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    #222022 - 09/08/15 06:56 PM Emotional Control
    Ametrine Offline
    Member

    Registered: 05/27/11
    Posts: 741
    Our DS (8.5) has difficulty controlling his voice and will tear up if he does not understand something nearly immediately. This has been ongoing and although has morphed into "merely" a high-pitched tight-voiced protest, is not resolving in what we think would be average for most kids of his age.

    We've been working on pointing out to him when he's becoming out of control. Telling him he needs to give it a break. Sometimes it will work, but if it's something that he's perceived as being very desirable to understand, he will obsess over his inability to understand what is being said; sometimes bringing it up months later if we don't "work on it" with him.

    I've heard of parents telling their child they are "spinning" when they get in a loop of sorts and can't seem to free themselves to gain a new perspective. Has anyone here a child that does this? Does maturing "cure" them, or is this something we will be working on like therapy?

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    #222033 - 09/08/15 09:56 PM Re: Emotional Control [Re: Ametrine]
    Nautigal Offline
    Member

    Registered: 04/22/09
    Posts: 1032
    DD9 is still in high-pitched, tight-voiced protest mode most of the time. I continually have to remind her to lower her voice from squeaky panic level when not everything in life is a dire emergency. I'm hoping she matures out of it, because the teen years are going to be hell on wheels otherwise.

    DS13 (13 now!) will still tear up when he doesn't understand anything, or, for tonight's example, when it turns out I was right instead of him, in what we were going over for his algebra. Being wrong is instant cloud-mode. To be fair, I had the same problem at his age, and still do sometimes. smile

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    #222043 - 09/09/15 03:10 AM Re: Emotional Control [Re: Ametrine]
    madeinuk Offline
    Member

    Registered: 03/18/13
    Posts: 1453
    Loc: NJ
    For our 10 year old daughter the best thing for her in terms of bucking up was seeing a CBT for a few sessions folowed by a grade skip which lasted a while. More recently, going to a 3 week CTY camp really helped her to bottle things up and discard a lot of outwardly negative or regressive behaviors.

    She come back from that college campus so much more grown up - even to the point of moaning about some of the boys there being sexist ROTFL


    Edited by madeinuk (09/09/15 03:11 AM)
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    #222048 - 09/09/15 05:30 AM Re: Emotional Control [Re: Ametrine]
    chris1234 Offline
    Member

    Registered: 06/27/08
    Posts: 1897
    Per our dr., I am working on some anger management stuff with my child, and one of the main things a person needs to do is identify (themselves) what are the triggers (thoughts, feelings, situations that are commonly problems, etc. ) ...then they themselves can begin to try to catch themselves before it gets bad. For anger management, there's probably few things that work worse than having someone else try to get you to calm down.

    I know what you are describing isn't quite anger, but chagrin, at least, and similar self-control measures may work better than being told by others that they're loosing it... (probably there is a book somewhere for this!)

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    #222053 - 09/09/15 07:16 AM Re: Emotional Control [Re: Ametrine]
    Dude Offline
    Member

    Registered: 10/04/11
    Posts: 2856
    It's worth remembering that these kids experience emotions at a far greater intensity than their average peers, and so controlling them is a far greater effort.

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    #222267 - 09/12/15 04:39 PM Re: Emotional Control [Re: Dude]
    Ametrine Offline
    Member

    Registered: 05/27/11
    Posts: 741
    Originally Posted By: Dude
    It's worth remembering that these kids experience emotions at a far greater intensity than their average peers, and so controlling them is a far greater effort.


    I feel guilty for sometimes becoming impatient with him. I really don't want to add to his plate by making him feel he has displeased me. frown

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    #222269 - 09/12/15 04:45 PM Re: Emotional Control [Re: chris1234]
    Ametrine Offline
    Member

    Registered: 05/27/11
    Posts: 741
    It's more like tenacity of thought. (Gifted, much?)

    He just can't seem to get off the "hamster wheel" of his obsession until he reaches a conclusion that is satisfactory. We've (DH and I) learned that if we don't reach resolution on a subject before bedtime, DS will bring it up again then and will not calm to go to sleep. I'm a bit embarrassed to admit to slipping him a half a Melatonin tablet in dinner when it's REALLY bad.

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    #222272 - 09/12/15 05:19 PM Re: Emotional Control [Re: Ametrine]
    aeh Offline
    Member

    Registered: 04/26/14
    Posts: 3990
    Reminds me of our #2, who used to have intense, lengthy, irrational tantrums, which sometimes resulted in falling asleep from exhaustion. Tantrum over, right? But wait, there's more! At the end of the nap--or even the next morning--the tantrum would pick up right where it left off. Same phenomenon with any dangling issue. They literally could not be put to bed until truly resolved. It really put a new spin on the old "don't let the sun go down on your anger" saying.

    On the plus side, this forced us early on to deal consistently and persistently with learning to manage emotions, rather than being managed by emotions. And, though DC is still a work in progress (aren't we all?), it has really paid off in self-awareness and self-management/de-escalation.
    _________________________
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    #222305 - 09/14/15 09:19 AM Re: Emotional Control [Re: aeh]
    Ametrine Offline
    Member

    Registered: 05/27/11
    Posts: 741
    Originally Posted By: aeh
    ...But wait, there's more! At the end of the nap--or even the next morning--the tantrum would pick up right where it left off. Same phenomenon with any dangling issue. They literally could not be put to bed until truly resolved. It really put a new spin on the old "don't let the sun go down on your anger" saying.



    Yes! This is DS. He will bring things up that happened years ago, even. Forbid we should accidentally touch upon a trigger-word that reminds him of an old "beef" he hasn't yet resolved. I've done a mental kick in my pants for those slip-ups.

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    #222410 - 09/16/15 06:00 AM Re: Emotional Control [Re: Ametrine]
    GailP Offline
    Junior Member

    Registered: 06/21/13
    Posts: 49
    Loc: Pennsylvania
    It sounds a little like an aspect of overexcitabilities. There was a Hoagies blog hop this month on this topic. You might be interested in checking out some of the articles: http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/blog_hop_overexcitabilities.htm

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