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    I was told to keep the powers that be up to date in terms of 504 accommodations/compliance, and so I did--briefly, matter-of-fact, in problem-solving mode:

    In one class, DS' is writing things like "Japanese History" in planner (and getting initials) without any assignment(s) referenced. So I asked teacher for more detail, going forward, and cc'd coordinator as I'd been directed. Of course, received a narrative in reply about how "we are also having problems with the planner, DS isn't getting signatures in class and has to go back during study hall for initials." Which, to my mind, isn't really a problem since that's what the 504 said he's supposed to do, and I'm hoping he'll eventually take notice and get it done beforehand.

    Also, "He is not using his class time," (from coordinator, not teacher) stated as a universal/general fact, even though he currently has very high As in every class except the one where he failed to turn in one assignment (that wasn't written in planner--now scanned/emailed/graded, all is well) and has not had much homework to speak of, in any class.

    I talked to DS and said told him history teacher isn't happy and DS said that it was only one day--

    When pressed, there has apparently been one day where he was talking to a friend excessively and was moved to a different seat. All fine, good. As of last week, all reports were very positive and I only heard the negative when I wrote the email saying I need more info in planner.

    DS said he is fine with having his seat moved, because it is kind of isolated and helps him focus, EXCEPT (big except, in his case)--there is a spider that is near his seat. He swears it is a brown recluse (and described it in much detail) and that when he told the teacher, teacher said "deal with it." I asked if having it there is distracting him, and he said yes, although he claims he and the spider have worked out a kind of Life of Pi relationship, and he says he is only checking every 15 minutes or so to make sure it is still there, and that usually gets him pretty worried for another few minutes, etc.

    DS is phobic of stinging and poisonous insects, spiders, etc.--this is NOT a little thing to him, it's one of his odd obsessions. This is where I say, laugh or cry, because I don't even want to bring up the blasted spider to the teacher at this point, since I've clearly annoyed everyone by bringing up the 504. Frankly, I'm glad he didn't completely freak out because he would at home.

    What should I do?


    Last edited by eco21268; 09/02/15 03:24 PM.
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    Oh dear, that would be very distracting! Can you go into the classroom yourself armed with a can of flyspray and a mini-vac? Or give DS a rolled up newspaper to whack it if he's brave enough?
    I also wouldn't bring it up with the teacher I don't think ...

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    No time to reply really eco, but fwiw, I've found that we see this same type of reaction with our ds' teachers and counselors whenever we try to report something not being followed in the 504/IEP/whatever. Rather than address our question, we get immediate bounce-back re something that is allegedly our ds not living up to something-or-other. Re that - you have to let it not throw you off. Keep the issue that is the true issue at the forefront of *your* communication with the school. If they say other things are going on, ask for details or respond briefly as appropriate, but don't let them use that to get past the actual issue.

    Re the spider - my advice to your ds is to tell all his classmates at once (in a voice that can be heard) "Look! There's a cool spider by my desk that looks like a Brown Recluse!" I'm guessing you'd then have 1/2 the class screaming and running from the classroom, and the other 1/2 jumping up to immediately check out the spider. No one would be listening to the teacher or care what she had to say. That might serve as a life lesson for the teacher that spiders are, in fact, a big deal to most kids your ds' age!

    Best wishes,

    polarbear

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    Originally Posted by AvoCado
    Oh dear, that would be very distracting! Can you go into the classroom yourself armed with a can of flyspray and a mini-vac? Or give DS a rolled up newspaper to whack it if he's brave enough?
    I also wouldn't bring it up with the teacher I don't think ...
    LOL! I guess I will just have to go in there in Hazmat suit tomorrow (I am scared of brown recluses, too). No way would DS do that--this is a longstanding fear of his.
    Originally Posted by polarbear
    No time to reply really eco, but fwiw, I've found that we see this same type of reaction with our ds' teachers and counselors whenever we try to report something not being followed in the 504/IEP/whatever. Rather than address our question, we get immediate bounce-back re something that is allegedly our ds not living up to something-or-other. Re that - you have to let it not throw you off. Keep the issue that is the true issue at the forefront of *your* communication with the school. If they say other things are going on, ask for details or respond briefly as appropriate, but don't let them use that to get past the actual issue.
    I think I handled it okay--I asked for specifics and teacher agreed to make sure his planner is more detailed. I just don't like the tone, but can deal with that part. If he's not supposed to do what's in his 504, why was that accommodation made? Thanks for good advice.

