Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional need help covering (another) base

Thank you, DeeDee. I really am going to make my own homespun IEP (goals for DS at home, and measure them) so that I can keep his progress in mind.

He is being much more cooperative, in terms of homework, this year--and yesterday I showed him how to do the scanning. It was much faster for him than it is for me: no surprise there! I still think I have to do some of it during the school week. He is really sluggish after school. I think it exhausts him just keeping himself together during the day.

I am proud of him. The dx has him anxious and upset but he is being generally pleasant and not too resistant to my direction.This is good advice, thank you! I have done my best not to offend everyone but I'm not sure I've succeeded. One problem is email. It's how I'm supposed to communicate but I struggle with it. When I'm all factual, it seems "rude," but when I try to include more subjective info (i.e. "I know this is frustrating") that isn't well received, either.

I do think DS is beginning to buy-in a little but he absolutely HATES the planner--and it is a really important piece of this. He is able to explain what's happening in the classes that are run like clockwork (even with minimal info in planner), but the less structured ones send him into spaced-out orbit, and he either chooses not to explain or is unable. I vacillate between the two conceptualizations. Sometimes he seems unable and sometimes it's unwilling. Unwilling irritates me to no end.

I am also trying to learn all I can about ASD and am in obsessed mode, which is not really helping with (any of our) functioning. It's hard to figure out how to balance everything when I am so worried about him.

Another update: DS and I met with history teacher yesterday to discuss classroom procedures and planner use.

Here is what I observed:

--DS has absolutely no clue which information on the board is relevant to write in his planner.

--The way the teacher writes on the board is difficult to decipher (it's not labeled and is in shorthand, requires making inferences)

--DS behaves like a creature I've never encountered in these situations. He seems extremely wary/guarded and gives non-responsive answers to my questions.

--It was clear to me the teacher wasn't sure exactly what I was doing there (LOL). I told him I wanted to go over classroom expectations so I could review them with DS and reinforce.

--I did my best to advocate by explaining to teacher that it would be very helpful to check for understanding by asking DS to explain/show that he understands, because DS will not ask for help and will say he understands things when he doesn't.

--I also explained that DS is always a few steps behind and to expect that he will not respond as quickly to "pack up your backpack" or "take out your worksheets" as other kids do, and that this is not defiance, but a disconnect.

--I asked the teacher where students are to turn in completed work and his system is for the kids to hand it directly to him. I told DS he should hand in everything (at least for now) because if it's non-graded, there's no harm. I am wondering if DS is a little intimidated by this teacher and it makes him anxious to approach him directly like this.

Any thoughts?

I'm just going to post a little bit here to say that I am having some simialr issues with my DD, also in middle school, who is undiagnosed but kind of ASD/ADHDish. I had some lightbulbs going off because like your son, she is having more trouble in classes with less structure and organization (she has like a 105% in math right now--that teacher has a very defined system!) We are also having issues with not turning things in because there is not a defined time or place for turning in. I think in elementary this was always announced and there was a place where it always went.

I can't decide whether to laugh or cry on this one:

DS missed classes Thursday and so I asked one teacher to please check and make sure DS put a large project in his backpack to bring home and work on over the weekend. DS will lose it if it's not in the backpack--it needed to be rolled, rubber-banded, and packed.

(It's in 504 that teachers check at end of class to make sure he has materials needed--but usually this isn't necessary.)

DS came home yesterday and I asked him about the project. Yes, he brought it home. Finished. He could have turned it in, but since I asked teacher to make sure he brought it home--he brought it home.

Seriously? Now I'm beginning to think the teacher, DS and I are ALL apples/trees. Could we be more literal? I had explained that DS thought his project was complete, but if it wasn't, he would work on it over the weekend.

This is going to be (another) long year. Sigh.

Same experience here. After he got our IEP, the school personnel seemed to lose their ability to think outside the box and instead followed the IEP to the letter even when a strategy wasn't working. I had to call the principal a couple of times to get them to stop doing things that increased DS's anxiety.

One of my biggest issue with staff and teachers (who in general are hard working and underappreciated) is that so many of them don't problem-solve. Instead, they stick to the rules, even arbitrary ones, and punish kids who do not or cannot follow them. This often creates more problems than it solves.

Did the teacher show any sign of understanding or willingness to accommodate?

Just a note: once the accommodations are in the IEP/504, teachers and other school staff are legally obligated to make them available/implement them. If they don't, not only does the school have liability, the teachers have personal liability. Some of the teachers who are aware of this fear that not sticking to the letter of the IEP will come back to bite them (e.g., if it becomes a he said/she said about whether the accommodations were not implemented by the choice of the student/family, or because the teacher failed to offer them).

An IEP service delivery example of this is counseling services for adolescents. We often write counseling in as a consult service, or a low-frequency check-in, rather than weekly pull-out/direct service, for older adolescents with moderate emotional needs, so that the counselor and student have mutually-agreed on discretion to ease off on sessions depending on need and personal development. This allows for greater autonomy and self-advocacy on the part of the student, and recognizes that some children find it stigmatizing to be pulled out constantly, even when they are doing well. Of course, all students are allowed access to school counselors and psychologists, if they need it, so this doesn't prevent more frequent counseling sessions.

Accommodations can be written to emphasize ensuring access to supports, rather than requiring them. Depending on your relationship with the school, this is sometimes undesirable, as it's harder to measure access than implementation. But that would be one way to reassure teachers that they won't be chastised because the student chooses not to use a particular accommodation.

Our district has stopped allowing this kind of flexibility. One does have to be very careful of how IEP materials are worded.

We haven't had a problem with following 504 (kind of the opposite, in fact) but I agree with the problem-solving comment.

I couldn't tell one way or the other. Both teacher and DS were pretty quiet. Since DS brought home his completed project (ugh), my guess is the teacher didn't understand what I meant about checking for understanding. To be fair, this is a strange problem. Why on earth would DS bring home a completed project? I think it didn't occur to the teacher to ask him if he was finished with it, because most kids would say that if the teacher told them to take it home to finish. Maybe I should have sent bullet points--1) Please ask DS if he is finished and 2) If he isn't, please make sure he packs the project to complete at home.

I've never asked the teachers to check that he has materials to bring home, but it *is* in the 504, so I thought it would be okay to send a reminder when DS had missed class the day before. I have the sense this teacher will follow the 504 but will not do anything else that is "extra." I don't know that with any certainty, though, and the meeting was kind of a flop.

I did this in our meeting last week. I asked DS to look at the board, and explain what he would write in his planner. DS' response was: "all of it." It was clear he has no idea--there was a lot of info on the board he wouldn't need. I tried to explain that what needs to be recorded is information that will help him understand specifics of the assignment if he can't remember, but it was like I was speaking a foreign language.

Since the teacher didn't volunteer much, I don't know if he noticed what I was trying to explain.

This is just a vent: but for crying out loud!

Yesterday was homework day. DS brought home completed project so didn't need to work on it...

But he failed to bring home his textbook to do a written assignment that is due today. I had asked the teacher to have him pack the textbook, also.

DS said he didn't need the textbook because his project was completed. Somehow, he missed the part that he had a further assignment he needed to do.

I decided to think this is funny but it is actually very frustrating.