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    Tigerle Offline OP
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    Meant to add I took the quiz too, and as expected, I'm a pretty clear Ravenclaw. Yes, according to the website I found it on, this is the original quiz pulled off the Pottermore site, with all 27 questions or however many there were. A lot.

    Last edited by Tigerle; 10/06/15 08:59 AM.
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    Originally Posted by Tigerle
    the dreams of distinction and glory that Gryffindors hold.

    I think you've confused Gryffindor with Slytherin there.

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    Originally Posted by Tigerle
    I think it is not quite as trite as some of you make out.

    I want to be quite clear that I do not think this is trite at all. At. All. Mock if you will (though I think most aren't mocking, they are agreeing in a playful way). But then remind yourself how very, very hard it is for our little ones (and sometimes, ourselves) to find "tribe." To feel that they/we fit in somewhere. To believe you have that, and then have it taken away. That's hard - even if the authority taking it away is a dumb computer quiz.

    That's why I took the quiz. I knew I'd get that pathetic fizz of pleasure if it said "Ravenclaw." I knew I'd be disappointed if it didn't. But I wanted to confirm it, and there it was.

    This is why we see great huge groups of grown-ups dressed in costume for Star Trek conventions and Comic Cons. Great fodder for Saturday Night Live and situation comedies. But the underlying need for community is profound, in my opinion.

    My DS is just like yours. Things matter so much, too much, to him. And he has outbursts, too. And he throws things, too. Last night he threw down and broke a hair brush because he it kept making his hair "look like a girl." Not OK.

    But as long as I'm remembering where that intensity comes from, we make progress on "intensity is OK, big feelings are OK, throwing things is not OK. When I forget, or slip up and trivialize the thing he is having big feelings about - that's when he slips backwards.

    Sorry - soap box rant. But I do feel so much for these little ones trying to find their way, with so few people to understand. Sniffle.... That must just be my cold ....

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    Tigerle Offline OP
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    Originally Posted by Dude
    Originally Posted by Tigerle
    the dreams of distinction and glory that Gryffindors hold.

    I think you've confused Gryffindor with Slytherin there.

    I think this is a trait that Gryffindors and Slytherins share. Only that Gryffindors want "brave deeds to their names" and Slytherins (namely Phineas Black) feel that Gryffindors engage in "pointless heroics", and Slytherins want to be admired and feared in order to wield power. They do not care about being heroic and chivalrous on the way.

    Carry on.

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    Tigerle Offline OP
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    Originally Posted by suevv
    Originally Posted by Tigerle
    I think it is not quite as trite as some of you make out.

    I want to be quite clear that I do not think this is trite at all. At. All. Mock if you will (though I think most aren't mocking, they are agreeing in a playful way). But then remind yourself how very, very hard it is for our little ones (and sometimes, ourselves) to find "tribe." To feel that they/we fit in somewhere. To believe you have that, and then have it taken away. That's hard - even if the authority taking it away is a dumb computer quiz.

    That's why I took the quiz. I knew I'd get that pathetic fizz of pleasure if it said "Ravenclaw." I knew I'd be disappointed if it didn't. But I wanted to confirm it, and there it was.

    This is why we see great huge groups of grown-ups dressed in costume for Star Trek conventions and Comic Cons. Great fodder for Saturday Night Live and situation comedies. But the underlying need for community is profound, in my opinion.

    My DS is just like yours. Things matter so much, too much, to him. And he has outbursts, too. And he throws things, too. Last night he threw down and broke a hair brush because he it kept making his hair "look like a girl." Not OK.

    But as long as I'm remembering where that intensity comes from, we make progress on "intensity is OK, big feelings are OK, throwing things is not OK. When I forget, or slip up and trivialize the thing he is having big feelings about - that's when he slips backwards.

    Sorry - soap box rant. But I do feel so much for these little ones trying to find their way, with so few people to understand. Sniffle.... That must just be my cold ....


    Thank you. I do think most everyone here gets it. It is not the kind of thing I can mention to the moms of classmates...

