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    Joined: May 2011
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    I wonder if this is a bad school fit, making your daughter seem even more out of place than she might otherwise. Can you investigate other schools and find one that might have more grade skippers? In our state, we can see how many students are identified as gifted at each school, which is a good way to gauge if there might be more kids like your daughter. Also, it seems like your daughter might fit in well at a STEM-focused school, where they might even have Minecraft clubs (my son's school does!).

    We went through this with my son. Third through 8th grades were the hardest. The fact is, he just didn't have that much in common with age peers. They weren't that interested in him, and he really didn't have an interest in trying to fit in with them. He thought they were all immature and not very smart. After homeschooling a while, we finally found the right school for him. There was a period of transition when he started, but this year he is having such a fantastic year, I can't even believe it. He says repeatedly how happy he is, which is surprising to hear from a reserved, sarcastic kid.

    In the meantime, I would reassure your daughter that things will get better, that you are working on it, and you'll help her find a solution. Tell her it's not HER, it's that the other kids just aren't at her level yet. I would also look for clubs or activities outside of school that she might be interested in, like a minecraft club (can you start one?), or an art group.

    Joined: Oct 2011
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    Our DD skipped 6th grade and joined middle school in 7th (around here middle schools are 6,7,8). I have often said one of the best things about that skip was giving DD one less year of middle school. Even the school principal, in our acceleration meeting, flat out said, "Middle school sucks, even for non-accelerated kids."

    It took our DD a few months to finally get accepted into a group. Until then she kind of toughed it out, mostly hanging out with the kids the guidance office had asked to take her in (in addition to the acceleration, our DD was also new to the district). Now she is a junior in high school and her groups have completely changed since middle school.

    Did your DD's acceleration plan include any monitoring and/or follow-up from the school to see how things are going for her? Having the school keeping an eye out for our DD, and getting involved in extra-curriculars (swim, band, jazz band, tennis) help quite a bit.

    It was a tough time for my wife and I to see our DD not immediately thriving socially after her second acceleration, but looking back now (~4 years later), we are (and she is) so happy with both the academic and social fit and (other than a little ribbing) most of her friends don't even think about her being younger.

    Best of luck,
    --S.F.


    For gifted children, doing nothing is the wrong choice.
    Joined: Oct 2012
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    Middle school is just a tough time all around so I feel for what you and your DD are going through. While my DS is not experiencing what you have written about now in middle school, when he was in 4th grade, he transferred to an all-gifted school within a school. DS is young for his grade and not a rough and tumble type. He became close friends with a few girls who had also transferred in and didn't know anyone. Even today in middle school, his ratio of friends is about 75% to 25% in favor of girls. So the suggestion above about maybe breaking into some boys groups is a good one if other avenues are not working. Sometimes the common interests are in other places.
    ITA with other posters who recommend letting her know that things to get better. Best of luck to her!

    Joined: Mar 2012
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    I am so sorry - I was one of the girls in my school that did not want to be in groups that talked about fashion, beauty or boys during the recesses. I spent much time reading books.

    I think that part of the problem she is facing is because the school that grade skipped your DD did not arrange enough support for her and is not following up on how well she has integrated into the new environment. This is a pretty common attitude and they assume that all is well if nothing is brought to their attention.

    The only effective way in which my DS has found a place for himself through many rough school changes and 1 grade acceleration is by playing team sports. He loves to play sports and that has eventually given him a common ground to interact with kids who might not have any other interests in common with him. Being in ensembles, after school clubs etc have not been as effective for him as the interactions gained from playing a team sport with others. That also cuts down on talk about things that he is not interested in at lunch - he does not have exposure to popular culture and is at a loss when those topics are discussed - so, he talks about their common sport most of the time and then, after lunch he plays his sport with the kids he ate with in the little time left over in the lunch recess.

    The school did arrange a "buddy" for DS when he skipped grades and changed schools this year and he showed him around and welcomed him. This was the full extent of the "support" they provided for DS and it was our good fortune that this buddy was a really nice child who was motivated to help DS. And DS is familiar with a lot of kids because they group kids randomly for science experiments, musical performances and PE. But, it has been team sports that has redeemed DS from a lot of loneliness and being left alone.

    The AIG teacher or homeroom teacher might be able to help by arranging for your daughter to be with groups that have similar interests.

    If your daughter might like to play a team sport, it could be a good way to make friendships without getting involved in discussions about hairstyles. And she could share a common interest and not feel that the other girls find her annoying.

    Joined: Oct 2013
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    Please talk to the guidance counselor. They often can help.

    Joined: Oct 2014
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    Sorry to hear that other kids are ignoring your daughter -- I agree, those years are tough!
    Obviously making friends is the ideal in this case, but that's a process - worth it, but hard if she just can't find a person to "click" with yet. Since middle school is usually when lunches tend to become more flexible, could she eat in a classroom with one of the teachers -- maybe one or two days a week, for example - so that she isn't pressured every day too find somewhere to sit? Especially if the guidance counselor is really nice, maybe your daughter could ask her - and it's still a way to practice social skills. YMMV, but around here it's not common but definitely not usual for kids to just sort of hang around certain classes for lunches. Many kids are in there for schoolwork, anyway.

    Joined: Apr 2012
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    Greenlotus, I feel your pain. My dd is only 6 but going through some of this. We talked to the teacher and my dd was signed up for a friendship club that will meet once weekly. From reading your earlier posts, looks like your dd has gone thru this before as well starting from kindergarten. Isn't her sister in the same grade now? Would she be able to help? Most schools realize that middle school is tough and have support infrastructure in place for all the kids to help adjust. Does her school have anything?

    Joined: Feb 2014
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    It sure is nice to have all of you respond. My organizational self is going to take all the suggestions, copy them into a document, and take it to my meeting with the AIG teacher. As I stated earlier, the guidance counselor is rather cold (I'm scared of her!!!). The AIG teacher is a sweetie.

    DD has always struggled with friendships. Both in K and 1st she had best friends who eventually told her they didn't want to be friends anymore. She chose not to have friends for awhile after that. We did go to a therapist for a bit then. Anyway, she tends to make friends with those who are with her for long periods of time (the kid who sits next to her all day long in 3rd grade for example). Well, that's not how middle school works. They zip in and out of class all day long.

    I am buying that book about friendship mentioned on another post. In fact, I need to order Christmas presents so I will get to that in a minute.

    I will give you all an update after I speak to the AIG teacher.
    Christmas cookies to all those who posted so many good ideas!!!!!!

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    Aww, hugs to your DD, greenlotus. That is so hard. FWIW, DYS DD10 would probably love your DD. She'd chat her up about Minecraft and not care one whit about beautification of any variety.

    Can't big sis help "bridge the gap" a bit by helping your DD meet some like-minded 6th graders? I know that you probably don't want to put that on your older DD, but it would be a "kind sibling" move. My mom was grade-skipped into her brother's grade...I think the only thing that he ever "helped" her with (according to family lore) was bringing and setting loose snakes at a girl's birthday party...

    Joined: May 2013
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    Originally Posted by Loy58
    Aww, hugs to your DD, greenlotus. That is so hard. FWIW, DYS DD10 would probably love your DD. She'd chat her up about Minecraft and not care one whit about beautification of any variety.

    Ditto to this. DD can make herself fit in by talking about the "girlie" stuff but I don't think any of her friends would sit around playing Minecraft all day like she does. And I can't even get DD to comb through her unruly hair much less be concerned with hairstyles. I am not sure how many times per day she rolls her eyes and says "oh my god" and makes a sarcastic comment, so they could do that with each other as well. I think it's just a matter of finding peers rather than something wrong with your DD.

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