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    This is aimed toward teachers (and trying to explain why public behavioral systems are bad for kids with trauma history), but I think it is informative for any adult interacting with any child with self-regulation and comorbid anxiety issues:

    (It's kinda dumbed down--but that's part of its appeal, I think.)

    https://gobbelcounseling.files.word...proach-to-behaviors-in-the-classroom.pdf

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    If anyone reads this--I have an idea to toss around. I know w DS, a lot of his school behaviors have been difficult to wrap my mind around because we simply do not see them at home (or not through the same lens of school personnel).

    Do you believe there is such thing as "school trauma?" This caught my attention:

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    Behavior Charts Trigger Shame
    One of the important outcomes of the attachment cycle being repeatedly met is the child’s belief that they are good. Children who have had this cycle met develop an understanding of the difference between “I am bad” and “I did something bad.” Children whose attachment cycles were not repeatedly met develop a sense of shame- the belief that “I’m a bad kid” or “I don’t deserve love.” These children are NOT able to distinguish the difference between “I am bad” and “I did something bad.” For children with secure attachment, getting lowered down to yellow level, or not earning a sticker, might leave them thinking “Oops. My behavior was not good. I will try harder next time. Even though my behavior was bad, I’m still a good kid.” Children with a history of harm who have developed a sense of shame about themselves believe “I’m BAD!” when they don’t earn a sticker or when their color is moved to yellow or red. Shame is such an intolerable state for children with a history of harm, and it signals to the brain that more danger is coming, that fight/flight/freeze will be triggered.
    ------

    I've observed that DS performs much better for teachers (in any venue--sports, music, etc.) who are warm and affirming by nature. I'm an attachment-styled parent.

    I see kids in counseling all the time (usually w trauma, ADHD, LDs, etc.) who have internalized this "Bad Kid" thing. The way it's explained here resonates. If the pre-frontal cortex is hijacked by the limbic system and/or delayed in development...it makes sense to me that the appropriate pro-social behaviors aren't accessible under stress.

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    An excellent resource on meeting the needs of trauma-reactive children is the series of manuals and trainings from www.traumasensitiveschools.org.


    ...pronounced like the long vowel and first letter of the alphabet...
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    Originally Posted by eco21268
    Behavior Charts Trigger Shame
    One of the important outcomes of the attachment cycle being repeatedly met is the child’s belief that they are good. Children who have had this cycle met develop an understanding of the difference between “I am bad” and “I did something bad.” Children whose attachment cycles were not repeatedly met develop a sense of shame- the belief that “I’m a bad kid” or “I don’t deserve love.” These children are NOT able to distinguish the difference between “I am bad” and “I did something bad.”

    My DD10 would appear to disprove this notion, as she exhibits the negative behavior above, and there are most definitely no attachment issues.

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    Originally Posted by Dude
    My DD10 would appear to disprove this notion, as she exhibits the negative behavior above, and there are most definitely no attachment issues.

    I was wondering if this pattern can also be attributed to anxiety, or ADHD, EF issues and/or developmental delay.

    I don't believe my son has any attachment issues with me, either. But he has definitely internalized the Bad Kid, but *only* in school setting, and seems completely dependent upon environment. In fact, the first time we sought professional help was when he was in a really bad educational setting in second-grade, and (among other obsessive worries) began telling me he was going to "be in jail, because I'm a bad kid."


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    Originally Posted by aeh
    An excellent resource on meeting the needs of trauma-reactive children is the series of manuals and trainings from www.traumasensitiveschools.org.
    Thank you, this looks really good.

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    After reading this, I find many connections between what is described in the article and what gifted children may experience in the classroom, including no adult to help them. These kids may be made to feel guilty for being ahead of others, and/or be shamed for not being ahead of all students at all times in all areas. Additionally they may often be called on to be "the helpers" for other children in the classroom (although no one helps them).

    Some may say that is possible for a child with no other rejection/abuse/trauma/attachment issues to develop issues just from the experience of being neglected in the classroom.

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    Originally Posted by eco21268
    Originally Posted by Dude
    My DD10 would appear to disprove this notion, as she exhibits the negative behavior above, and there are most definitely no attachment issues.

    I was wondering if this pattern can also be attributed to anxiety, or ADHD, EF issues and/or developmental delay.

    In my DD10's case, anxiety would be the only one that applies. And boy, does it.

    But then we're in a chicken-and-egg situation... is she engaging in this type of thinking because of anxiety, or is she experiencing anxiety because she's trapped in this type of thinking?

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    Originally Posted by indigo
    After reading this, I find many connections between what is described in the article and what gifted children may experience in the classroom, including no adult to help them. These kids may be made to feel guilty for being ahead of others, and/or be shamed for not being ahead of all students at all times in all areas. Additionally they may often be called on to be "the helpers" for other children in the classroom (although no one helps them).

    Some may say that is possible for a child with no other rejection/abuse/trauma/attachment issues to develop issues just from the experience of being neglected in the classroom.
    Totally agree, educational neglect (or worse, abuse) could cause same types of behaviors, stemming from the anxiety a poor environmental fit causes.
    Originally Posted by Dude
    Originally Posted by eco21268
    Originally Posted by Dude
    My DD10 would appear to disprove this notion, as she exhibits the negative behavior above, and there are most definitely no attachment issues.

    I was wondering if this pattern can also be attributed to anxiety, or ADHD, EF issues and/or developmental delay.

    In my DD10's case, anxiety would be the only one that applies. And boy, does it.

    But then we're in a chicken-and-egg situation... is she engaging in this type of thinking because of anxiety, or is she experiencing anxiety because she's trapped in this type of thinking?
    That is a hard thing to tease out, isn't it? I am (relatively--ha!) certain some people are just hard-wired for anxiety, it's co-morbid with so many other issues, and some babies even are much more sensitive, high-needs than others.

    What I like about this idea/approach (viewing behavioral presentations as symptoms of poor self-regulation), is that it doesn't matter much whether it's a chicken-egg situation. It's kind of Dialectal Behavioral Therapy, blending mindfulness with CBT, helping the child (privately) identify emotional state.

    I believe my son spends a lot of time in the "blue" zone. While that's probably preferable to the "red" one (in terms of consequences), it's also sad when a child checks out/avoids/disengages from learning.

    If our children with dysregulation problems could learn more body/mind self-awareness, it might make the whole picture clearer (is this a poor fit, where is support needed, where is acceleration appropriate). It's so difficult to figure out what's going on with a child when they present with behavioral challenges.

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    Originally Posted by Dude
    My DD10 would appear to disprove this notion, as she exhibits the negative behavior above, and there are most definitely no attachment issues.

    I think that means she disproves the converse, not the proposition. Lack of attachment leads to this behavior, but so can other things (like anxiety, as discussed above).

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