Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy no longer Thinking about short term homeschooling

I posted a while back about being worried we made a mistake by starting DD4 in kindergarten this year. I have been working in her reading at home, and she has been making improvements, but her teacher stopped me today to say they she is very exhausted in class and that she has lost her spark. She thinks she is feeling overwhelmed and giving up. This of course breaks my heart, and I wish we had kept her home another year. Then on the drive home, I started thinking, what if I homeschool her for the second half of the year. She could sleep in so as not to be so tired, and with the one on one education with me, I think I could get her academically ready for year 1. Then she could stay with her classmates in the longer term, but hopefully another 9 months would have her more prepared physically for the demands of a full week in the classroom. ETA: I wouldn't have to be officially registered as home schooling either as DD is under the legal age of compulsory enrolment.

I suspect DH will think I am over reacting, but it would also give me more time one on one with my daughter to work on some of the self-esteem issues that are emerging and the inferiority that she feels in relation to her grade skipped older brother.

It seems an ideal solution to me, but it's one of those things that I fear when I start mentioning it to my husband or the school, that they will think it is not such a great idea.

Some of my own concerns are

- how would I explain the idea to my daughter to avoid making her feel like she has failed somehow

- would she be ready for first grade, or would she just be overwhelmed again when she started the next year.

I guess those are my two biggest concerns at the moment.

first thing - it is not the school's decision to decide if homeschooling is a good idea or not. So I would not include them in the decision, especially as they seem to be indicating that she is not doing well now.

If you are able to homeschool for the rest of the school year, I am curious - what would be the reasons your husband would be against it? You may be seeing asynchronous development here - but - have you talked to your child to see if your DD feels that she is too tired? Sometimes "losing her spark" can have a different root cause than you think - so it is important to see what she thinks. Is it because she is tired or is it because the system/class is not working as expected?

I had stressed over DS starting a full day school at 4 (a GT program), but he adjusted to the schedule, and he was way happier there than at his daycare - and although he would be tired by the end of the week, he proclaimed that what he loved was how they keep learning new things every day. If he had stayed at his daycare and did their private K (which he was entered before we switched programs), he would have lost his spark due to the daily toll of being in an environment that did not suit him at all. We saw signs of that in just the one week he was in there before the other school started their year.

If it is physical fatigue, definitely homeschool is probably a good idea. Otherwise, you want to tease out what is really the problem.

Thanks for your reply notnafnaf


We really like the school and DD's teacher. They would need to be included in the decision to the extent that it is a small private school with waiting lists, and it would want to be sure DD had a place to go back to in year 1, and that she is at the level they expect for year 1. Her teacher is really supportive of her, and really likes DD, and I know she is struggling academically. She told me not to panic, and that she will try to think of something to do to help the situation. We are doing Psychoeducational testing next month, so we will get an idea of her IQ and areas of strength and weakness that should help with planning. She has a HG+ brother, and we have just assumed from her spoken ability and the comments she makes and questions she asks that she will test gifted as well. But it is possible that she won't. I am relatively confident she is not being under challenged, but maybe the classroom is not a fit in other ways.


My husband would be against it as it means taking a 6 month break from my own study, but I am willing to do that if I decide it is in DD's best interest. My husband would agree that DD is more important than my study, but he might not agree on the need to change, he might think she will get through it and be okay if she stays on school. DD does complain about being too tired and working too hard.

What if she tests much lower than you thought. While siblings are usually close in IQ it is a 70% within x not an absolute. Mine tested a full standard deviation apart which if my first had was HG would have made my younger MG or below. Bright but not enough for early entrance. If you pay for the second half of the year and agree to her testing in to first grade it seems reasonable but they may take some persuading. Also it may just be a temporary problem that the teacher can solve.

Great question puffin, technically, DD is not an early entrant in the public school system. The cutoff is end of July and DD is end of May. The private school she attends sets their cutoff at end of April, so she is a month younger than the cutoff for the school she attends.

If DD ends up scoring much lower, than she would probably benefit from being in a grade below. My instinct says once she gets past these initial hurdles, she will be okay, but a lower than anticipated score would have me questioning that. With the benefit of current hindsight,I would have started her next year, but if she is just a late bloomer, she will eventually benefit from being younger. I did poorly in my early years of schooling, but once I figured it all out, I was top of my class. I was on,y identified as gifted as an adult, but I remember my mom telling me that they had wanted to have me repeat year 1 or Kindy, I can't remember which. She said no. That would not have benefitted me at all in the long run even though I was a slow starter.

At least we are getting the testing now, and that can help guide where she should be from here on out.

I do know a HG+ girl who could not read at all until she reached her 6th birthday. I would't call her dyslexic as she can now read well in two languages but learning to read was a struggle for her in K. She was the youngest in her class and the school wanted to retain her but parents said no and it all turned out okay. Mom worked with her all summer before 1st grade and I'm sure that helped.

Do you think this school is a good fit for your DD overall? Does their curriculum match her needs?

