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    Joined: Feb 2013
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    Hi folks. I Have not been around for a while, but I'd like to drop in with a question or two and would appreciate any feedback.

    My 12yo son is in a program for exceptionally gifted kids in our public school. He is also diagnosed with ASD, anxiety, perfectionism, and self-esteem issues. He often (1-2 times per week) has outbursts in class and refuses to do some in-class assignments. He always has managed get the work done eventually and most teachers are accommodating.

    He is on an IEP for these issues.

    This week, he had an language arts assignment that triggered his anxiety. However, to his credit, he stayed calm in class, paid attention, and just did not do it. When my wife and I tried to get him to do it, he fell apart and had an emotional breakdown. Usually we can find some way to motivate him if he is just being difficult, but this time around there was no deal.

    The assignment requires that he pick six people he knows and writes about them, then pick one of which will be the topic of a fictional story. These sorts of assignments have been trouble in the past, as he is "embarrassed" about sharing his feelings regarding people, even if he can fictionalize the individuals. We tried a number of tactics, such as reassuring him that only his teacher would read the assignment, but no go.

    I did however insist that he write something. So he decided to research and write a paper on octopi. He spent over an hour researching and another 1.5 hours writing, all yesterday. I suggested that he take breaks, but he was so excited that he would not. I'll admit some bias, but I think he cranked out a very nice 1 1/2 page (single spaced) paper on octopi. His organization, sentence structure, and word choice were are beyond what I'd expect from a 12yo.

    So I emailed his teacher, told her the situation, and asked for an accommodation or replacement assignment. I am taking the position that any writing is better than no writing, that he should not be forced to suffer emotionally to do an assignment, and that his issue is not an unwillingness to work. Instead, he is prevented by his disability from doing this particular assignment.

    We've had issues like this off and on for 4-5 years now and at this point, I think the school needs find an alternative curriculum for him, even if it is just for this unit. I view his staying calm in class to be a big win, and I am ready to stand firm on this.

    Any comments or suggestions will be much appreciated.

    Thanks for listening.

    Mike

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    Originally Posted by BSM
    The assignment requires that he pick six people he knows and writes about them, then pick one of which will be the topic of a fictional story. These sorts of assignments have been trouble in the past, as he is "embarrassed" about sharing his feelings regarding people, even if he can fictionalize the individuals. We tried a number of tactics, such as reassuring him that only his teacher would read the assignment, but no go.
    Are you sure it's embarrassment about his feelings, or his inability to understand, interpret, and express his thoughts in this sort of assignment?

    Did the assignment give explicit, concrete examples of what type of information he was to include about his six people?

    My DS12 (ASD) has a lot of trouble with this sort of thing, also. He tends to shut down and refuse to do it, also, or gives very minimal, concrete answers that appear to be refusal.

    With the last (similar) assignment--I helped him by working with him to deconstruct the directions, gave him feedback about what the teacher most likely expected to see, and typed it for him. A little overboard, probably, but it really helped me understand what was going on in his head. He really didn't get it--it wasn't refusal per se, but inability and frustration.

    It might be more useful for your DS to have some help working through this sort of thing instead of allowing him to avoid it altogether. I'm not sure about that part--but I am sure that our program would not be on board with allowing DS to skip assignments where he struggles. It sounds like your DS might need extra instruction and help with this kind of thing, but there could be some useful learning and information to be gained by working through it.


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    Thanks. We have taken that approach in the past and it has worked quite well for us. And he often does misunderstand the scope and goals of assignments, especially when they are not clear.

    But that does not seem to be the case here. He understands what he has to do, but cannot bring himself to do it.

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    Howler's daughter has used a method she calls the Jane Goodall approach. Maybe you can have your son research her and then see that he can pretend to be Jane Goodall but instead of studying chimpanzees he is scientifically studying humans whenever he has an assignment like that. Maybe see could explain it more.

    I feel for you....my son has ASD and occasionally has problems with assignments that mess with his rigid thinking (but only two last year....so we are down from weekly in 4th grade to two of total in 9th grade.)

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    Is he able to articulate which piece is causing the anxiety? Is that what you meant when you said he's embarrassed to share his feelings about people? Is the assignment all emotions based, or would "scientific observations" work, too?

    Originally Posted by Cookie
    Howler's daughter has used a method she calls the Jane Goodall approach. Maybe you can have your son research her and then see that he can pretend to be Jane Goodall but instead of studying chimpanzees he is scientifically studying humans whenever he has an assignment like that. Maybe see could explain it more.
    I love the Jane Goodall analogy--and I've seen it frequently ascribed to girls/women on the autism spectrum. Cookie, does your son show an interest in other people's social behaviors? Mine doesn't, really. He is pretty black and white in his thinking. I imagine in a similar assignment, we would have similar results. I'm not even sure my DS could choose six people to discuss.

    There's a thought: instead of completely ix'naying the assignment, do you think the teacher would modify it (allow DS to choose just one person, for instance)?

    I totally understand this is not a work ethic issue, and that you are making sure your DS writes something, so that is clear to everyone. For my DS, I'd want him to be able to do *something* responsive to the assignment, even if it was imperfect, limited, or immature. I'm sure that is debatable. Much like one might argue that a child with dyspraxia shouldn't be required to use handwriting, since it interferes with learning...

    Are you suggesting (to the teacher) that the anxiety is the disability you're accommodating, or the ASD? I realize that is a complicated question. I think the most current thinking about anxiety is that triggers shouldn't be avoided, but (slowly) confronted, through desensitization. Maybe there is a compromise somewhere--where your DS writes the octopi research as you've stated, but also makes an attempt at "personifying" an octopus and making a shorter response to the original assignment, using the octopus as his "person." <---I know that sounds a little absurd, but that's the sort of thing I might do, as a teacher.

