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This is not a gifted-only issue, but I�m hoping I can find some advice here.

My DS5 has been in a natural disaster phase for a while. Being that we live in California, he's particularly obsessed with earthquakes and tsunamis. Unfortunately, he especially likes to talk about these things just before falling asleep, so I find myself talking it down more than I normally would. He reads the book �3D Earth� (his favorite!) a lot, so he knows historical data and about the ring of fire, etc. But I feel that he wants me to say that �the big one� isn�t going to happen anytime soon. I simply say, in a calm voice, that we don�t know, but that our city is reasonably prepared to handle it. Etc. etc.

[On the upside, we did have an earthquake last week that woke my husband and I up, but not him. When I told him about it in the morning (cautiously), he seemed more interested in the fact that it didn�t wake him up than the fact that there was an earthquake.]

Also, we�re visiting my family in Michigan next week, and in order to get him to go, he needed to be reassured that tornadoes were not going to happen in August. I said they were most common in the fall. I lied! And I feel crummy about it. But, I�d also like to see my family and I can pretty much guarantee that no tornado is going to touch down in my mom�s yard during our visit.

I'm not sure how to help him cope with unpredictable disasters without lying. Any ideas welcomed. As a side note, he is a super happy, silly kid, otherwise.

Ok I have a little experience here😬.

We have found that talking during the day about the mechanics of natural disasters and giving kids a concrete plan of what to do in an emergency helps. Also talking about the engineering sid of things helps. Obviously you can't guarantee safety and hopefully it will never be an issue but I think some kids just want to know that yes it is scary but the adults in their life have got it sorted. There are a lot of child friendly resources out the about earthquakes in particular if you preface Christchurch into your google search.

I'll second Mahagogo's advice. Do you have an emergency plan at home (for earthquakes)? If so, if you think it might help, share the plan with your ds (if you don't have a plan, you could come up with one - have your ds help you gather an emergency kit, talk about how you can use the water in your water heater if water supply is temporarily disrupted, stock up on some non-perishable-type food supplies that will last just in case, find a spot to store flashlights etc.

Re tsunamis, unless you are in a very low-lying area within a few miles of the coast, I would reassure your ds that the likelihood of a tsunami is very very VERY low (both due to the set of circumstances required to generate a tsunami and your geographic location if you are on high ground or a distance away from the coast). You can also let him know what your tsunami plan is (drive away) - and let him know that there is a national tsunami warning system in place, so you'll most likely have advance warning (unlike the devastating tsunami in Thailand a few years ago where there was no warning system in place). You can also let him know that historically, we're not aware of any devastating tsunamis hitting California/Oregon/Washington.

I'd also let your ds know that scientists can't accurately predict earthquakes. We keep trying, and our knowledge keeps growing so that our predictions gain reliability, but the reality is - we don't know when or if the "big one" will hit LA or SF or wherever. You can let your ds know that the small earthquakes you feel are the earth releasing pressure along stressed fault lines which means in some cases a fault system is less likely to implode into a large earthquake (pressure released gradually over time instead of building up and exploding all at once).

Gotta run - I probably have more thoughts! Will be back later if I think of anything else

polarbear

Agree with Maha and Polar. We tend to "look for the helpers and solutions" whenever possible, and we use statistics to assess risk in a realistic way.

Many kids who worry about disasters have some underlying anxiety-- worthwhile to have a broader look to see if it's just this issue, or broader.

Just also wondering if the concern is coming from an external source, we have to work very hard to shield the kids from adults who are not very good at masking their feelings around children, not sure if it's relevant to you but we are also aware of visual triggers, maybe there are some in your area that ds is paying a lot of attention to.

Just another quick thought - he might be worried about what would happen if a natural disaster occurred and he wasn't with you (at school or at a friend's house etc). It might help to review with him how his school (if he's in school) keeps an emergency contact card on file, has a plan for what will happen in the event of an earthquake (schools here have children keep an emergency "kit" at school - gallon-size ziplock bag with emergency blanket, snack and comfort item), etc. Also for an earthquake you could go through with him the simple things you should do at home for shelter when an earthquake occurs - duck under a table or a doorway and wait for the shaking to stop.

You could also have him help you go through his room and make sure things like shelves, dressers etc are secured.

And one other thought - I think that it's tough for kids who are your ds' age to really grasp probability - so what may seem like a low enough risk to us as adults that we simply don't worry about it, might seem a lot more likely to happen to a child. You might do something like draw a timeline or pie chart or something that you could use to show him how *unlikely* a large earthquake is. You could also look at the USGS earthquake site online where there are maps of recent earthquakes around the world plotted by region and magnitude (size/color of dots on the map). Don't show him the website if you think it will be scary for him, but it might be a way to reassure him by showing him that earthquakes are literally happening almost all the time (and no one is getting hurt), yet big earthquakes are very rare.

polarbear

When DD went through a phase with this, we came to realize that she felt SHE needed to worry about this and prepare/be responsible. This scared her and she was feeling like she needed to be "in charge" of disaster planning (are we safe now? Do we need to...?) We assured her that WE WERE ON IT (we live in a state prone to some disasters) and she did NOT have to worry about it. It was NOT her job or responsibility. Rather than exhaustively discussing it, I reminded her that we knew more than she did and had done our research and prepared. I think that sometimes bright children are not totally confident that adults know what they're doing. I can remember this feeling myself. When we treate them as equals and say, "Well, but you can do this, and here is what we know, and let me tell you about this method to handle it," that may not be that helpful. It can be a relief to them to be told that we have this under control. I don't guarantee this will work, but try it.

After reading all of your thoughtful advice, I realize he’s mostly ingesting details about the *aftermath*/destruction of these events, either through books or the newspaper we have delivered daily. Today when I left him at his preschool for summer camp, he was curled up on the couch reading “Hurricane & Tornado,” which his teacher apparently just checked out from the library. He loves looking at the USGS site, but focuses more on the locations of active volcanoes, etc.

I can counter that with talks about readiness in our area and in our own home, find some good sites about earthquake engineering methods and current science around prediction, warning systems, etc.

Thinking about his questions from two nights ago, they were all about preparedness... "What if you're in a car when a tornado touches down?" "How do they know when a tornado is going to form?" (Frankly, I didn't remember what you're supposed to do if you're in a car, so it was time for a safety refresher.

We live across the street from the ocean, but we do know our escape route, thanks to prominent signage. Our city also does an emergency broadcast test once a week, so these are good starting points to talk about how we as a society are figuring this out. We’ve come a long way from Pompeii!

I think the “we got this, kid" approach might work with him, coupled with some evidence of that. That said, there are things he has to know to do in certain situations, and while the school has done drills with the kids, we’ve never discussed it at home (blush).

Thank you again!

Ah so you are in a situation which could be vulnerable - I would look at writing down with him all the poss scenarios he worries that could happen and list your plan for each one.
Even if you don't have a plan come up with one with him or make one up if it's not pg - ie my dd knows that if there's an earthquake at school and no one comes for her because the roads are out, that the school has a plan and someone will get her. She doesn't need to know her parents have a "in case you are killed in a collapsed building plan" for her collection. Of course if she ever asks, who picks me up if you are trapped we'll let her know we have a plan. Sadly we know of a few families that this was a reality for so its on our radar.

Most tornadoes are EF0 - which cause damage and are dangerous, but will not slab a house or sling cars around.