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    Joined: Jun 2012
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    Just wondering how you all approach situations where you suspect a child may be gt either through direct observation or parental anecdote, yet the parents deny anything is up. Through my voluntary role in ECE I have come across the odd child who just seems to have it, or their parent has some of the tells of a gt parent and really seems to be struggling. Do you suggest that they look into giftedness or leave it alone.

    I'm at a stage where I don't care what people think of me in terms of being secretive but I do worry that if I go round suggesting a child may be gt and they turn out not to be I'll be doing more harm than good. Today I brought up programmes available for a young boy who fit the profile, his mother seemed receptive until she heard the g word then shut down.
    I am becoming more involved in the gt community and I'm in a unique position to reach children who would usually go unidentified but I am not a psychologist or teacher. Any tips? Should I just stay out of it?

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    There was one child in my son's daycare class that made me suspect he is GT - and his mother is aware but in her case, she has done her own research to understand he son's behavior. He has been the only one that made DH and I think he is out there on the GT spectrum while there are others where they could go either way so we don't say anything because at this young age, it is not something I would comment in due to the fact that there does seem to be a hidden stigma against true GT vs snowflake syndrome.

    From what little I have seen, it seems like some parents listen when things are not going well and their kid(s) crash and burn. In DS's School, one parent did not clue in even when the teacher was dropping hints the size of easter eggs until she noticed her mild mannered girl had enough and acted out. Another had a child eating clothes out of boredom.

    Some of it I wonder is that parents fear the stigma of giftedness that exists today, children who may be smarter than themselves, or who will derail what they (parents) foreseen as their path through schools and beyond. I know it was hard to realize that what we had taken for granted was totally turned upside down... I don't know I would have taken it seriously from another parent as I did from our psychologist - we had a hard time realizing DS was firmly in GT range, not just very bright or maybe, just maybe, MG. Granted, DS is still young, but actions we have taken already and his teachers have validated the reportings by our psych so far.

    Last edited by notnafnaf; 05/24/15 05:12 AM. Reason: Typo
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    I once suggested it to a mother who had actually asked my DH (science teacher) for advice, because the kid was treading water in elementary and complaining about it, and the teacher had suggested having him tested. The mother quite liked the idea of having a gifted kid, and did understand the sports analogies I presented (like making a gifted athlete play beginners all the time and never be challenged by a true opponent) until I suggested she might look into the congregated gifted program on the other side of town for middle school, because otherwise he might just continue coasting and being bored.
    The shock that having a gifted kid might actually involve some effort on her part to have the child challenged and might mean that she could not continue involving him in her sport the way she was doing now (as in hang out there daily and playing herself) nixed the whole idea for her.
    I remember suggesting earlier that the kid should be in gymnastics because he seemed incredibly gifted at that, even at a very young age (even more so than he seemed academically gifted, honestly, I think he might have gone far in that sport) and I was sure she'd be receptive to that, sports being the be all and end all for her after all. She conceded he might be, but that driving him there was just too much work and again, it was so much easier to just have him involved in her sport (where I am sure he is doing very well because he'd do well in any sport but simply does not have the build to go far).
    It is odd how someone who is presumably gifted herself, at least in part (one of have few people I've met who could beat me at SET) has such a hard time of letting go of preconceived notions and plans for her life.

    Last edited by Tigerle; 05/24/15 09:47 AM.
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    I agree that the response from some parents is puzzling to me. There is definitely a taboo out there, but I'm one of those who prefers to talk things out in the open in the hopes that my being honest and open gives others the permission to either do the same or at least the feeling they are not alone. I do this with everything (I'm a total over sharer - might as well put it to good use) so I will talk openly about my struggles with PND, financial ups and downs, parenting struggles etc.


    I hope that by just being out there about DD's giftedness (never the LOG) others will get a better understanding of what it is/isn't and I also take care not to brag/humble brag, just very matter of fact.


    I know some people find it off putting but overall I'm happy with where I'm at. We had a group discussion about whether IQ was innate and usually I would keep my mouth shut in that situation but this time I spoke out against some pretty offensive and just plain inaccurate "facts" that where being spouted. To my great surprise a good 1/3 of the room backed me up. Who knew?

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    Originally Posted by Mahagogo5
    I agree that the response from some parents is puzzling to me. There is definitely a taboo out there, but I'm one of those who prefers to talk things out in the open in the hopes that my being honest and open gives others the permission to either do the same or at least the feeling they are not alone. I do this with everything (I'm a total over sharer - might as well put it to good use) so I will talk openly about my struggles with PND, financial ups and downs, parenting struggles etc.