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    You've received excellent advice above already - I'll just add one question: Do you think that the trigger on this assignment is due to having to start with 6 people he *knows*? I think that one thing I might have tried, to keep the assignment somewhat close to the original, is to have him try to either start with a brief biography of someone who is a real person but also someone who's completely removed from any association with your ds - perhaps a famous author or figure from history or a marine scientist etc - pick someone that is associated with a *subject* your ds is interested in, someone that he can find some brief biographical info on. Have him write up a short bio on that person, then have him fictionalize a story about that person. If he has trouble with parts of this assignment, scaffold it for him and try to get him through it - that way you've basically covered the intent of the original assignment, build a fictional story from a real-life story.

    Best wishes,

    polarbear

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    Your DS has my sympathy. I can see how this would be a difficult assignment for a variety of reasons.

    I understand the sentiment "something is better than nothing." However, the report your DS produced seems fairly far from the purpose of the assignment. Understanding how an author develops a character by drawing on real world inspiration is a worthy exploration. It might be valuable for your DS to answer questions such as, "What would this person think/say/do in this situation?" but I can also see how difficult this might be for someone on the spectrum.

    I guess my point is to ask the teacher about the purpose of this assignment & use this information when suggesting a suitable substitute, if necessary. Good luck!

    Last edited by KathrynH; 08/30/15 02:11 PM.
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    I love the Jane Goodall analogy--and I've seen it frequently ascribed to girls/women on the autism spectrum. Cookie, does your son show an interest in other people's social behaviors? Mine doesn't, really. He is pretty black and white in his thinking. I imagine in a similar assignment, we would have similar results. .....

    Hmmmm, sometimes he mentions people's social behavior because he can't understand why the heck they would do that. He can't imagine what they were thinking that would lead to that behavior. But not on a constant mode, just when some behavior is confusing to him.

    And that assignment would have flustered my son and we would have to help him break it down into manageable chunks...I think after completing one person with help then he would be fine with the second through sixth. He can do stuff like this as long as he is guided through an example and as long as he doesn't panic. Once the anxiety hits defcon 2 or 1, forget it. That is when we have to do a reset, get extended time, conference or email with the teacher.

    The anxiety goes so much hand in hand with the lack of theory of mind/social deficits/black and white thinking. And think about it if you suddenly were hit on the head and had brain damage that basically made you autistic, the world would be a scarey place and you would be anxious.

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    A quick update.

    After quite a struggle, I think we found the root cause of his difficulty. He does not like sharing his opinions or personal information with people outside of the immediate family. He had a bad experience a couple of years ago where he wrote a story that was "published" so that other kids could read it. At the time, he was fine with that, but now he looks back on is writing as immature and not reflecting him as he is today. Thus, the anxiety / self-esteem issues with writing about people.

    We were able to find out that his major problem is the permanence of his writing. He does not want his opinions or views about other individuals "out there" for people to discover. He believes that he becomes a new person every year, and his older writings will undermine that notion if they continue to exist. We suggested that he provide an oral report for this assignment, but even that is too much - he does not want people to even remember his representation of other individuals.

    The teacher emailed us with some suggestions of applying the descriptive qualities of the assignment to octopi, which may work. Unfortunately, he has been having a rough weekend emotionally, so we may choose not to introduce this idea today.

    Thanks everyone for the input. We're at the "tried that, doesn't work" stage with so many strategies at this point, and as I'm sure you all know, kids like this are moving targets. As for tonight I just hope we all can sleep well.


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    Been there done that.

    Finally got my DS16 a 504 last year because he has very similar problems with writing. Sixth grade was very difficult and I attribute some of his behavior to immaturity and puberty. Writing assignments like you describe were very very hard for him and still sometimes stymy him. In DS's 6th grade gifted class they had to write one page on 3 prompts weekly. (First draft hand written) It was free choice from a about 10-12 different prompts each week. It shouldn't have been difficult the teacher was just trying to get them writing from a prompt. This piece of homework either took forever or caused a huge anxiety attack and meltdown. Part the way through the year the teacher told us he only needed to do one a week. I'm fairly sure DS just stopped turning them in at all because I decided his mental health was more important and stopped supervising that assignment. It's wasn't going to keep him from moving to 7th grade.

    What have I done? Well things got bad enough that year that I took DS to a psychologist. In addition I put him in social skills class as he was also having major social problems that year. He was having some meltdowns in class & the other kids didn't take kindly to this. Junior high things got better and by 8th grade he had no helped and was getting A's on English & SS assignments. He went downhill again in freshman year of H.S. Some of the variability is I think due to teacher fit and others curriculum. At that time I finally got DS tested and set up a 504 for him beginning of last year. Turns out DS while gifted, has low working memory and processing speed and looking back on it it's been tripping him up for years. He currently still see's a psychologist for his anxiety/depression/motivation issues. I have also tried to get him to work with a writing specialist but I have had bad luck finding someone who worked out in the long run.

    Writing that is personal or wants him to tell about his "favorite" situation is still very hard for him. It's frustrating because when it's a topic he is comfortable writing about he writes very well, quickly and effortlessly. But this problem has kept him out of the top level English classes at the high school and school keeps wanting to put him in remedial writing classes which are a bore. Honestly it's a battle and I've tried various things over the years. Many times re-framing the question/prompt works wonders. One of the line items in his 504 is that he can request an alternative prompt. Although I'm trying to get him to do that by himself.

    Maturity and confidence have also helped a lot. He hasn't had fits about this since 7th grade but he still has times where he just doesn't write anything.

    Good Luck. Your son is NOT alone in this. One thing I've learned is PICK YOUR BATTLES.

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