Gifted Bulletin Board

Welcome to the Gifted Issues Discussion Forum.

We invite you to share your experiences and to post information about advocacy, research and other gifted education issues on this free public discussion forum.
CLICK HERE to Log In. Click here for the Board Rules.

Links


Learn about Davidson Academy Online - for profoundly gifted students living anywhere in the U.S. & Canada.

The Davidson Institute is a national nonprofit dedicated to supporting profoundly gifted students through the following programs:

  • Fellows Scholarship
  • Young Scholars
  • Davidson Academy
  • THINK Summer Institute

  • Subscribe to the Davidson Institute's eNews-Update Newsletter >

    Free Gifted Resources & Guides >

    Who's Online Now
    0 members (), 100 guests, and 26 robots.
    Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
    Newest Members
    streble, DeliciousPizza, prominentdigitiz, parentologyco, Smartlady60
    11,413 Registered Users
    March
    S M T W T F S
    1 2
    3 4 5 6 7 8 9
    10 11 12 13 14 15 16
    17 18 19 20 21 22 23
    24 25 26 27 28 29 30
    31
    Previous Thread
    Next Thread
    Print Thread
    Page 2 of 2 1 2
    Joined: Apr 2014
    Posts: 4,047
    A
    aeh Offline
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    A
    Joined: Apr 2014
    Posts: 4,047
    For pragmatic language, much of the difference is in expectations. The range of NT development is quite large in children and preadolescents, while a middle/late adolescent is expected to have attained some of the more sophisticated pragmatics skills, so delays in doing so are more significant. You see this happen quite typically in middle school or early high school, when kids with social skills delays get left behind, because their age peers make the leap, and they haven't yet.

    On an even simpler level, some of the classic tests for pragmatic language (like the Social Language Development Test) have two forms--an elementary-age form, and an adolescent form, or, start around age 10 (like the Test of Language Competence, now revised as the CELF-5 Metalinguistics, which starts at age 9). The tests given at 10 and 15 may well have been different tests, with more sophisticated and subtle skills assessed on the older form, or the first administration may have been at the bottom of the norms, with a possible floor effect that obscured deficit areas.

    The reason the second situation occurs, of course, is because of the first.


    ...pronounced like the long vowel and first letter of the alphabet...
    Joined: Jun 2012
    Posts: 517
    M
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    M
    Joined: Jun 2012
    Posts: 517
    Originally Posted by LAF
    Mahagogo5, not only is he in cub scouts but I am his den leader and his dad is the pack leader… the kids in his den are all nice kids, but there's no real connection- most are quiet loner types, while he is the class clown type. He has been in it since 1st grade and has had a good experience.


    That does make it tricky then - I wonder how you would feel about him being in a different pack that didn't have Mom & Dad featuring so heavily? Perhaps a different group dynamic could help too.

    I take it the teachers are well aware of the problem - Do they have more social inclusion as one of his goals for the year? It sounds more like he is lacking connection rather than being actively bullied so I imagine the teachers could be of enormous help steering him toward kids who are more tolerant of "quirks".

    Best of luck

    Joined: Jul 2014
    Posts: 602
    T
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    T
    Joined: Jul 2014
    Posts: 602
    First of all, hugs, this must have been heartbreaking to witness.
    I also think it is important, for both you and him, to realize that a lot of the issues are situational and that a kid that is friendless at one point in school is NOT a kid that will be friendless forever. It does take resilience, and I do not think a kid comes out unscathed, but maybe at some point it may make him more compassionate towards others who are lonely themselves.
    Both DH and I have gone through years of being essentially friendless in school (for me, elementary was worst, for DH, middle school). We did have kids in the neighbourhood and kids we were in activities with to spend time with, but somehow school seems to be where being part of the group counts most. So a lot of my hard a work as a parent goes into helping my kids feel comfortable in school.
    DS9 was essentially friendless in preschool, did much better in elementary, middle school starts next year and I am already nervous as he may enter a gifted program on the other side of town where he will know no one. The older they get of course, the more they have to take over and find their social groups by themselves. Right now, I still phone parents or families and arrange activities.
    Just yesterday, I told DH that every single play date or activity with other kids that my kids enjoy *still* feels like a triumph. It is not enough to just work of social skills and pragmatics (though we do that, too) I have to encourage my kids to ask kids they like whether they want to come play, I phone moms and dads, drive places, completely disregard stuff like homework or instrument practice in favour of my kids spending time with others, and I make sure my kids don't notice the work that goes into it. It's that important to me. I also feel that even if a play date or activity doesn't work out that great, or the kids of the family that we do stuff with aren't perfect fits, they are learning valuable social skills every time they are not holed up with a book or in front of a screen,even though they might have to leave their comfort zones doing it. It is important to me that my kids think of themselves as social beings, who do have friends and do have play dates and get invited to the occasional birthday party. None of them are exactly popular - I know kids who have friends over every day, who are invited to birthday parties every month etc. I'm fine with fortnightly and quarterly, thank you very much, as long as they are socially active.
    Sorry, this post is longwinded and disjointed because I am at work and can't focus, but I am trying to make a point. His ex best friend may ignore him in school for a while but might still come over in the afternoons when the other kids higher on the hierarchical scale aren't there. Some of kids who are at the bottom of the scale who only stare at their phones might jump at the chance to make friends with your DS, even though they may not turn out to be his besties. The kids in his scout group may not be his besties either, but at least he is part of a group there. It's a training period - he's been benched, but don't let him quit, withdraw into book or screen worlds, and he may be back on the team either at this school or a new one.

