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    #225808 - 12/09/15 07:27 AM Re: SST Meeting - what would you do? [Re: suevv]
    polarbear Offline

    Registered: 09/29/11
    Posts: 3363
    Originally Posted By: suevv

    Teacher is just really good. She's very focused on the fact that DS8 is trying hard and is a good little boy who is struggling. Worth her weight in gold, she is.

    Thanks for the update, suave. It must feel like a huge relief to know that ds' teacher sees him the way she does. That's awesome!

    She really wanted to try a "star chart" with the reward being to be able to do something special with a friend. Goal is to get DS believing that he is making progress and is not a bad person. And keep working to dial down the inappropriate behaviors.

    I'm not a fan of star charts in general, but I do think they can work if a student if they're not used sometimes, forgotten about other times, if they are used based on an objective criteria as blackcat mentioned, and if the other students in the classroom aren't aware that your ds has a star chart.

    My one remaining question though is - he's being potentially rewarded for dialing back his unacceptable behaviors, but does anyone really understand what's causing the behaviors? Until you've got that piece of the puzzle solved, it may be frustrating and difficult for your ds to make progress with behavior.

    They both repeatedly talked about how he is so bright, and needs the chance to feel good about his strengths.

    Agreed. OTOH, if he's in a situation where he doesn't have the appropriate accommodations and remediation to help with his 2nd e, no matter how much effort is put into giving him opportunities to feel good about his strengths, he's still most likely going to be a very frustrated student. I know you've said above that you've made suggestions for accommodations and the teacher has been very willing to work with you/ds/the suggestions, which is great. I still wonder though if the teacher and school staff might not have a better chance of truly helping your ds if you shared the report from his testing with them.

    Have you told them the reason you make the accommodations you are suggesting to them is because he's dysgraphic? And what types of accommodations is he receiving? Does he have a scribe for writing or is he allowed to use a keyboard? The dysgraphia may not be 100% of the reason for his behavior issues, but it still needs to be appropriately accommodated, with an eye looking forward to future years in school.

    Exactly how many holiday events CAN they fit into a 2-week period?!?

    Well, I don't know about your ds' school, but where we're at this time of year turns into a bit of a zoo for sure!!! My entire household is sleep-deprived thanks to all the atypical stuff that is going on at school smile

    Teacher says DS has so much suppressed frustration and anger that she doesn't know how he gets through the day sometimes. Principal added that frustration and anger are probably rooted in fear and anxiety.

    Do you see the same frustration/anger/anxiety at home or does it all appear to be school-related? What does your ds say about his feelings and about school? Our ds had some very very serious anxiety prior to his diagnosis in 2nd grade, when his dysgraphia wasn't diagnosed and he just couldn't perform at school but no one realized it (except for ds). Once we (parents and teachers) understood his diagnosis, once accommodations were in place, and once we'd actually *told* ds he had dysgraphia, his level of anxiety evaporated. Knowing that his struggles weren't his fault, alone, was huge. Knowing that he had adults who were going to help him was also huge. I realize your ds has adults helping him.. but being sure that help is geared in the right direction is important. It's possible that everything is truly anxiety and needs to be addressed as such, but I'd want to know for sure that the dysgraphia/stealth dyslexia were addressed first before assuming that the primary issue is anxiety/frustration etc.

    Let us know how everything goes -

    Best wishes,


    #225900 - 12/13/15 04:15 AM Re: SST Meeting - what would you do? [Re: suevv]
    eco21268 Offline

    Registered: 04/21/15
    Posts: 647
    Suevv, I'm going to kind of echo polarbear but with an addendum--

    If I could have a do-over, I'd personally learn a lot more about "social skills" and share what I learned with DS much sooner. Here's why: even with an education/counseling background, I had no earthly idea what social skills are. If someone had suggested to me DS had social skills issues, I'd have attributed this almost entirely to his giftedness. He is gregarious! He is funny! He never met a stranger! <---well, until he became a tween and got all traumatized by his burgeoning self-awareness and withdrew...

    Now, the more I learn about EF and social skills, the clearer it all becomes. And it is SO MUCH EASIER to talk to DS with the appropriate language. He used to tell me all the time that he was "irresponsible" etc. ICK!

    The benefit to our kids being so bright is that they can handle a logical, scientific explanation to their challenges. As an example--if you are going to agree to the star chart (OMG, I have star chart PTSD), I'd explain to DS that this is positive reinforcement, etc., and how it's supposed to help him make new neural pathways.

    I had a hilarious (but sad) conversation on the way to school with my kids the other day, telling them I've kinda dropped the ball with them, because I've trained them to ignore my requests by repeating them ad infinitum. DS very thoughtfully replied, "Yes, but it's not conscious. You have sorta Pavlov's dogged us."


    It really does help make discussions easier, anyhow, because DS is very objective and does not get offended easily. That is one of the best parts of the quirky personality. smile

    Also--if you haven't already, I'd suggest you read the 8 Keys to Raising a Quirky Kid book. It's not super deep, but it has a nice breadth of information (I'm being kinda silly--if you read it, you'll understand what I mean), and I think it gives some pretty succinct explanations of certain qualities. I'm going to use it to help my DS with his self-awareness, and you could easily be modify for a bright, younger child, methinks. Especially if you share any of his traits and understand them at a gut level.

    #225901 - 12/13/15 08:45 AM Re: SST Meeting - what would you do? [Re: suevv]
    LAF Offline

    Registered: 06/15/14
    Posts: 469
    eco I completely agree, I have our first SST meeting on Monday and right now I'm seeing that almost all his current problems stem from not reading social cues and that's what I will be addressing with them primarily. The 8 Keys to Raising a Quirky Kid is a must read if your child is having social problems. No matter how smart you are, you need to learn how to read non-verbal social cues. I explained it to my son as a tool. He loves animals, so I used the chameleon reference. If you can blend depending on the situation, you have protection. You will always be a chameleon no matter what color you use, the blending itself is just to protect you. It also helps him makes friends, but right now I figured he is more concerned with figuring out how to keep people from being mean to him..

    #225902 - 12/13/15 10:51 AM Re: SST Meeting - what would you do? [Re: LAF]
    puffin Offline

    Registered: 12/11/12
    Posts: 2035
    What book would you recommend for use by a mother who has no social skills either?

    #225903 - 12/13/15 11:54 AM Re: SST Meeting - what would you do? [Re: suevv]
    LAF Offline

    Registered: 06/15/14
    Posts: 469
    Puffin - ones I just read are:

    8 Keys To Raising A Quirky Child (Bowers)
    The Unwritten Rules of Friendship (Elman and Kennedy-Moore)
    How To Make & Keep Friends: Tips for Kids To Overcome 50 Common Social Challenges (Briggs and Shea) for older kids, and there is a parent guide which I purchased by the same authors called How to Make & Keep Friends: Helping Your Child Achieve Social Success

    If you don't have social skills, this will help both of you wink. I have excellent social skills but only because I was a social outcast so I read books like this to teach myself in middle school…I couldn't (or didn't care) about playing the game.. until I saw the consequences. I was so literal. I would say I don't understand what I did. And of course I would get "if you don't know I'm not going to tell you" So mature, right? I'm still very straight ahead in talking to people, but I also have to remind myself not to talk over people or interrupt when I get excited about a topic etc.

    #225904 - 12/13/15 05:43 PM Re: SST Meeting - what would you do? [Re: LAF]
    puffin Offline

    Registered: 12/11/12
    Posts: 2035
    Thanks. I have a kindle sample of the unwritten rukes of friendship so i will start there. I don't really want to 'start playing the game' at this point but i would like to improve the basics and give my kids more options.

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