Gifted Bulletin Board

Welcome to the Gifted Issues Discussion Forum.

We invite you to share your experiences and to post information about advocacy, research and other gifted education issues on this free public discussion forum.
CLICK HERE to Log In. Click here for the Board Rules.

Links


Learn about Davidson Academy Online - for profoundly gifted students living anywhere in the U.S. & Canada.

The Davidson Institute is a national nonprofit dedicated to supporting profoundly gifted students through the following programs:

  • Fellows Scholarship
  • Young Scholars
  • Davidson Academy
  • THINK Summer Institute

  • Subscribe to the Davidson Institute's eNews-Update Newsletter >

    Free Gifted Resources & Guides >

    Who's Online Now
    0 members (), 591 guests, and 14 robots.
    Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
    Newest Members
    streble, DeliciousPizza, prominentdigitiz, parentologyco, Smartlady60
    11,413 Registered Users
    March
    S M T W T F S
    1 2
    3 4 5 6 7 8 9
    10 11 12 13 14 15 16
    17 18 19 20 21 22 23
    24 25 26 27 28 29 30
    31
    Previous Thread
    Next Thread
    Print Thread
    #227454 02/04/16 10:34 AM
    Joined: Feb 2016
    Posts: 278
    R
    RRD Offline OP
    Member
    OP Offline
    Member
    R
    Joined: Feb 2016
    Posts: 278
    This is my first time posting on this site and I'm really hoping I can get some guidance or advice.

    I�m not exactly sure what to think about our DS. He is 6 years old and I�ve suspected that he might be �slightly� gifted since he was 3 years old. Mostly, his personality traits are typical of those of gifted kids, but he's not showing any/many signs of giftedness when it comes to his intellect. Bottom line, we are still questioning whether or not he is, and we have an appointment to get him privately tested in May.

    The thing is, the "gifted personality traits" are exhausting us! And when I read about parents of GCs, it makes me want to cry because we have so many of the exact same problems. Here is a small sample:

    - He is so emotionally intense. Like so many gifted kids, he worries about natural disasters. As soon as we mention that we�re going somewhere, he asks if there are tornadoes, hurricanes or volcanoes there. He worries about comets hitting our planet and about the sun going supernova. He was upset with me this morning because I called one of our cats a �brat�. He didn�t want me to hurt the cat�s feelings. He also gets very upset if something gets changed in his environment. We gave away our old treadmill because we couldn�t fix the belt on it and he was very upset when the new treadmill that came in wasn�t exactly the same � apparently, there was an image of a cat on the front panel (that I had never noticed!) and the new one doesn�t have one.

    - He is an extreme perfectionist. If he can�t do something right away, he doesn�t want to do it. If he makes a mistake in his writing, he erases it until he shreds the paper. If I correct him because he has reversed a letter or number, he starts to cry and gets mad at me. If I try to help him read a word, he shakes his head as if to wipe out what he just heard (because he wants to be able to do it alone).

    - He can�t stand doing homework and it�s torture for all of us every time we have to sit down to do it. I can�t imagine what it�s going to be like when he has more than 10 minutes of homework every day!

    On the flip side, there are some really wonderful/amazing aspects to his personality. He loves all things science � astronomy, how the earth was formed, human biology, evolution, animal behaviour (echolocation, predation), electricity, and so forth, and it's so much fun to embark on the many different learning journeys with him. He asks tons of questions, is always curious, wants to learn about everything, except that he doesn�t enjoy learning to read or write.

    As for "giftedness" per se, he doesn�t seem much above average in his intellect. I know that gifted kids do not always perform exceptionally well at school (or they can even perform poorly). But in his case, it isn�t because he is trying to underperform or because it�s too boring or anything. And I know that it�s possible that he could have a learning disability. But it�s not just that he isn�t learning to read very quickly, he actually doesn�t seem to learn anything exceptionally fast. For instance, we were reading a book yesterday that describes the senses and he was completely absorbed, but this morning he couldn�t identify the pupil, iris or cornea. By the way, he is the one who begs for these types of books.

    The only possible indications might be his rather exceptional vocabulary (words like soaring, gather, investigating, quench, chorus, scurry, etc. starting at ages 3-4), his love for playing with words (he has had a �rhyming collection� since he was 3, and loves word games), the fact that he is observant (he was 21m and said his fruit looked like the moon, etc.), and that he corrects the smallest mistakes anyone else makes. But maybe those small things are just oddities?

    I really don�t care that much about getting him tested or identified or anything. And we love his intensity in many ways, but we want to be able to be able to help him control his emotions a bit better. We�ll be really happy if he is successful in school, but we mostly want him to be happy and well adjusted. AND, we would love to keep our sanity. He can be so exhausting... frown

    Any ideas as to how to manage? I know this is an awfully open-ended request, but I just feel sort of drained.

