Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional good things happen, too

We're not playing "shouldas" here. But you shouldn't have to fight and flail behind the scenes to help DS function. He needs to learn the skills to do it without wearing an adult helper into the ground.

Their reasons are bogus. An IEP isn't about how smart the child is; it's about developing academic and functional skills that should be there, but aren't. Here we are talking about functional skills.

Can you talk to the person who manages the program and see if in light of new diagnostic information they can reconsider the probation and work toward teaching him what he needs?

I know you are right, Dee Dee. And maybe I can become more of an activist once I've moved DS through the program. Nothing I've done has been well-received so far, which makes me think that either I'm absolutely HORRIBLE at this, or they are intractable.

He does seem to be making a little progress. I'm doing some kind of unorthodox things (not *that* bad, but things like sending text reminders during the day "don't forget your horn, be sure to stop by Mrs. X class, etc.") Things that aren't perfect but are working a little bit.

He's made a huge leap in terms of: filling out planner (yay!), completing work (yay!), and even turning in some of it without scanning/email.

For second quarter, I'm hiring study skills tutor/after school helper and getting SLP eval (and possible services).

I know it shouldn't be like this but it is...not forever. Once he's out of this MS program there are much more creative options. I think.

Can you document all that you're doing to keep him on track and provide this as evidence that he has a disability that requires an IEP? You shouldn't have to let him fail for the school to see that there is a problem.

Maybe provide a log of one week of your life? That has to have some value, I would think.

We do a lot at home with our 12yo who is on an IEP. Without us to explain assignments to him, he wouldn't be able to do them. But once he understand them, he does fine.

And take care of yourself too. You need to be on your game in order to be the best advocate for your kids. Easier said than done, I know...

Here's the deal: I think I'd have to let him fail and even then they would say they don't have to evaluate him because he isn't placed at grade level. So then I could let him go to regular MS, and let him fail there, too (he would, without medication and all the stuff I do at home). So, realistically, he'd be halfway through his eighth grade year before receiving any services--IF they decided to evaluate him at all. They might not--because MS is at the "social pass" level and his state test scores are high.

I think they have me over a barrel and know it. Even when I push about the 504, the response was, basically--should he really be in this program, then?

See? It's kind of icky.

I can either over function and suffer or allow my son to fail and suffer. Nice, huh?

Honestly, though, this is hella better than last year, at any rate.

Ironically, if you have a kid like mine who displays disruptive behavior in class, you'll get a lot of attention. Not the good kind of attention, but at least they take notice. Your son seems to quietly suffer, which seems to be worse in some ways.

Two different challenges, and two different poor responses from respective schools.

But the 504 / IEP question is completely separate from whether he is gifted. I think they are messing with you in that regard.

He wasn't so quiet last year--even had a suspension (The X-Acto Knife Incident), and was verbally/emotionally abused by one teacher (documented). I guess last year is "off the table" as far as SPED is concerned, even though program coordinator and school counselor both encouraged me to seek neuropsychological testing.

He could go to once a week pull-out for gifted if he was in regular MS. The problem is that it isn't graded and isn't acceleration, which he is evidently capable of (in some respects).

Yes, it's baloney that when he does well he isn't served but if he doesn't, they just want to boot him.

I don't envy the meltdowns, BSM, but you're right that at *least* they will want to do something to help, in that case.

None of this is a lot of fun, but I guess nobody ever said this parenting thing would be, right?

I really don't feel too bad about it any more. I know I've tried to the best of my ability and I'm pretty sure the district isn't doing the right thing. Even if my communication has been clunky.

This isn't that unorthodox. I know many parents who text there kids multiple times a day to remind them of things. Of course that is then what the media labels as 'helicoptering' but in your case it's simply what you need to do to get your child to function.

Thank you for that! I never wanted to hover--so funny, as smart as DS is, I always thought school would be the easy part! I'm sure all the 2E parents understand that.

He's really good right now, comparatively. I guess I'm mostly worn out with being his executive function. But am seeing progress.

We got the same bogus reasons for why DD did not qualify for any services (but at least they did an evaluation--the eval was a piece of crap but at least they went through the motions.) Basically it boiled down to the fact that she was being given advanced work, and you don't give special services to a student who is operating above grade level in terms of reading and math (because that's what the state tests). If she is unfocused or asleep 75 percent of time in class it doesn't matter as long as she can pass the tests. We got out of the toxic place, and current school states they are writing an IEP--I'll believe it when I see it.