). Okay, call 'em prep schools. I thought we could be among the 30% acceptance rate, based on her 99th percentile ISEE score, and the great essays from the $4000 private school consultant. Its possible by incompetence or malice her current school screwed up her recommendation letters. The schools say they had unprecedented applicants this year (maybe, though they say that every year). But I think the best theory is that many schools simply want extroverts rather than brains.

    So if I'm ready for further punishment for 9th grade, I have 3 years to put my modest proposal into effect. DD will be fed a steady diet of lead paint chips to dumb her down. Ritalin (essentially an amphetamine) to calm her down. And Prozac to make her into the extrovert the schools all want.

    Just joking, venting here folks. What will really happen is, a dose of the real world at the local public school. And a therapist, for me as much as for DD.

    It does get me thinking about how this gifted road never ends, the transition from 'native ability' to actual accomplishment, and how to fit in to polite society (or not) (being outnumbered).


    Edited by thx1138 (03/16/16 11:07 AM)

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    #228693 - 03/16/16 11:05 AM Re: A Modest Proposal [Re: thx1138]
    SFParent2015 Offline
    Junior Member

    Registered: 11/06/15
    Posts: 29
    +1 to Portia's comment. Not all independent schools are able or willing to differentiate in a way that is meaningful to G or MG kids, let alone PG.


    Edited by SFParent2015 (03/16/16 11:10 AM)

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    #228694 - 03/16/16 11:17 AM Re: A Modest Proposal [Re: SFParent2015]
    thx1138 Offline
    Member

    Registered: 01/30/12
    Posts: 93
    I had the gifted school reject my DS. Now the prep school rejected my DD. Its hard not to take it personal. Its kind of like getting rejected by a basketball team for being too tall.

    I think your explanations are helpful. Though I did talk to a DYS parent at each school. Maybe I should have not mentioned DYS, that the school might think I feel entitled. Though at a school that offers financial aid example of cutting the tuition in half for parents with $400K income... I'm not the one who's a big risk for acting entitled.

    But yes, at one school the kids all get AoPS pre-algebra in 7th grade, while DD has it currently in 5th grade, and math isn't her strong suit.

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    #228696 - 03/16/16 11:46 AM Re: A Modest Proposal [Re: thx1138]
    puffin Offline
    Member

    Registered: 12/11/12
    Posts: 2031
    Unfortunately prozac won't turn her into an extravert. The rest might work though. Can you get more info about how the decision was made? It probably won't help now but it might be useful later.

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    #228697 - 03/16/16 11:57 AM Re: A Modest Proposal [Re: thx1138]
    MomC Offline
    Junior Member

    Registered: 11/19/13
    Posts: 47
    One of your comments really struck a chord with me. " And Prozac to make her into the extrovert the schools all want." I understand the need to vent, but I really do wonder about this. Having a dd12 who is very introverted, I'm wondering how high school interviews will go in another year. Does anyone have any suggestions for helping an introverted kid shine a little more in an interview? Or, otoh, feel that the introversion/extroversion issue is not really an issue for high school admissions? It does feel like dd has been overlooked on several occasions because she is not the kid who is waving her hand high in the air.

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    #228698 - 03/16/16 01:15 PM Re: A Modest Proposal [Re: thx1138]
    ashley Offline
    Member

    Registered: 03/26/12
    Posts: 639
    Originally Posted By: thx1138
    PG DYS DD got rejected by some prominent Bay Area independent middle schools last week. (see http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/acronyms.htm). Okay, call 'em prep schools. I thought we could be among the 30% acceptance rate, based on her 99th percentile ISEE score, and the great essays from the $4000 private school consultant.


    You are talking about the bay area which is probably the most competitive place on earth with middle school kids already selling their second startup for multi millions while working on finding a cure for cancer and heading up a philanthropic organization to end world poverty - I am only somewhat kidding. The elite "prep" schools here have parents lobbying for their overachieving kids months in advance. They have referral letters and recommendation letters from college professors, VC's who have looked at their kids projects etc. So, a good way to deal with the rejection is to not take it personally and call the admissions director to ask if there was a way for your DD to get off the waitlist and into the second round of admissions - there are many kids who apply to many schools and will turn down some of the seats in favor of their first choice schools. Talk to the admissions officer about your DD's DYS status, her strengths and how you feel that their school might be the best fit for your DD in the bay area. That definitely helps.

    Good luck, I feel for you.

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    #228699 - 03/16/16 01:30 PM Re: A Modest Proposal [Re: thx1138]
    polarbear Offline
    Member

    Registered: 09/29/11
    Posts: 3363
    Originally Posted By: thx1138
    PG DYS DD got rejected by some prominent Bay Area independent middle schools last week.