    Originally Posted by polarbear
    Re the spider - my advice to your ds is to tell all his classmates at once (in a voice that can be heard) "Look! There's a cool spider by my desk that looks like a Brown Recluse!" I'm guessing you'd then have 1/2 the class screaming and running from the classroom, and the other 1/2 jumping up to immediately check out the spider. No one would be listening to the teacher or care what she had to say. That might serve as a life lesson for the teacher that spiders are, in fact, a big deal to most kids your ds' age!
    I wouldn't be surprised if he did something kind of like that, already. Thing is--for DS, he might use humor/distraction to cope. This never, ever ends well. I know he is actually pretty fried out by having the spider in his orbit--both his grandmother and aunt have had brown recluse bites, and they are really pretty serious. Don't know if this really is one (but DS swears that he shines the flashlight on it with his cell phone and it recedes into its shadowy corner--ha ha!) I guess I'll just go in tomorrow and kill the stupid thing.

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    Our schools have facilities managers...not an administrator....but head maintanence person (may also be known as a head custodian) who does everything from light repairs to managing the custodial staff...to moving stuff to fire ants and bee control. That is the person I would contact. I would explain the situation to that person and then if he or she kills it (remember one brown recluse could lead to an infestation of a million brown recluses.) I would do something nice (cookies and a nice note maybe).

    Last edited by Cookie; 09/02/15 06:09 PM. Reason: System thought a flying insect that starts with a w is an inappropriate word
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    DS8 has a gum chewing aversion. If anyone even looks like they MIGHT be chewing gum, he becomes obsessed with the person, might even ask them what's in their mouth and want to check in their mouth. He gets so upset that a couple times I've had to email teachers and ask that he be put away from gum chewing kids. I probably come across as a major helicopter parent. Unfortunately, there is nothing in his IEP about it (and the gum-chewers have it as an accommodation in their own IEP) so I have to keep re-visiting the issue with individual teachers.

    As for the 504--this is why I don't like 504's. It seems like it's up to the parent to monitor compliance, then everyone gets up in arms about it.

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    Originally Posted by Cookie
    Our schools have facilities managers...not an administrator....but head maintanence person (may also be known as a head custodian) who does everything from light repairs to managing the custodial staff...to moving stuff to fire ants and bee control. That is the person I would contact. I would explain the situation to that person and then if he or she kills it (remember one brown recluse could lead to an infestation of a million brown recluses.) I would do something nice (cookies and a nice note maybe).
    I have a strong feeling this would be poorly received by DS' gifted program (mostly based on the fact that everything I do seems to be poorly received). I think the well is poisoned--at this point all I can do is stay calm and problem solve. I don't think DS is terrified, thank goodness, it's more like a low-level disturbance. He's made a lot of progress managing anxiety. I do think that his likely coping mechanism is reminding himself over and over that BR spiders are reclusive and not aggressive (hence the name) and that is not productive in study hall. smirk

    He said he did try the "There is a brown recluse spider" tactic in class and none of his other classmates seemed to be concerned. They aren't the ones sitting by it, though.
    Originally Posted by blackcat
    As for the 504--this is why I don't like 504's. It seems like it's up to the parent to monitor compliance, then everyone gets up in arms about it.
    I agree. In the meeting, when I asked for very specific language to be added to the accommodations, it felt as if I'd grown a second head, gauging the reactions. I don't really think it should be my job to monitor this. The fact is, if everyone is acting in good faith (me, DS, teachers, administration), the accommodations are very low-level and DS will succeed and progress.

    Still, he needs an IEP and he needs some help in school from someone who knows how to help. There is only so much I can do from home, although DS does seem quite open now to understanding situations and we are talking through them. I think the positive comments I've shared with him are helping him open up a little (to the dx, to receiving some support), even though he would likely deny that.

    I'm not sure why they expected that his EF issues (well-documented and communicated) would be solved in one week. I explained to DS that the teacher seems to be irritated by the planner issue--DS said, that's reasonable and fair, but that it's hard for him to recognize the teacher's irritation because this particular teacher has a very inscrutable demeanor. I reassured DS this is a skill we are trying to build and he is already improving, and not to get down on himself.

    I do think things are going a lot better, all the way around, and am trying to focus my attention on the many positive comments I've received instead of this one negative report. Still, it hurts--my armor has some chinks.


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    UPDATE: back-to-school night, DS showed me the spider. LOL

    A) It is literally a few inches from his right arm, on a window sill, his desk is banked next to the wall.

    B) It is not a brown recluse, but a happy little jumpy spider--he begged me not to kill it and of course I wouldn't. (He is only afraid of things that can hurt him.)

    He just needed reassurance. Why is all of this so difficult for adults to understand? It took 20 seconds--problem solved. I wish teachers could understand him better and realize that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure...I know that his communication problems interfere.

    Last edited by eco21268; 09/04/15 03:55 AM.

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