Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy passive or active advocacy - what would you do?

Hoping to get ideas from you wise folks on a summer camp strategy:

DS7 (PG/2e) is at a public elementary school and LOVES his after care "Kids Club." The director of the Kids Club is a kid whisperer, and gets him more fully than any other teacher he has ever had. Example: "circle time" to start the after-school day was a misery for DS and several other kids. The director reasoned that it was tough to ask them to sit in such a structured "talk to" environment after a long day at school. Did she modify circle time? No. She eliminated it! They come from school and go straight into relaxing in whatever way is best for each kid. I could give many other examples of how she groks kids in general and DS in particular. Suffice to say, she's brilliant.

Director runs a summer camp. Last year, I tried to have DS with Director part of the time, and with other activities at other times. Big mistake. Director and her teachers are a huge support for DS. DS was NOT ready to hop from one setting to another without his trusted adult network. Lesson learned and this year, to the extent he needs to go to summer camp (so I can work), he is with Director.

For summer camp, Director has to hire some staff that are new to DS. As it turns out, 3 staff are teachers that have had training re DS and work well with him. Three staff are completely unfamiliar with him and struggles are happening when none of the staff that know him are around. E.g., one teacher had a Magic the Gathering rule WRONG (huge offense to DS) and when DS politely offered documentation of how the rule worked, the teacher basically told DS to get over himself. Another teacher claimed DS was lying when he said he couldn't "hear" her directions, not understanding that DS meant, "I know you gave me instructions and I didn't follow them, but everything was so chaotic at the moment that my brain couldn't process your instructions." As a result he was banished and denied a popsicle for "Friday treat time."

Honestly, these are good teachers using calm strategies that are ordinary and effective for NT kids. And it's really not possible for them to be trained on all the quirks of every kid that comes through the camp (the kid roster changes each week).

So my instinct is just to ask Director to let me know when there are days that none of his three known staff will be there. And those days, I'll have hi go in as late as possible with DH, and I'll pick him up as early as possible. ON the other hand, maybe I should get all Advocate Mom and meet with Director and try to get her to train her staff. On the other, other hand, by the time they go through the dismissal/denial/acceptance cycle it always seems to take to get people to understand a PG kid, summer will be over. So I don't know.

FWIW - we are in it for the long with Director and her teachers. They love DS a ton, now that they have come to understand him.

Any thoughts about my best plan of action?

Thanks for any help,
Sue

P.S. The "behaviors" this year are so much less egregious than in the past, that it's actually a victory for DS. But I'm not going to go into that with the staff ....

Personally I believe the Director would appreciate knowing of the circumstances and responses from the three new staff members who do not "get" your kid. Going forward, other children may benefit, in addition to your own.

IMO, an adult who does not thank a child for gracefully given facts, is not a good role model. It appears the adult had an opportunity to affirm the child and create a bond, instead this staff member chose to shame the child.

Staff members may benefit from knowing that difficulty "hearing" can go beyond the mechanics of sound, and may include auditory processing.

Knowing which days your child may be without staff who know him seems like a great strategy to combine with a discussion with the director. If late arrival and/or early pick up are allowed and do not cause your child to miss a favorite fun activity, that may be a great comfort to him on those days.

I completely agree with indigo -- and if you start with asking when those staff members will be the only ones there, and explain your strategy, the director will almost certainly want to know why, which leads into your discussion.

Indigo and Nautigal - what awesome, level-headed advice! I'm following it first thing on Monday!

Thanks,
Sue

Sue, I would add this. Ask them to actively support your DS in all the ways he needs it-- but also support him in becoming more flexible in small ways.

It is much harder to get understanding and accommodations at a camp than at school. But that also makes camp a good place to work on going with the flow.

He is getting to the age when you will be less and less able to manage his environment. Soon it will be more and more on him. I wouldn't pull him out when it gets rough-- I would educate the teachers and teach him to adapt as much as possible. That's best for him in the long term.

I know I'm late to the party, here, but I absolutely would talk to the director about the issues the staff has caused with your DS. Anyone who really gets him will understand that these situations weren't well-handled and that the staff need to be re-trained or re-shuffled or something.