    Last edited by Tigerle; 10/06/15 10:03 AM.
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    Originally Posted by Tigerle
    To clarify, yes, we are working expressing emotions safely and all that jazz, will take up CBT again when we are all back to working order. It is the intensity of the emotions, the way they appear to consume him, that floors me every time and makes me feel so helpless in trying to find ways of getting through to him. After all, he's going on nine and I was hoping for maturity to begin to help him with what should be minor disappointments, and every time he melts down and/or explodes like this over trivia it feels like back to square one.
    It is very important that he can express his emotions openly. You know it will not last, so remain confident and reassuring; give him something to hold onto without pushing yourself on him in any way. If you feel helpless yourself, how can he believe in your ability to help him?

    The three most important things that helped me handle the intensity of my emotions were (1) realizing and applying that while I am not in direct control of my emotions, I am in control of my behavior; (2) realizing and applying that my thoughts drive my emotions, studying and applying learned optimism; (3) finding a true friend who will not judge about the intensity of my emotions.

    My emotions are still as intense as ever, but I now “bounce back” exceptionally fast from negative emotions and thoughts. This helped me—in only a few months once I understood the strategy—overcome 7+ years of major depression; I am now also usually the most upbeat and hopeful person in a room. smile

    Oh, but I do still struggle with understanding how much emotional intensity is safe to express when speaking with others. Just a few weeks ago I wrote a lovely fan “letter” to my #1 musician, a wonderful pianist and violinist who is admittedly not very famous (her youtube videos have less than 200 views), and she “responded” by blocking my Facebook profile—Whoops! But the funny thing is that I can actually handle the intensity of my emotions better now than others can. smile

    Originally Posted by Tigerle
    What helped most, though, was good old redirection of his mental energies: we had a family reunion and my niece brought out the old Harry Potter Cluedo I'd given her ten years ago. We have played it four times now in as many days (it takes quite a bit longer than ordinary Cluedo, what with the Dark Mark and losing house points and the doors and secret passageways shifting all the time) and he is hooked.
    I love Cluedo! I have won every game but one. I definitely need to get the Harry Potter edition now, and hopefully find a worthy opponent one day! I always wonder what everyone is doing. They make so silly moves, it is quite fun to watch. They also constantly try to figure out what I have already figured out, even sometimes when I could not have possibly figured out anything at all yet. Nyahahaha. ^..^

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    Originally Posted by Tigerle
    Originally Posted by Dude
    Originally Posted by Tigerle
    the dreams of distinction and glory that Gryffindors hold.

    I think you've confused Gryffindor with Slytherin there.

    I think this is a trait that Gryffindors and Slytherins share. Only that Gryffindors want "brave deeds to their names" and Slytherins (namely Phineas Black) feel that Gryffindors engage in "pointless heroics", and Slytherins want to be admired and feared in order to wield power. They do not care about being heroic and chivalrous on the way.

    Again, people are not just one thing or the other. So yes, someone can be both brave and also glory seeking, and could do well in either Slytherin or Gryffindor. Snape and Harry could easily have swapped Houses, except for differences in personal values at 11 years old. Harry's father could have been a Slytherin, too. Dumbledore, too.

    However, it's also possible to have just one of the traits, so a Gryffindor can have limited ambition (Neville, most of the Weasley clan), and a Slytherin can lack courage (Lucius and Draco Malfoy).

    Also, not all Slytherins want to be feared in order to gain power/fame, so that's another unfair characterization. Slughorn, for example, found a way to acquire notoriety through the courting of promising youths, and gaining their friendship.

    It's when a Gryffindor and a Slytherin have much in common that the real problems start, because then they both have ambition and courage, but are often pursuing opposing ends. So no wonder Phineas Black would curse the Gryffindors for their "pointless heroics," because said heroics are standing in the way of his own ambitions.

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    Originally Posted by Dude
    It's when a Gryffindor and a Slytherin have much in common that the real problems start, because then they both have ambition and courage, but are often pursuing opposing ends. So no wonder Phineas Black would curse the Gryffindors for their "pointless heroics," because said heroics are standing in the way of his own ambitions.
    Ah . . . not only that; the house of Gryffindor would also be more likely than Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff to uncover the plots of Slytherin, given their tendency to actively look for opportunities to test their courage. Similarly, where a Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw may pursue solving quarrels with Slytherin diplomatically by perhaps addressing a teacher, a Gryffindor would openly oppose them without hesitance—for better or worse (e.g., Harry pursuing Malfoy on a Broomstick, which turned out very lucky for him).