Yes I think the school is a good fit. They really take the time to get to know each student and try to make sure both their areas of strength and weakness are catered for and supported. Working with the school and the teacher to keep her going is definitely an option, I am just not sure if it is the best option.

You mentioned your DD is saying shr is tired and feels like like she is working too hard... But is she able to tell you more? I recall (and seen) how much emphasis regular K had on skills like writing. I was surprised to see the amount of homework and dependency on those motor skills... Which would have been hard for DS since his motor skills are age appropriate but his capacity to learn new material was above average and the repetiton of same material drove him crazy. His current program does not have that volume and emphasis on writing skills in order to access new material so he is not expected to have same level motor skills of kids who are up to a whole year older than him, but rather, at his pace of physical development while allowing him to grow in other areas at a more rapid pace that keeps him engaged.


So - is the "too hard" being due to too much new material or due to something like constant pressure to be at same motor skill level as kids who are older? To me, those are very different at this age, when their motor skills may not be at the same level as their minds.

I would say see what the testing is... Even if she is gifted, her profile may be very different from her brother. So what works for him won't work for her. It is good that you are asking these questions if you have doubts on her placement... So keep following your gut and see where it goes.

I think if this was you're automatic reaction to the teacher, perhaps you had already been considering it. The teacher prob can help fix this but my opinion is you need to look long term, ie what is most important - a child happy and motivated at school, who is likely by your description of the school will be appropriately challenged or a child who gets to graduate k a year early.

I removed dd from preschool to unschool for a year, she has just entered school at k level and will be reassessed for placement in a month, the school has already indicated this will be favourable. So far it was the best decision I have ever made.
Ask your Dd what she wants, she may be relieved at the suggestion rather than feeling like a failure.

If DD is tired then homeschooling is not a bad plan for a while. It will give you a chance to observe what is going on re fatigue and also academics. Before you do that though, can she have a week off so you can gauge better what is going on? I am not sure if you have enough information to know exactly where you are yet.
She could be 'sick' for a week while you assess if she is just tired. A physical check up might not hurt either. Growth spurts can wipe my DD out as do minor viral infections. Iron deficiency can be an issue in growing children for example. Lots of reasons to be tired.

Have a longer chat to the teacher too. Are the physical demands of the day a problem eg writing tasks? Is it the increase in EF demands? Or is she just developing normally but a bit wiped out by the daily routine? How is she placed relative to her peers?

You mentioned academic struggles but is that because she is tired or the reason she is tired? Can be a bit hard to tease out. The additional psychoeducational testing will help but all the more reason to have a bit of time off before then so she is not fatigued for the assessment.

If she is developing normally but exhausted by the day then keep her home for the rest of the year and let her grow and get stronger. Practise some writing and reading if desired and re-evaluate her progress later in the year with a view to K or first grade as appropriate.

You can explain that she is very young and she is growing and that takes more energy for some kids than others so time at home is important so she can rest and grow. She can do academics if and when she is happy to do so and she will learn with you while her body catches up with her brain.

It sounds like you have a good school to work with and I am sure they would be happy to keep helping you plan a strategy that works best.

I also wonder about a growth spurt or some other physical issue (allergies? around here the seasonal ones wipe my kids out if they are on meds for them).

How did your DD do the first several weeks?

Apparently she has been struggling from day 1. We didn't really know until our first parent teacher meeting at the end of term 1. The teacher said the one thing she had going for her was that she was positive and always kept trying. She really struggles with handwriting. We have started OT for her. I asked her yesterday what she finds hardest about school, and she said reading and writing. She didn't really make any reading progress In term 1. I started working with her between terms and continued into the term, and she has finally moved up a couple of reading levels, but she is still in the remedial reading group, and struggling a lot with writing.

The teacher was saying she is physically tired, but also that she seems to be giving up a bit. She is not raising her hand anymore, and just not engaging well in the classroom.

I will definitely speak to the teacher more and hear her ideas. But if sending her was a mistake, no point in her continuing to suffer with it. I could take her outm, work with her at home, and as ndw suggested, the school could assess her level at the beginning of next year to find the right placement for her.

The only thing I am not sure about is that they have a preferred class size for primary and I think they are strict with keeping that for the Kindy year, so I don't know how they handle holding kids back in K if they have a full incoming class. They did suggest giving her till the end of year 1 before holding her back at the meeting we had at end of term 1.

Thanks for all the input. I will keep you updated on what we decide.

I had a chance to speak briefly to DD daughters teacher this morning. I told her I was considering and open to taking DD out of the rest of the year of K as I don't want her to be struggling for the next few years. She said DD is really struggling, but that she also sees a lot of potential in her, particularly in math, and that she would be flying if she had spent this year in preschool and then come to K next year. She said the potential she sees is what has her thinking we should try to get DD through. She said she will have a talk to the head of K-2 and we will discuss what to do going forward. As I have mentioned, I really like both the teacher and the school, and I put a lot of value in their opinions, so we will see what comes out of further discussions.

