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    Joined: Aug 2012
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    Perro Offline OP
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    Hello,

    I have a 7 year old child who is > 99.9%.

    I would like to know what is the requirement, significance and importance of both mother and father in growing up such a gifted kid. Who has a major role to play mother or father?
    What do when one of the parent is completely indifferent?

    Looking for advice.

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    Quote
    I have a 7 year old child who is > 99.9%.
    If you've not already done so, you may wish to check qualifications and possibly apply for your child to join the Davidson Young Scholar program.

    Quote
    I would like to know what is the requirement, significance and importance of both mother and father in growing up such a gifted kid.
    This may be different for every family, depending upon a wide number of factors such as culture, other roles in the family (including wage earners), support of extended family, siblings, type of learning environments available, etc.

    In general, it may be beneficial if the parents are in agreement with each other on major issues, constructively discuss areas of potential disagreement, express understanding and concern for each other and for their children.

    For dealing with issues specific to raising a gifted child, many find the book A Parent's Guide to Gifted Children helpful.

    Quote
    Who has a major role to play mother or father?
    This may depend on the relative strengths of each parent, and the particular needs to be addressed. For example, parents may divide tasks such as: being a sounding board for the child, helping to reframe child's experiences and providing guidance, seeking resources and opportunities for the child, learning approaches to advocacy and working with the school, etc.

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    What do when one of the parent is completely indifferent?
    It is possible that one's own educational experiences make it difficult to raise a gifted child; This might be something to explore. Depending upon the root cause or underlying reason(s), the indifference may be something which could change over time... for example as a person heals old wounds, or as a career becomes established and its demands become more predictable, or as a person gains sufficient background information and is no longer intimidated by the prospect of what lies ahead on the journey of raising a gifted child.

    It is possible for one parent to take on the role of primary responsibility for raising a gifted child. You may wish to seek other sources of support such as: DYS, local in-person gifted parent groups, this online forum, books for parents, and even books for your child such as Survival Guide for Gifted Kids (parent may wish to pre-screen to see if the book seems helpful for your child).

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    Looking for advice.
    You'll get lots of that here. smile

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    In my case the father isn't involved at all. I don't think it is any different to any other aspect of a child's life. Two involved parents who love each other may be the ideal but you make do with what you have.

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    Perro Offline OP
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    @indigo Thanks for such a detailed reply, links to resources and the assurance that help is around the corner.

    My kid does meet all the requirements of Davidson Young Scholars Program, except being a US citizen.

    Thanks puffin, in our case its opposite and as a father I do find it challenging and intimidating to navigate through this.


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    LAF Offline
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    I believe the role of either parent of any child gifted or not is to observe your child to see what your child's strengths and weaknesses are- and to raise what you have to the best of your ability. It can be a balancing act. All gifted children are different.

    You have also not said whether your child is male or female (or whether you are the mother or the father). Boys need a role model, but I have met men who were raised by a single mother who turned into amazing people. Would it be better if both parents were involved? Yes, but hopefully they would be on the same page about raising the child because if they were constantly at odds about it that can be a problem as well.

    If one parent is completely indifferent, then you can't really fight that- just pick up the slack. You cannot change them, all you can do is be there for your child.

    PS just read indigo's post- she made excellent points smile

    Last edited by LAF; 07/19/15 09:58 AM.
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    Perro Offline OP
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    Thanks LAF,

    Seems my posts are getting published after being approved.

    When you say "just pick up the slack", any suggestion or advice how and what to do? And what more challenges one can anticipate and how to prepare oneself to address those challenges.

    Thanks!

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    I'm not a great example I'm afraid. My father was very gifted and he left so I was brought up by my brightish mother who was not intellectually inclined. It left me with lingering doubts about my own giftedness and perhaps had repercussions on the way my life turned out (which is fine btw, just not stellar)

    I would say that as long as the parent with the child has an appreciation of giftedness and is willing to advocate all should be well in that regard.

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    Originally Posted by Perro
    Seems my posts are getting published after being approved.
    It is my understanding that new members may have a brief period of moderation. This may be to prevent posting of vast amounts of spam messages by new/unknown entities.

    Quote
    When you say "just pick up the slack", any suggestion or advice how and what to do?
    To pick up the slack is to do the work someone else has stopped doing but still needs to be done. This may apply to parents agreeing on roles, and division of labor, in raising a child. For example dividing tasks such as:
    - being a sounding board for the child,
    - helping to reframe child's experiences and providing guidance,
    - seeking resources and opportunities for the child,
    - learning approaches to advocacy and working with the school, etc.
    If one parent does not take on responsibility and follow through with it, the other parent may "take up the slack" by doing more of the work or all of the work.

    Unfortunately, there are many cases where no one took up the slack. Here I am going to link to another thread, Gifted adults - what did your parents do right/wrong. This thread shows the vast differences in support which gifted individuals have received, and is a testimony to resilience of the human spirit in developing one's gifts and talents throughout the lifespan.

    Quote
    And what more challenges one can anticipate and how to prepare oneself to address those challenges.
    Keeping in mind that every child, family, teacher, and school learning environment is different... in general, learning about a couple of things proactively is helpful.
    1) advocacy.
    2) learning differences/disabilities, and 2e issues: Special Education Law and Advocacy.
    You mentioned upthread that your child is not a US citizen. Are you located in the USA, or outside the USA? The challenges you may face, the learning environments and laws/customs/policies may differ. As the advocacy approaches linked above were formed by experiences in working with the education system in the USA, they may not be effective/appropriate with school systems outside the USA.

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    LAF Offline
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    Again, Indigo has made excellent points and I don't have very much to add smile But as a very simple example - if the mother of your child is indifferent to the fact that your child is gifted, I would say the first thing I would recommend is to provide a safe place for that child to be gifted. Provide stimulation in their areas of interest, as well as patience. Try to do this in a way that does not create create conflict with the child's mother if possible.

    The first thing I would do is learn as much as you can about giftedness and your child's giftedness. Since you are here, I think you are already started on that road.


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    Thank you kindly, LAF. It's wonderful when posts may resonate with one or more fellow members of the forum. smile

    Originally Posted by LAF
    if the mother of your child is indifferent to the fact that your child is gifted, I would say the first thing I would recommend is to provide a safe place for that child to be gifted.
    Agreed.

    This must also necessitate providing a safe place for the mother to be gifted. While this may seem obvious to some, not every culture or family values high intelligence in women; Some may assign roles to women, without a woman seeking or feeling well suited to a particular role.

    As a separate point, when a child begins to surpass one or both parents in one or more areas of knowledge and/or processing speed and/or making connections, etc... respect and deference are still due to the parents (gifted or not). Children benefit from learning and practicing respect for authority of every gender, creed, ethnicity, IQ... and compassion for individuals in all walks of life, whether they are in positions of authority or not.

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