    I hope that by just being out there about DD's giftedness (never the LOG) others will get a better understanding of what it is/isn't and I also take care not to brag/humble brag, just very matter of fact.


    I know some people find it off putting but overall I'm happy with where I'm at. We had a group discussion about whether IQ was innate and usually I would keep my mouth shut in that situation but this time I spoke out against some pretty offensive and just plain inaccurate "facts" that where being spouted. To my great surprise a good 1/3 of the room backed me up. Who knew?

    Out of curiosity what are the offensive facts about innate IQ? Sorry if this has been covered already.

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    I don't use the g word. I tend to other parents things like "could benefit from enrichments" and "very advanced for his age."

    When we are on the receiving end, it can get awkward because we are maxed out on what we can provide for DD. I know people mean well but sometimes, it can get depressing to hear that we aren't doing enough.

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    Originally Posted by LuluBell
    Originally Posted by Mahagogo5
    I agree that the response from some parents is puzzling to me. There is definitely a taboo out there, but I'm one of those who prefers to talk things out in the open in the hopes that my being honest and open gives others the permission to either do the same or at least the feeling they are not alone. I do this with everything (I'm a total over sharer - might as well put it to good use) so I will talk openly about my struggles with PND, financial ups and downs, parenting struggles etc.


    I hope that by just being out there about DD's giftedness (never the LOG) others will get a better understanding of what it is/isn't and I also take care not to brag/humble brag, just very matter of fact.


    I know some people find it off putting but overall I'm happy with where I'm at. We had a group discussion about whether IQ was innate and usually I would keep my mouth shut in that situation but this time I spoke out against some pretty offensive and just plain inaccurate "facts" that where being spouted. To my great surprise a good 1/3 of the room backed me up. Who knew?

    Out of curiosity what are the offensive facts about innate IQ? Sorry if this has been covered already.


    Sorry I should have said ignorant comments.... btw this was a training session on children's education.
    Basically along the lines that high IQ is valued by the govt and schools are set up to cater for this, that people who think their kid at 4 is something special are delusional, that how can you even test for giftedness anyway when some people might be gifted mechanics or plumbers etc. Basically there's no such thing as giftedness/all kids are gifted....

    Mana I take your point - but it's the term we have and I'm using it. Also what I do is refer people to the gifted centre so they can get more information and support - not extension activities.

    For eg; yesterday there 3 mums who really appeared to have GT kids based on what they said, 2 clearly were on top of it, we exchanged knowing looks and nothing more was said. No comparisons or anything. The 3rd was talking about how miserable her son was at school and how the school had reached it's limit of resources. I then asked her if she had heard of a program the centre offers and recommended she checked it out. She asked who ran it and I told her the gifted centre. She immediately said oh no my son isn't gifted.

    This is a boy who is working 1 year above level and still crying most days after school from boredom. Being a small school they have run out of options - the centre is designed to help this sort of family. Sorry if that's too much info - just trying to better demonstrate the angle I'm coming from.

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    I also don't use the g word. I don't think it's an accurate concept anyways, plus, everyone should be able to have an optimal learning environment, whether his/her IQ is 99, 101, 129, 131, 144 or 146... I definitely share with parents who are interested about enrichment resources, ways to talk with teachers, organizations, experts, etc. I have never proactively approached someone though, if they feel things are fine, I wouldn't tell them otherwise. :-) For me, this kind of conversation usually starts when a parent complains that a kid is bored at school, or he/she can do so much more but what school offers is so limiting, etc.

    On the receiving ends, sometimes people would tell us things that we have tried long ago. That's why I feel awkward because I don't want to appear less grateful than I should be; but I also don't want to say "yes, we tried that and it didn't work" too many times...

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    All good points to consider thankyou

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    I know a child who was recommended for GT testing by the teacher, but the parent refused. She didn't want him to think he was special or better than anyone else. People definitely have different ideas about the importance of identifying giftedness so I tend to tread lightly in the area.

    All of her children are well rounded (good at sports, academics, music and popular socially) and seem happy so I'm not going to question her parenting decisions. Our regular GT program is kind of weak anyway and they tend to cluster the unidentified but high achieving kids in the same class with the GT kids so it probably doesn't make much difference educationally.

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