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    #223166 - 10/03/15 11:49 AM Re: criticism and emotional intensity [Re: Pinecroft]
    ElizabethN Offline

    Registered: 02/17/12
    Posts: 1390
    Loc: Seattle area
    What I hear you saying, Nyaanyaa, is that by asking, "how can I get my child to accept my criticism and take it on board?", the OP is already headed away from behavior change and useful communication. You would rather that (s)he instead ask, "how can I help my child develop his/her own internal barometer of how to behave in society, including how to react to criticism (from any source) without melting down?"

    Is that right, or have I missed something?

    Incidentally, the "sandwich" doesn't work for squat here, either.

    #223171 - 10/03/15 01:15 PM Re: criticism and emotional intensity [Re: eco21268]
    aeh Offline

    Registered: 04/26/14
    Posts: 3989
    Originally Posted By: eco21268
    Originally Posted By: Nyaanyaa
    The paper contains colorfully mapped models of the brain, so it must be true.

    Best evidence ever, love this.

    Can't find the reference off-hand, but I once saw a study that found that neuroscientists found research more convincing when accompanied by color brain imaging than when imaging was black and white.
    ...pronounced like the long vowel and first letter of the alphabet...

    #223172 - 10/03/15 02:01 PM Re: criticism and emotional intensity [Re: Pinecroft]
    Nyaanyaa Offline

    Registered: 09/25/15
    Posts: 64
    Elizabeth, correct! . . . unless I am missing something myself now that I am half asleep! (Beautiful name, by the way.)

    aeh, exactly!

    #223205 - 10/04/15 10:55 AM Re: criticism and emotional intensity [Re: Pinecroft]
    Nyaanyaa Offline

    Registered: 09/25/15
    Posts: 64
    I just found this HBR article, which recommends using a transparent strategy when giving negative feedback, and points out some more flaws in the sandwich method. I cannot comment on the scientific rigor underlying the article since I have not looked into that.

    The author may have some interest in promoting his book through the article; or he may have an interest in promoting truth through his book; or both. Who can tell anyway?

    I consider it curious and worth taking a deeper look at, at the very least. I hope this is useful to you, Pinecroft! smile

    #223206 - 10/04/15 11:47 AM Re: criticism and emotional intensity [Re: Pinecroft]
    Tigerle Offline

    Registered: 07/29/14
    Posts: 602
    Loc: Europe
    I am a bit overwhelmed with the PEA-NEA model, just wanted to chime in tat I've got a kid,too, that appears to have no middle ground between callous obliviousness and self-immolating meltdown in his response to criticism. Of course the latter makes me feel intensely guilty (possibly part of the point?) and I need to always remind myself strongly that it is HE beating up himself, I did not do it...
    Some stuff,however, I can't let go. It helps.if I have an idea ready for how to make things right again for whomever he suddenly feels he's wronged so badly, and I better know beforehand that I can count on the person to go along (DS2 will, DD won't, for instance, and grow up family members sometimes need to be coached.
    I shall have to think about vision, an playfulness.

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