Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Having second thoughts on grade placement

So last year I was on here discussing what we were going to do with DD5. While she has not not technically been grade skipped, she effectively has. We originally planned to send her to a public school with a later birthday cutoff for K, and then decided to send her to a private school where she was technically too young to start K, but we decided to send her that year anyway. She struggled with reading and writing all last year, we talked about repeating K, but she has tested into the gifted range, and I thought that she probably just needs a bit of time to catch up, and then she will be in a good place. But the school is quite an academically challenging school, and now she has started year 1, granted it is only early days of year 1, but she is in the remedial reading class, and the lowest math class, and she is also struggling with the organisational skills she needs to succeed in the classroom.

I spoke to another mother who had her for reading groups this week, and she commented how lovely DD is and how hard she was trying. And it was a nice comment, but made me sad because she is trying hard, she is bright, and she is still at the bottom of the class for everything. I guess I was just picturing she was a bit behind in reading and writing, and she would catch up. But if she is behind across the board, then why I am pushing her on? What is she really getting out of it? Holding on to a grade acceleration that may or may not ever actually benefit her. She said at the dinner table last night, 'I am in the red group again'. If she is struggling to keep up, she won't get the opportunity to engage in deeper learning.

I am in the process of setting up a meeting with the school to speak with her teacher and some other staff about how she is going. But I think my gut at this stage is saying, put her back to age level, let her be at the top end of the class and build up her confidence, and really explore the topics. The school is good at catering for students varying needs and academic levels, and I think she would be challenged through the years even if she does drop down a grade.

The best option may be to finish year 1 and then do it again if it looks like she is still struggling, and maybe that is what we should do, but part of me feels like, we are only 5 weeks into the year, maybe it's best just to make the change now.

I would seriously consider holding her back a year too. You can always skip her late when she get ahead. It is not worth to be always behind and trying to catch up at this age

Could she be twice exceptional?

I suspect she might be KJP. She is a bit young to look at dyslexia yet as early reading and symptoms of dyslexia can overlap quite a bit as far as I understand, but I am definitely keeping that on the radar as she gets a bit older.

We visited a behavioural optometrist last year as well who said she has some vision issues, but we did not pursue last year as I am not sure about behavioural optometry . . . and we saw two different optometrists with two different opinions. I am taking her to another optometrist tomorrow actually as she has been talking about having a white spot in her vision, so we will definitely have to look further into visual processing.

We are currently going through an assessment for ADHD with DS7, and I am also keeping my mind open to that possibility for DD as she shows some symptoms, albeit milder than her brother, but again she is a bit young, and what I see in her could still be age related.

She is going to OT for her handwriting, which is getting much better.

She did speech last year because she was not producing the 'sh' sound. That has been remedied, but I do find she mishears things sometimes, we had her hearing tested, and that was fine, but maybe some sort of auditory processing is going on.

The educational psychologist we saw last year did say her scores on the WJ-iii cog did not really have evidence of major visual processing problems though . . .

So yes 2e is definitely a possibility, but not sure at this stage.

Ahhh parenting, so complex!

If I remember correctly, this is not second thoughts but third or fourth thoughts 😉I'd put her back to Prep provided that would not devastate her. Have you had any discussion with her about it?

Also agree, you could also skip later as needed.

What did the school recommend at the end of last year? Hopefully, they are open to retaining students who would benefit from it.

Don't torture yourself! She doesn't need to be in year 1.

Best of luck...

I am not generally in favour of holding kids back. But is it fair to place the child according to where you believe she should be performing rather than where she is currently able to perform?

eta. If you are going to change do it now. I have just changed my younger kids school and it wouldn't have helped to wait and see.

Thanks for your responses. I have a meeting with the school next week, so I will get a chance to hear their opinions. If it sounds like they think she would benefit from moving back down, I think I will support that. I think I had the idea she would make a bit more progress over the summer than she did, and she seems further behind rather than closing the gap. And no, I don't think it's fair for her to be struggling without any real reason.

I was more concerned about the emotional impact of a repeat last year, but I think if she really is struggling, she will be relieved to move down and not be the youngest and at the bottom of the class.

Oh and expat mama, the school was happy to let us decide, but her teacher did recommend she repeat.

Were I in your shoes I would undo the skip/repeat. I would also continue to research the vision stuff and the potential for a 2nd e.

I would repeat, if needed, in the early grades. It is common for kids to do so, often for maturity reasons, so other kids won't give it a second thought.

Our middle kid repeated 2nd grade. She moved from a private school with an end of calendar year birthday cutoff to a public school with a September 30th cutoff. With an early October birthday, a repeat of 2nd grade placed her in the "correct" grade for her birthday. Plus it was a different school, so no one knew she was repeating a grade (including the teacher, whom the school admin failed to tell - she wondered why she "knew everything").

While we didn't think of middle kid as gifted at this point, we also knew that she could have entered 3rd grade at the public school and handled the academics. Our decision was due to her immaturity.

Is her current school a good fit? Or would it be better to change schools and repeat?

For middle kid, she was bored with the academics for a number of years, but the repeat allowed her to be in with kids more at her maturity level. Looking back, I think we made the right decision (she is now a HS senior). Of course, you don't really know what the "right choice" was for years - just do the best you can, probably best to "go with your gut".