Has anyone found a book on this topic that they found useful? I have a 4 year old and a 3 year old (both boys) and I'm feeling overwhelmed. A life raft in the form of a book would be SO very welcome. Thanks!

Welcome! I have read (or scanned, as is my habit) several. One that was particularly useful is "Parenting Gifted Kids: Tips for Raising Happy and Successful Children" by James Delisle,Ph.D.

A book I found useful when my kids were much younger (and before we realized they were gifted) was "Raising Your Spirited Child." It isn't about gifted kids per se, but a lot of what I read applied, especially to my intense and sensitive DS.

This forum has given me considerably more help than any of the books that I have read TBH

A classic is A Parent's Guide to Gifted Children by Webb, Gore, Amend, DeVries.

SENG (Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted) hosts parent group discussions on chapters of this book.

Depending upon your particular journey, there are many more good books at Great Potential Press.

I found forums, blogs, and websites more helpful than most books. Interacting with other parents in the same boat helps so much-- my DS has ADHD and he's gifted. I love coming here and reading the twice exceptional forum.

There is a website called Tools of the Mind-- sparse on information, but what is there, is quite helpful to teach self regulation/ purposeful behavior and scaffolding (extremely important in our family).

DW has been burning through books on this topic, and has never had one she'd strongly recommend until this one: Smart Parenting for Smart Kids

DW is still working through it, but she had me read a few sections that seemed apt for our DD10. One of them talked about how parents should NOT be teaching their kids, or even so much as looking over their homework, when they're that age, because getting criticism from a teacher or coach is very different from getting it from a parent. From a parent, they interpret any negative feedback as, "You're not good enough, I don't love you," regardless of how kindly it's delivered, and how much positive feedback precedes it. From anyone else, it doesn't come across like that, because they're not so invested in getting approval from teachers as they are from their parents.

It all sounded a little extreme to me, but there definitely seems to be something to it in our DD's case.

So, yesterday DD and I were coming home from her gymnastics class, and she said she wished I could do some of it with her, and I replied, "Actually, I was thinking maybe one reason you stuck with gymnastics is because your mom and I have nothing to offer on it." I went on to give a short summary of the book's point as above, and described how it was when I'd help her with math, or DW and I would practice soccer with her, and she'd have meltdowns.

DD10 fully agreed with the book on every point. She said that was exactly how it felt to her when we tried to teach her.

So then I explained how hard it is as a parent who loves teaching to refrain, especially to the best kind of student one could ask for, and DD10 did assure me that I do teach her stuff. In giving examples, it became obvious that the times I'm an effective teacher for her are when we're just "chatting" about a variety of topics... science, history, philosophy, human nature, etc.

Good talk. Good book.

So I guess homeschooling would be out, then?

I agree that the idea sounds extreme. It's also lumping all smart kids together into the same personality, so I think that YMMV here. I teach my daughter (just 11) and taught my eldest son at that age. Neither one of them reacts like they've been devastated by my saying, "That one's wrong."

My daughter is even getting good at telling me, "Mom, the way you did that made things harder for me."

I agree about Jim DeLisle's book.

I've found that many parenting books promote the authors' agendas and can make you feel worse than you did when you started looking for help. So my advice is to be very careful and be skeptical about anything, especially if it promotes itself as having lots of answers.

When I read how some people here homeschool their children, much of is sounds so great that I wish I could do it (if I didn't have to work). But... then I think of what happens whenever I try to teach my kids something - I mean actually teach a topic or a skill, rather than just discussing or answering questions. For _my_ children, it just doesn't work and usually ends up with a meltdown of some sort. I don't know if the reason is the same or not - but any feedback I give of their work - good, bad, honest opinion - is usually rejected. Any suggestion for improvement - rejected.

Either I'm doing something very wrong, or there's something about the parent/child relationship that is preventing the teaching. So I came to the conclusion I need to out-source, even (or especially?) for things I have some expertise in.

Thanks for the tip, Dude - going to look that one up!