    This Gryffindor tendency to come into conflict with injustice may be why you mistook the Hufflepuffs as not standing their ground and fighting for justice when need arises. Availability heuristic, I think (I am not too sure, it being too-late-o'clock and all). smile

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    Tigerle Offline OP
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    Originally Posted by Dude
    However, it's also possible to have just one of the traits, so a Gryffindor can have limited ambition (Neville, most of the Weasley clan), and a Slytherin can lack courage (Lucius and Draco Malfoy).

    Also, not all Slytherins want to be feared in order to gain power/fame, so that's another unfair characterization. Slughorn, for example, found a way to acquire notoriety through the courting of promising youths, and gaining their friendship.


    True dat.

    Slughorn in some ways embodying the Slytherin house that should have been, before it was twisted beyond recognition by Voldemort.

    I'd say that both Ron and Neville have secret ambitions to distinguish themselves as shown, for instance, when Ron sees himself in the mirror of Erised being head boy and being awarded the house cup, they just feel inept or unworthy a lot of the time, overshadowed by overbearing family.

    Dumbledore, of course, was still extremely ambitious at 11 when he was being sorted. He refused the post of minister much later, after being chastened by his experience with Grindelwald.

    And I bet Hufflepuffs can be quite scary, depending on whether they are united behind you or against you. I bet no one is ever bullied or excluded in that house though, not like in Gryffindor or Ravenclaw where their fellow housemates can make life very unpleasant for Harry and Luna. We are rarely privy to goings on in Slytherin, but one would imagine bully is their middle name...

    I do love those books for giving so many interesting talking points!

    Last edited by Tigerle; 10/06/15 12:49 PM.
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    Originally Posted by Tigerle
    Slughorn in some ways embodying the Slytherin house that should have been, before it was twisted beyond recognition by Voldemort.

    Except that Voldemort was the "heir of Salazar Slytherin," and set loose the monster that Slytherin placed in the castle to kill mudbloods, so I'd say Voldemort was exactly who Slytherin had in mind when he formed his own House. Rather, I'd say Slughorn represents a better, more pro-social means of acquiring fame for fame's sake.

    Originally Posted by Tigerle
    I'd say that both Ron and Neville have secret ambitions to distinguish themselves as shown, for instance, when Ron sees himself in the mirror of Erised being head boy and being awarded the house cup, they just feel inept or unworthy a lot of the time, overshadowed by overbearing family.

    Not sure when Neville shows any particular ambition for ambition's sake, but I agree about Ron. It's for him and Percy that I said "most of" when referencing the Weasley clan. Arthur is perfectly happy to perform his bad-paying but personally fascinating Ministry job, where he exhibits an interesting Gryffindor/Ravenclaw duality, with very little Slytherin. The one who goes to study dragons (Charlie?) appears the same.

    Originally Posted by Tigerle
    Dumbledore, of course, was still extremely ambitious at 11 when he was being sorted. He refused the post of minister much later, after being chastened by his experience with Grindelwald.

    There's the whole issue of his seeking and ultimately possessing the Elder Wand, too. There's only one reason to want that.

    Originally Posted by Tigerle
    And I bet Hufflepuffs can be quite scary, depending on whether they are united behind you or against you. I bet no one is ever bullied or excluded in that house though, not like in Gryffindor or Ravenclaw where their fellow housemates can make life very unpleasant for Harry and Luna. We are rarely privy to goings on in Slytherin, but one would imagine bully is their middle name...

    Except that Hufflepuffs joined in the pile-on against Harry when he entered the Tri-wizard Tournament, and may have even instigated the badges. Diggory was, after all, one of theirs. Diggory is even proudly wearing one of the badges, though he does have the good grace to be embarrassed after Harry sees it.

    All of which shows a good example of how far generalizations and stereotypes will take you.

    Originally Posted by Tigerle
    I do love those books for giving so many interesting talking points!

    Ditto!

    And to think, I refused to look at them for a few years because they were marketed as children's books.

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