    Joined: Apr 2013
    Posts: 5,244
    Likes: 1
    I
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    I
    Joined: Apr 2013
    Posts: 5,244
    Likes: 1
    Welcome!

    These are frequent themes on the gifted forums, so others may chime in with their support and encouragement.

    I'll just start by saying that you may wish to get a copy of the book A Parent's Guide to Gifted Children, and the book The Unwritten Rules of Friendship may also be of interest.

    Joined: Aug 2013
    Posts: 448
    C
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    C
    Joined: Aug 2013
    Posts: 448
    So much of what you wrote could have described my DS at that age. We found the book "The Explosive Child" to be a life saver for our situation. It really helped deal with a very intense kid. Even for our non-explosive kid I found it really useful.

    For the homework piece I'd recommend doing some experiments to see if you can figure out a pattern. See what happens if you separate the writing part out by seeing if scribing the homework for him. See if it is mostly math related, or maybe just easy math but harder math is no problem or mostly coloring small picture related or whatever other pattern you can figure out. Keep in mind that many smart kids are very good at compensating for their weaknesses and hide them well. They also might be able to do it some times but it takes so much effort that it is hard for them to consistently repeat those results.

    Hopefully testing will help you get some answers. I know for us it was a huge eyeopener and helped a lot.




    Joined: Feb 2016
    Posts: 278
    R
    RRD Offline OP
    Member
    OP Offline
    Member
    R
    Joined: Feb 2016
    Posts: 278
    Thanks so much to both of you! It helps to know we're not alone. In fact, it helps just to read other parents' posts. It's crazy how so much of what I read might as well be a description of our DS!

    Chay, I went back to read a few of your previous posts and you're right that there seem to be a lot of similarities. In fact, one thing I hadn't mentioned is his problem with writing/printing. In fact, it has crossed my mind before that he could have some sort of learning disability. And now that I look up dysgraphia, I am really starting to question it! Of the different symptoms: his handwriting is excruciatingly slow and is not very legible, he often skips letters, can't keep his writing on one line, the size of his letters is all over the place, he mixes upper case and lower case letters, can't space his words properly, etc. I guess we'll make sure to get him tested for that as well.


    Joined: Aug 2013
    Posts: 448
    C
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    C
    Joined: Aug 2013
    Posts: 448
    There are a lot of possible explanations for what you're seeing. LD's, low processing speed, low working memory, vision issues, fine motor issues,... and many fun combinations.

    In addition to a psych assessment which should catch the LD/processing speed/working memory type things you might want to see if vision testing rings any bells. There are lots of stories here where it came down to a vision issue. It is possible to have 20/20 vision but if your eyes don't work well together it can cause all sorts of fun with reading and writing. I'm not an expert but there are others that can chime in on that one.

    I would also say that it might be a good idea to have a chat with him about it being ok that he is struggling with x/y/z and that it doesn't mean he is "stupid". Half of the fun with our DS was that the fact that all of his classmates were writing up a storm and he wasn't and it really challenged his idea that he was "the smart one". After we tested and talked a lot and it really helped him to relax which alone made a big difference even before we did anything else. Even without his results we could have had the chat that let him know that it is totally ok to be strong in somethings and struggle with others and I think it would have helped ease the stress.

    Good luck and you're definitely not alone!

    Joined: Feb 2016
    Posts: 278
    R
    RRD Offline OP
    Member
    OP Offline
    Member
    R
    Joined: Feb 2016
    Posts: 278
    We've already had his eyes tested and there don't seem to be any issues. The tests were quite comprehensive, so they probably would have caught it if there were an issue.

    I'm really looking forward to the testing this spring. I'm hoping that being able to explain some of this to DS will really help.

    For now, I'm trying to help him work through his perfectionism by explaining to him that this is a challenge we need to work through together. It doesn't help to explain to him that it's ok to not be good at some things, because it simply is NOT ok in his books. And forget about trying to model appropriate behaviour - if I point out to him that I'm not a great runner but I still love it, he'll go blue in the face trying to convince me that I am a superstar runner! And then that will be the next source of trauma for him. Argh.


    Moderated by  M-Moderator, Mark D. 

    Link Copied to Clipboard
    Recent Posts
    Testing with accommodations
    by aeh - 03/27/24 01:58 PM
    Quotations that resonate with gifted people
    by indigo - 03/27/24 12:38 PM
    For those interested in astronomy, eclipses...
    by indigo - 03/23/24 06:11 PM
    California Tries to Close the Gap in Math
    by thx1138 - 03/22/24 03:43 AM
    Gifted kids in Illinois. Recommendations?
    by indigo - 03/20/24 05:41 AM
    Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5