    Was she rejected or was she wait-listed? I'm not from the Bay Area, but I'm also not surprised that there are more applicants than available slots in schools in the Bay Area. In the schools we've dealt with, there is always a wait-list which students are either automatically put on or parents are given the option to put their student on. As ashley mentioned, there are likely students with acceptance to multiple schools, and once their parents have sorted that out and made their turn-down calls, space will open up. When you call and ask about wait lists, ask what # your child is on the wait list, but don't necessarily be intimidated if it's a large # - wait lists can go down quickly when it's the time of year that parents have to make final school decisions.

    I wouldn't assume that her current school "screwed up" her recommendation letters - what would be the reason to do that? Remember that school faculty and staff are professionals - how they represent a student in a letter reflects back upon their school.

    Did your dd have a shadow day at any of the schools, and did you have interviews? Honestly, if it's a situation where there are multiple applicants with equally impressive test scores and recommendations, I'd guess that there would be weight put on the in-person contacts - which isn't a bad thing at all. The private schools I've been associated with used those interviews and visits not to make judgements about students and parents but to try their best to determine if the particular school environment was the right place for the particular child. It's not a negative thing at all to have a school be honest in thinking that they aren't the right fit for your child - chances are if they think that, they aren't.

    And I'm also really curious about the private school consultant - what is the consultant's take on this? And did the consultant really help with essays? Is it possible that was detectable on the application?

    I hope you're able to find a good school fit for your dd - good luck looking forward -

    polarbear

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    #228702 - 03/16/16 02:26 PM Re: A Modest Proposal [Re: thx1138]
    Lepa Offline
    Member

    Registered: 10/24/14
    Posts: 103
    I'm not sure I have anything helpful to say except that we were in a similar position last spring (for k admissions in San Francisco) and that I understand how you feel. I wrote a long, angry post last year, when my introverted son was rejected from most of the kindergartens we applied to. He did end up getting into one school, which has ended up being a good fit for him, but seeing people go through the same thing this year has brought up all of those hard feelings again.

    Would you be willing to PM me and let me know what schools you applied to? I'm not sure that I will be able to offer any help or offer any leads but it is worth a shot and it is good to share information so I know what schools we might want to avoid in the future!

    I hope that you have some options. If not, I will tell you that I had several friends whose kids didn't get into a single kindergarten last spring and within a couple of months, they all had spots at schools that ended up working for their kids. I am happy to share what I know- or to just commiserate- if you want to PM me.

    Fingers crossed that the coming weeks bring better news.

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    #228706 - 03/16/16 05:28 PM Re: A Modest Proposal [Re: thx1138]
    thx1138 Offline
    Member

    Registered: 01/30/12
    Posts: 93
    Not waitlisted, just straight rejected, at both schools. Current school is fairly new, has been adding grades and hasnít really graduated a full class yet. DD's teacher is new (first year teaching) and may not be versed in the nuances of recommendation letters.

    My hypothesis is its unlikely they filled a class with kids who scored 99th percentile across the 4 sections of the ISEE test.

    Regarding essays, consultant just helps with the parent essay. The student essay was entirely the work of DD with no help. Interestingly, the final section of the ISEE is an essay that is not graded but simply forwarded directly to the schools. They use it to compare with the application essay, to confirm the kid really wrote it.

    Thanks Lepa and all for the outpouring of sympathy. Do you have a link to your post? Wondering if I was as long or as angry.

    There was actually a third school where the admissions director said in as many words that they wanted DD. But it was just too far a drive and too small a school (we wanted something somewhat larger for middle school socialization) and we had abandoned our application.

    I donít know how to develop self-esteem, bravery, extroversion in a child. For me it took an extended battery of psychedelic drugs over the course of a decade. I am reluctant to expose DDís developing brain to this. Though I more or less came through better and somewhat unscathed.

    I suppose it sounds like sour grapes or venting, but one persistent theory is that schools want extraverts and not too high an IQ.

    If I run into the one admissions director at some event in town I will ask her what happened.



    Edited by thx1138 (03/16/16 05:29 PM)

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    #228708 - 03/16/16 07:49 PM Re: A Modest Proposal [Re: thx1138]
    DianaG Offline
    Member

    Registered: 08/15/15
    Posts: 82
    So sorry about the schools. Rejection is hard, for whatever the reason.

    Don't get too hung up on extraversion, though. That's a personality trait that's hard to change. Focus if you'd like on behaviors, which you can change. You can't make an introvert want to party, but an introvert can learn to be assertive, respectful of social norms, and confident.

    Also, I'm not entirely convinced that you can't move along the extravert-introvert spectrum in life. Without psychotropic drugs, that is!

    I hope you do find a good place for your daughter, where she can develop confidence even as an introvert.

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