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    Joined: Jun 2014
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    LAF Offline OP
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    DS age 11 is 2e but the primary stumbling block in social skills appears to be related to his quirky sense of humor and inattentiveness (ADDish). At least these social skill deficits apply to him:

    Has trouble taking turns
    Interrupts or blurts out answers
    Wants things immediately
    Doesn’t give others the chance to speak (Little Professor, lectures at people)
    Is a poor listener and loses the point of what’s being said
    Gives up easily on tasks, even in group activities (he tends to not track with others)
    Constantly moves around and fidgets

    I need to help him as it's come to a place where he basically said to me that he can't wait for middle school as he is the most unpopular kid in the 5th grade and he's ruined himself at his elementary. I don't have the heart to tell him that middle school is even worse frown. I need to teach him any social skills I can, and fast. Does anyone have any resources? I don't want to put him in a once a week class because I think we need to work faster and more intensively than that. Plus he is smart, I think he can pick it up really quick so long as I'm super clear about what is happening. Does anyone have a social skills workbook or online resource? Something like Khan Academy for social skills would be ideal…. I did already give him an app called Give Me 5 and he blew through that already. Any ideas?

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    LAF Offline OP
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    No I haven't - I will go check it out. I am not sure what to do, because a lot of his deficits are related to his brain chemistry… frown

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    Another idea might be The Unwritten Rules of Friendship.

    Also Michelle Garcia's Social Thinking website.

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    Originally Posted by indigo
    Another idea might be The Unwritten Rules of Friendship.

    Also Michelle Garcia's Social Thinking website.


    SuperFlex is part of Social Thinking. But I agree that the Unwritten Rules would be a good resource.

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    I have a son who has some social skills issues, too. We have been working on them with a psychologist and a social skills group for a couple of years. The best book I have read on the topic is "8 Keys to Raising the Quirky Kid" by Mark Bowers. It is an incredible resource and is the only book I've read that provides detailed advice about how to scaffold various social skills. I highly recommend it for you.

    I have also bought and read some books aimed at kids. If your son is open to reading them, the following books might be helpful: "How to Make and Keep Friends" by Nadine Briggs and "Social Rules for Kids" by Susan Diamond.

    My son, who is now six, participated in a social skills play group for over a year and that helped a bit. I saw the most dramatic improvement in his social skills, however, when he started attending a school where he found a friend who was also very smart, a bit quirky and interested in the same things. For kids who struggle with social skills, lots of practice (combined with some direct instruction and modeling) can make a huge difference. The Bowers book stresses this and I found it to be true. That book was a lifesaver for us and I think you will find what you need in it. Good luck!

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    The Social Thinking books seem a bit young for my son, my instinct is he would reject them as being for younger kids. But I just ordered the How To Make and Keep Friends book. It looks perfect, hopefully it will help. I am also going to buy the companion book for parents. If anyone has additional ideas, let me know - and thank you again for your help smile

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    DD11 also really enjoyed The Asperkid's Secret Book of Social Rules, LAF. I know your DS doesn't have Asperger Syndrome, but it's a very nice catalog of what to do in many situations that might help.

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    Lepa, I just finished reading 8 Keys to Raising the Quirky Kid and that was really an eye opener. I saw my DS in a lot of that book and also where I have not been helping him work the social muscles he needed to develop. I wish I had read it when he was in 3rd grade, but I didn't see it at that point- in a lot of ways he's very social and certainly tries to make friends and be part of the group, but as the other kids picked up the social rules, he didn't and now in 5th grade he can't engage them and he is being left out (and has started adapting to that by spending recess and eating lunch in the classroom). I am now reading the How To Make and Keep Friends book Parents Guide. After I finish this one I will check out the other books.

    Thank you all so much, I have no idea what I would do without this group.

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    LAF, I just saw this post. I'm glad that the book was helpful.

    As I said above, my son really started to pick up more social skills when he changed schools and found a kindred spirit. The daily experience of being with a friend really boosted his social skills and helped his self-confidence. It's so hard to practice social skills when you are socially isolated! I also think that he needed an opportunity to break out of the role he had become boxed into at his preschool. It was a necessary transition for us because my son was ready to start kindergarten but I understand that it would be difficult for you to give your son an opportunity to get a similar fresh start. I wonder if your son could enroll in a class or enrichment activity where he might meet new kids who have similar interests? This might give him an opportunity to break out of his current role, meet somebody who he connects with and gain some self-confidence that might transfer to his relationships at school? As Bowers points out, practice is critical to developing social skills but you must first help your son find somebody who he can practice with!


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    Well I realized after reading the book that his two friends were not ideal for helping him with skills and now understand why he picked them. One was a gamer, only likes to play video games and no other activities and the other was an exchange student from China (limited ability to communicate). I am now trying to set up playdates where video games are a very small part (if not completely absent).

    He is really looking forward to middle school (he is in 5th, the last year at this school) and I am hoping he will qualify for the public gifted HG school. I think he would find kindred spirits there. He's also doing Science Olympiad at school, so I'm hopeful there too.

    I really appreciate all the help, because I couldn't figure out what was wrong for so long: first he was gifted, then he had the second e, but I still couldn't figure out the last part and why he kept isolating himself more and more (and seemed majorly stressed when I picked him up from school). He is socially delayed compared to the other kids, and so that was making the whole situation worse. We are now really limiting the TV, and we are spending a lot of time as a family doing activities. I also got him the How To Make Friends book and while he has been resistant to reading it he did say things are going better because he has been using things in the book at school.

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