    Joined: Mar 2013
    Posts: 1,489
    B
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    B
    Joined: Mar 2013
    Posts: 1,489
    Sorry to hear that your son is going through this. Been there and I understand how tough this can be. I know there aren't any quick and easy fixes. You can't just demand that other kids be his friends.

    My son spent part of 6th - 8th grade basically friendless. It was heartbreaking & I really didn't know how to help. At that age mom can't arrange a kids play dates. And honestly my son wasn't as mature as the other kids so I don't totally blame them. I In my son case by 7th would tell me that he didn't WANT any friends. He was actively pushing other kids away even when teachers would intervene. I think this was part a defense mechanism after he burnt a lot of bridges in 6th grade and part simply being uninterested in what a lot of preteen boys talk about in school.

    I did put my son in a social skills group at the end of 6th. And it did take till 8th grade for him to start making friends in school again. And at almost (17) he now has friends in H.S. but will never be a hugely social kid. In my son's case the two things that I have felt has helped him socially the most is Marching Band and the summer camp I enrolled him in that first summer after 6th grade. He is also in private therapy and I know that helps.

    Last edited by bluemagic; 02/10/16 09:11 AM.
    Joined: Jun 2014
    Posts: 469
    LAF Offline OP
    Member
    OP Offline
    Member
    Joined: Jun 2014
    Posts: 469
    Thanks all - I really needed the support so I appreciate your help. I've had some time to think about everything and so now I'm trying to look at the upside.

    Luckily he has enough going on in his own little world that this isn't as painful as it would be for my daughter (who is very social). And I thought about it and I would rather have a kid who is left out in the cold in elementary because he has big thoughts than force him to conform or hide who he is. He does have poor social skills - but they aren't as bad as they could be and I learned them and he can too. The main problem is that he is at a school where they have decided what he is and so unless he suddenly won a million dollars and started handing out checks his social status isn't probably going to change..but the good news is this is his last year there.

    But I appreciate hearing what has worked for you, it's very helpful and I will try to apply anything that might help him going forward. I just want him to find a couple of friends. I want him to have confidence and self esteem. But I don't want him to lose what makes him unique. He is amazing and I am blessed to get a chance to raise this kid. It's just hard when his peers don't see how super cool he is.

    Joined: Jun 2008
    Posts: 1,897
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    Joined: Jun 2008
    Posts: 1,897
    Sorry I don't have time to read through this whole thing at this time, but a couple of quick suggestions: have you tried enrolling him in some musical theater group (if that is at all to his liking) or other music group? not sure what it is about these groups but the kids are over the top NICE and inclusive - we did not do this with my son, but I see a lot of kids in my daughter's group who are like him, and well accepted. My son actually had a good connection the other day with one of these older kids in that group, by chance.
    Have you considered conventions? video-gaming, sci-fi, anime, whatever your son is interested in. this used to seem 'fringe' to me, but that is my son, a bit on the fringe. he definitely connects with a lot of what is going on at these events. we have gone to a couple and will probably invite a buddy on the next outing. he has a couple of friends that are genuine and reliable, but one of them moved a bit further away, and the other is in another school at this point, so we are looping back through making new friends. He is in h.s. now, and has some good acceptance in his art class, also, thankfully.

    Joined: Jun 2014
    Posts: 469
    LAF Offline OP
    Member
    OP Offline
    Member
    Joined: Jun 2014
    Posts: 469
    Hi Chris -

    Well he is a science kid. Being in Science Olympiad has been good for him, and he made one friend (a HG+ child who is two years younger) but no one in his grade (this year our team is mostly girls). I will think about taking him to some conventions.. but he's not really into a lot of animated shows enough that he would want to go to a convention. Thank you though, I will keep these ideas in mind.

    Joined: Feb 2012
    Posts: 1,390
    E
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    E
    Joined: Feb 2012
    Posts: 1,390
    Does he play board games? A board game convention might work. Think beyond Comic-con. smile

    Joined: Jun 2008
    Posts: 1,897
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    Joined: Jun 2008
    Posts: 1,897
    Originally Posted by ElizabethN
    Does he play board games? A board game convention might work. Think beyond Comic-con. smile

    yes, there is great variety out there, nowadays!

    edited to add:

    good resource to get started:http://www.upcomingcons.com/ I didn't think I myself would get a lot out of these cons, however everybody in my family really enjoyed the last one. It was pretty broad, even though it was for 'anime', there were video gaming rooms, board gaming rooms, cosplay (and everyone was very friendly, non-judgemental), and a surprising focus on the intellectual side of all these. ex: japanese culture - we saw panels on traditional myths being played out in modern stories, feminism in anime., panels on body pride via cosplay, art shows, etc., etc. Not just for guys, obviously.


    Last edited by chris1234; 02/17/16 06:56 AM.
    Page 2 of 2 1 2

    Moderated by  M-Moderator 

    Link Copied to Clipboard
    Recent Posts
    Testing with accommodations
    by aeh - 03/27/24 01:58 PM
    Quotations that resonate with gifted people
    by indigo - 03/27/24 12:38 PM
    New, and you'd think I'd have a clue...
    by astronomama - 03/24/24 06:01 AM
    For those interested in astronomy, eclipses...
    by indigo - 03/23/24 06:11 PM
    Son 2e, wide discrepancy between CogAT-Terranova
    by astronomama - 03/23/24 07:21 AM
    Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5