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    #228114 - 02/26/16 06:29 AM General support thread
    ultramarina Offline

    Registered: 08/24/10
    Posts: 3423
    We're going through a tough period with DD due to this and that and...middle school and intensity and gifted girl and boys and her quirky brain and....ergh. I don't really need to post about it specifically because it's not something I need to problem-solve as much as just get through, but it's hard, and I'm exhausted. One reason I come here is because I know that many of you know how it is to live with the intensity of these kids. I thought maybe it could be helpful to have a general support/vent/"me too"/"I feel you"/this too shall pass thread for everyone. One could simply come here and bash one's virtual head on the keyboard if need be. Like so.


    Just an idea. Post if inspired.

    #228115 - 02/26/16 06:37 AM Re: General support thread [Re: ultramarina]
    ConnectingDots Offline

    Registered: 09/06/13
    Posts: 848
    Good idea!

    Bedtime struggles. Almost every night for the last four or five years. That is all.

    #228116 - 02/26/16 06:49 AM Re: General support thread [Re: ultramarina]
    playandlearn Offline

    Registered: 11/14/08
    Posts: 309
    My DS had a horrible time in middle school. The local public school wasn't working out because of the rigid curriculum, some bad teachers, being rigorous for the wrong reason, social cliques, etc. It was a very hard time for him. I never saw him so discouraged about school and about losing himself. Then we decided to transfer him to another school. After visiting a whole bunch of schools, each having its own issues, he picked a private GT school. This place was a feel-good place where there was social harmony at least on the surface, but the level of academics was so incredibly low that it was depressing for DS because he knew that the school was not preparing the kids for academic success. (Eventually he took matters in his own hand and did a lot of self study, and came to high school in very good shape academically.)

    It was a few years of frustration, despair and sadness watching a wonderful kid going through a dark time. In hindsight, I would probably not move him to the private school. I would instead use that money to hire college students as tutors and mentors so that DS could interact daily with people who were more mature both socially and intellectually, and who have gone through middle school and have become wise about this trying time,

    #228117 - 02/26/16 07:13 AM Re: General support thread [Re: ultramarina]
    cricket3 Offline

    Registered: 11/02/09
    Posts: 665
    Love this, UM, and need it today!

    I do feel for you- and yep, that intensity! Ugh. I recognize my DD in so many of your posts, and do relate. Middle school was definitely tough, though I will say I love and am very proud of the girl that emerged at the end.

    We are currently in a rough spot in a few classes- the worst, at least for me to deal with, is AP world history. In our school, there really isn't much of a choice in history classes, the honors section is frankly low-level. Most of the kids DD considers peers take AP, so that's were she ended up, fully knowing the course is a test-prep fest.

    She is having a hard time hiding her frustration with the required busy work and lack of real critical thinking. The other day, after a class in which kids were required to write an essay in 45 minutes citing and discussing 13 primary source documents, she became irate and walked out when the teacher tried to talk to her. She was later publicly chastised for "not wanting to challenge herself"- which is a real laugh if you actually know DD. Despite this, she has a 100 average in the class, because she has nailed the formulaic expectations and knows exactly what the teacher looks for when grading- it is a farce, she knows it, and now the teacher is defensive and angry with her. I'm not sure she can hold it in until June. The alternative is dropping down to honors level, and listening to her rants about the low level of teaching and class discussion (though I guess I am hearing those anyway, so maybe we should consider it...)

    Thanks for listening, and hang in there!

    #228122 - 02/26/16 08:08 AM Re: General support thread [Re: ultramarina]
    ultramarina Offline

    Registered: 08/24/10
    Posts: 3423
    "it is a farce, she knows it"--Yes, we have this happening in one class right now, and the anger is real.

    #228127 - 02/26/16 09:35 AM Re: General support thread [Re: ultramarina]
    ashley Offline

    Registered: 03/26/12
    Posts: 639
    DS8 is so intense that he does every single activity that he wants to do to a very high level. He has been into certain sports, music and chess since he was 4 and he is now at a really high level for his chronological age in all of them. We have a lot of asynchronous development going on as well. Add that to a double grade skip, other activities like after school clubs, orchestras, competitions etc., he is beginning to feel pressure for the first time in his life. And he is unable to keep juggling and looking like he is under control of everything. He is the kid to whom everything came easily - he used to have meltdowns if we asked him to slow down or drop something from his schedule and declare that he knows that he could handle it and be awesome at it. We let him continue if he wanted to. He has come to a standstill in most of what he does - including academic progress because the complexity of everything has jumped up and he is unable to handle it all. He is slowly learning that he is not Superman and has human limitations and this week dropped a sport in which he was advanced and had played for 4 evenings a week for more than 4 years. He is thinking of dropping one of his after school clubs as well. In a way, it is good that he is learning the lesson that overextending oneself will lead to burn outs. I am also secretly glad that I am not the bad guy who made him stop activities that he was good at.
    But, it is sad to watch a kid good at something drop it after years of hard work because he has no time to devote to it any more. I am going to take him to a local lego event that he will enjoy to make up for his disappointment at himself. Don't know how to deal with an intense child even after all these years.

    #228129 - 02/26/16 10:03 AM Re: General support thread [Re: ultramarina]
    purpleviolin Offline

    Registered: 05/27/11
    Posts: 81
    DYS 11 is going through a very rough period of time. There has not been a relaxed weekend for a couple of months due to little things escalating into a meltdown situation. We are adjusting our way of communication so we have mutual respect but it is so hard to do when you are disappointed, stressed and sometime angry. I am sure for him, as well.

    Hanging in there, hopefully it will get better.

    #228133 - 02/26/16 11:53 AM Re: General support thread [Re: ConnectingDots]
    chris1234 Offline

    Registered: 06/27/08
    Posts: 1897
    Originally Posted By: ConnectingDots

    Bedtime struggles. Almost every night for the last four or five years. That is all.

    sorry to hear, we did also have this, more my husband butting heads with my dd. Turns out in our case she has adhd making the bedtime ritual that should be independent by now a real time-suck if we don't hound her (2 hour to get to bed!). We are all working on it and have seen some improvement (down to about 45 mins, lol). When I go to bed: 7 minutes and I'm under the covers.

    #228134 - 02/26/16 12:05 PM Re: General support thread [Re: ultramarina]
    NotherBen Offline

    Registered: 03/24/14
    Posts: 313
    34 on the ACT (for the 3rd time since age 12) Fs and Ds academically. Banging virtual head on the virtual keyboard. {_|_{}+*_{^}><_{},^£ I like that as a concept to put in to practice.

    #228136 - 02/26/16 01:49 PM Re: General support thread [Re: ultramarina]
    purpleviolin Offline

    Registered: 05/27/11
    Posts: 81
    Also adding to the list: Getting home work assignments done days ahead but forget to turn in frequently. It's hard to him to get good grades due to missing and late homework and more importantly, he is just not motivated by grades at all.
    Trying to set up a system to help him but DS responds negatively to any form of help!

    The positive side is the quality of his work has improved tremendously partly due to more challenging materials and great teachers. He is in the same class with average 14 year olds.

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