Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Recommended Resources Perfectionism Book??

What was the name of that perfectionism book everyone loves? Avoidance is beginning to become quite the problem around here.

I liked "A perfectly messed up story" - it's a picture book. And there are graphic images of a simulated orange juice spill. Not sure if that was the one.

"Beautiful oops" is a very simple picture book, but has a lovely message. Not sure how old your child is, but my 4 and 6yo enjoy it and often reference it in real life when they make a mistake.

"The Most Magnificent Thing" is also good. Maybe too young for an 8 year old (but maybe not).

There are a lot of good books like "The Glorious Flight" which is about Paul Bleriot flying the English Channel. (His plane was "Bleriot 11" - so clearly the first few planes were not perfect - but he kept trying and working and learning so there is an implied perfectionism lesson there ...).

I don't have a book, but I am constantly reinforcing the idea that sometimes even cooler things come out of mistakes. For instance, if you forget something, and you go back and meet someone that you wouldn't otherwise meet. Or how in the theater, there is a saying to "pray for accidents" because some of the most interesting moments come when the actor has a real moment on the stage (for instance, oops where is that umbrella that was supposed to be there, okay, I have to ad lib something there etc.). I also use the example of Post It notes…that was actually a huge failure because they were trying to get a very strong glue, but they ended up with something that didn't hold very strongly at all -so they used a failure to make something even better.

I also talk about how statistically the more you try something you aren't good at, the better you get at it. I use the example of the famous baseball players that got the most home runs but actually also struck out more than anyone else.

And of course we are running the growth vs. talent mindset paradigm in our house as often as possible...

We liked the NOVA episode "The Great Robot Race" - it's about 10 years old now (but some of the technology has found it's way into the Google cars).

It's about a DARPA challenge with a $2 million grand prize - the challenge is to build a self driving car that can navigate this huge course in the desert.

There is a lot of failure that gets shown - the first year nobody wins - nobody makes it more than a few miles (even teams with huge budgets and lots of very smart and capable people). But out of this failure comes much better cars the next year. The competition makes everyone better - even the cars that don't win the big prize. I liked it because it shows the productive side of failure, particularly in an engineering context.

Sometimes in the media (books/TV etc) we only see the shiny finished product and not all failure and frustration that helped give rise to the final result.

I purchased, "Nobody's Perfect: A Story for Children About Perfectionism"

My son is almost nine and we've read it a few times when he is especially hampered by perfectionism; like when he's trying something new and doesn't ace it right away!

It helps us open the conversation without sounding like we are addressing a "PROBLEM" with his attitude. (Which in itself can cause a shutdown!)

Be prepared to have your child squirm a bit if he's like ours. He avoids the topic of avoidance like the plague.

For the younger set we liked the classic "Thomas the Tank Engine" stories by Rev. Awdry. The trains mess up all the time (one train gets distracted trying to think of a clever insult to say to another and crashes, etc. etc.) But they realize what they did was wrong and get another chance and keep trying.

We also liked the NOVA "Wright Brothers' Flying Machine". A group of present day folks try to recreate a Wright Flyer. Again there is a lot of failure and messy triumph and messy failure. It is salutary to see a group of very capable people try, struggle, succeed and fail.

We love "The Fantastic Elastic Brain" by JoAnn Deak. It describes basic brain functions and explains how the brain grows every time you challenge it or make a mistake. I noticed a real change in my son's attitude after reading the book. He now smiles when he makes a mistake and says, "My brain just grew smarter/stronger!"

A book which seems to understand perfectionism very well and which many find supportive is What To Do When Good Enough Isn't Good Enough. Another book you might like is Perfectionism: What's Bad About Being Too Good. While insightful, these are written gently for kids, in a style that is fun and engaging. With any of these books it may be wise to pre-read and decide if it seems to be a helpful tool to use in guiding the children you have in mind.

Procrastination can be closely related to perfectionism.