Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Role of both parents in growing up gifted child

It seems to me there are several different ways to categorize this:

* Completely understanding and supportive. Understands giftedness and knows what gifted child needs and provides it.

* Not understanding but supportive. Doesn't really understand giftedness but still wants to give individual child what they seem to need. Doesn't understand what the other parent is doing for the child, but doesn't actively discourage it if the child is happy.

* Non-supportive, either doesn't understand giftedness or understands and doesn't care or is actively against it. Does not support the child or other parent's support of the child and even actively works against suck support.

First situation is optimal, of course.

Second situation is perfectly fine. There are lots of families where one parent is just a great, loving, and supportive parent without really focusing on the intellectual stuff. They love the child for who they are and if the child needs advocacy or enrichment, the other parents is there for that.

This third situation is more likely to be a problem. The key it to work toward the goal of having the other parent not actively be working against what the child needs and moving toward the "accepting child for who they are, even if they don't 'get' the child."

Notice that I've put this in the context of what the child needs. Children need all kinds of things to be happy and well-adjusted, and appropriate intellectual stimulation is only one of them.

I wonder if there is a more specific question that you want to ask, but are holding back for some reason?

If a child's individual needs are being met, then possibly it does not matter whether one parents feels indifferent to the importance of giftedness. It may just be a matter of perspective as I agree very much with the last paragraph of Ivy's response, "Notice that I've put this in the context of what the child needs. Children need all kinds of to be happy and well-adjusted, and appropriate intellectual stimulation is only one of them. "

But if you felt comfortable sharing more details, maybe this group could help more...

We all do, at first, so you're in good company here. You will learn from the pool of knowledge shared on the forum and from expert resources recommended and from your family/school... and practice advocacy and make mistakes and learn from those mistakes and then add to the pool of knowledge for the gifted community...

It will not be ideal, but it will be OK.

I know what you mean by "indifferent." My two kids get their, uh, "delightful quirks" from me and their father can NOT relate at ALL. He literally can't conceive why a kid would want to read or master a skill etc etc without being nagged to do so. He's just not wired like we are.

We've finally worked out the kinks and he just shrugs off the stuff he doesn't get and leaves it to me. He's a very involved dad in other ways, so it works. The important thing is that the parent who can't relate learns how not to interfere... then things run smoothly (well... relatively )

I am so thankful to each and everyone of you. Not only this is boosting my confidence, but also giving me visibility around possible issues and actions. And an ability to ask for more questions.

As Ivy has said, I have in fact following situation:

Non-supportive, either doesn't understand giftedness or understands and doesn't care or is actively against it. Does not support the child or other parent's support of the child and even actively works against suck support.

As far as need is concerned, I feel, "appropriate intellectual stimulation" is being addressed suitably. Though advocacy and parent teacher conference are bit tricky and awkward areas for me to handle.

My concerns are largely around social and emotional needs. First, what all I should be careful of and second how to address those issues.

For social & emotional issues specific to raising a gifted child, many find the book A Parent's Guide to Gifted Children helpful. It is co-authored by several experts in the field, including James Webb, founder of SENG.

Some things to be careful of may be seen in the you-tube video on Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnoses of Gifted Children. The video touches on myths, academic misplacement, context of "behavior issues" and other concepts. There is also a book by the same name. As with any child, depression and/or violent behavior may signal a need for professional help.

I do not think that having a GT child or an NT child makes any difference to parental roles.