Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums High School Problem-solving meeting, and I don't mean math pro

Chances are something unanticipated will pop up, no matter how well you prepare and plan. Just keep planning and prepping as best you can! Even when something completely unantiicpated pops up, I find that having planned for as much as possible beforehand helped me be more self-confident in my replies to the unexpected. Another thing that helped - having an agenda of *my own* - and then trying to steer the discussion as much as possible toward that agenda. It doesn't have to be huge, just a very simple list of what you hope to communicate and accomplish. Then when something completely unanticipated does come up, you can say "yes, that's interesting (or whatever), but for now can we finish discussing abc". Hope that makes sense!

Another piece of advice - these meetings (from the teacher and staff perspective) tend to be focused on the short term what-do-we-do-right-now to solve an issue that's happening in class - which makes sense - they are looking at things from the school management point of view. You, otoh, need to look at the big picture and long-term goals: what is the challenge that is preventing your ds from functioning as he is expected to in this environment, does it impact him in other ways, and is it something that can/needs to be remediated, is it a challenge that he needs to have accommodations for etc. If he needs accommodations, don't look at them from the perspective of "ds needs to do x to get his grade up in class y" but instead from the perspective of "ds is challenged with x-issue, and he needs to have accommodation y in order to show his knowledge (or function in the classroom or whatever).

The school may also try to have teacher 1 want one thing to happen in their classroom vs teacher 2 want something different etc. Try to look for a global solution - whatever your ds needs, he most likely needs across the board, not something piece-mealed together to fit an individual teacher's desires.

It might also help, if you're thinking of specific accommodations, to look at your state board of ed's website to see if their policy manual includes lists of "typical accommodations". We found that our school was quick to say "yes" to anything on this list, and also responded with an automatic "I don't think we can do that" to any other request.

Best wishes,

polarbear

So glad you checked in, Bluemagic, I was hoping you would.



Yes, DS will be most uncomfortable: counselor (new this year), social worker, dean, psychologist, "intervention specialist" from special ed, and all his teachers via assessment surveys they filled out, the teachers won't be there in person.

And that is part of the problem. He doesn't like being the focus of attention at all, and that includes his work being the focus. He does just fine in group presentations and group performances. He just can't do it by himself.

He really is where he needs to be academically. He is working ahead of the curriculum in calc and comp sci, and understands the course content in physics, all APs. In his two honors classes, he likes the pace of the class and the ability/energy of the other students.


I actually think the study hall assigned to a particular teacher on certain days or under certain circumstances (after a paper is assigned or before a lab is due, or after a poor test) might be helpful, to foster the teacher-student conversation that he avoids, and from there I hope that he will be able to show them his work. He has terrific teachers this year, he likes them all, likes his classes, likes his classmates. I think he doesn't like or trust himself. He already sees the social worker one study hall a week, for a homework check, and to facilitate make-up tests, individual meetings with teachers, and assignment delivery. He doesn't like it, of course.

All underclassmen have a study hall if they don't have a class scheduled. DS's music teacher got him assigned to her room during his, which is so much better than a regular study hall. He grabs a practice room and can be alone, do homework, practice, compose, move around, chat if there is anyone else there. It is a privilege that could change, but he needs it. I will hold on to that for him.

PolarBear, thank you so much for the advice, and the difference between the school's perspective and mine.

I had not thought of it that way. And thank you for the suggestion to check my state BofEd policies. I went to check it out and it is a wealth of information.

For the unexpected, I prepare a few responses for myself in advance:

"This is the first I've become aware of this. Can you tell me more?"
"I wasn't prepared to discuss this today. Can we please meet again soon once I've had a chance to prepare?"

Thank you, Geofizz, good to have those in my pocket, too.

Great advice from geofizz!

One more response I found useful to have ready: sometimes at these meetings you'll find staff/teachers/etc will think they already know the answer to everything based on experience with past students (and please know - I appreciate that there are many times when that past knowledge is extremely helpful and on point..)... but.. if you find that the discussion is going off course based on this type of logic, it's helped me to state simply: "We aren't here to talk about __, we are here to talk about the individual needs of my ds."

polarbear