It breaks my heart to see my lovely, kind, considerate, and bright little girl thinking she is no good at anything.

it sounds like your teacher is very genuine - you do need to temper everything you are advised by the school that they are first and foremost a financial organisation. Dropouts cost money - I don't know what their waitlist is like, but I would try to investigate if the school will benefit from your daughter staying if your gut is telling you no.

It is possible that she is gifted AND she is not developmentally ready to read and write yet. This was part of why I started homeschooling DD7. She is still not a fluent reader, but the literature/science/history I'm doing with her is (at a wild guess) 6th grade level or higher. (Some of it is what I teach to my undergraduates.)

It is definitely very hard to see our children in a difficulty but there are loads of positives in your situation. You are right there for your DD trying to find a good path for her and you are receiving support and have good communication with the school. Between you, you will find a solution that works. You have options of homeschool or maybe preschool? for the rest of the year if you all decide K isn't the best option right at this moment.

Give your daughter a cuddle and tell her you have heard what she is saying and you and the teacher are working it out. It's hard to learn when you are tired and because she is a bright girl she can learn at home or in preschool or at school and you just need to see where she is happiest learning. You have probably done that already I am sure.

Yes, exactly. DD15 is now among the best writers in her college cohort, but man, was that ever a white-knuckle ride. We'd hoped for a median outcome there, as little as four years ago, and when she took the ACT/SAT just 2y back, she was still on the up-going side of the arc, so her scores on the writing portion were not anything like as impressive as the rest of her profile. At your DD's age, she could barely manage to print a few words before it was just too much for her, and she avoided writing. She could reliably write her name, and not much else, because-- asynchronous development, see. So in the space of 11 years, she compressed about 16 years' worth of development, and even that isn't really an accurate look at what it looked like. Writing was her weakest link. It was a real struggle developmentally until she was nearly 14 years old, and then suddenly she WAS ready, and she spread her wings and it was almost as though the previous struggles had never existed. So she spent 3rd grade through 11th grade being "about average" for grade level, and that only reluctantly-- and then suddenly it happened within about 18 months-- she jumped from 50th-70th percentile to 95th and rising-- among her academic peers, I mean-- those seated next to her in classes.

It was developmental-- and idiosyncratic.

I agree wholeheartedly with MegMeg that you can 'tune' homeschooling in a way that allows for that kind of developmental arc, but it will require some fortitude to provide some "push" on skills that are non-preferred. DD was too stubborn, so that's why after 2y, we put her into a cyberschool. We retained some flexibility, but she also had to answer to someone besides me, and to meet minimum standards.






One word about the "socialization" part of homeschooling-- this is generally something that people who have actually homeschooled tend to LAUGH at.

Nowhere, in my own opinion, is this more true than with HG/HG+ children-- because when you compare the value of interaction with a fairly uniform(-ish, anyway) group of children in an artificial setting like a classroom.... which is tightly controlled, and reflects pretty much nothing resembling the entire rest of a person's life....

versus interactions with a wide variety of people engaged in a wide variety of other pursuits--

seems pretty easy to note which of those is MORE likely to give such children an opportunity to forge genuine connections with others, and to learn how to communicate with a range of people.

Just remember this-- as a parent, it's really not your goal to help your child become The Most Well-adjusted Fifth Grade Student Ever.

It is a long road, to be sure, but the goal is to produce an adult who is independent, capable of emotional self-regulation and genuine, caring relationships with other people in a variety of settings. Right?

So consider the child that you have in front of you, and listen to your heart. Not all of them NEED peer interactions the way educators have been conditioned to think of them.

Just a thought, as your daughter has expressed misery in both reading as well as writing. As best as I understand, there is a large portion of people (20-30%? It's incredibly high!) who will struggle to learn how to read without explicit phonemic teaching, even though they would not qualify as dyslexic per se. Unfortunately, most schools rely more on implicit, context and sight word approaches. Whether you homeschool or not, you might find it useful to try an Orton-Gillingham-based reading program at home with your DD, something that starts from scratch and teaches every new phonemic step clearly and explicitly.

We are using All About Reading as remediation for a grade 3 dyslexic, but the program is set up to be a starter learn-to-read program for anybody. It's fully scripted and easy for a parent to use at home. A big benefit for DD was that by going back to absolute scratch and teaching every step explicitly, she was always working on reading activities *she was capable of doing*. This was a huge confidence boost, and in only a few months, changed four years of screaming refusal to read a word, into begging for a chance to read to me - from the program materials, where she knew she wouldn't deal with words she had not yet learned how to handle.

Your DD is young, and it may well all kick into place soon without any help. However, a kid who's learned to hate reading and thinks they can't do it may need a lot of support and confidence boosting to get over that fear and negativity. For us, the change in confidence and attitude is extraordinary - the fact that she is starting to learn to read is almost incidental.

Thanks so much for all your responses and support. I am feeling much better today. I spoke to DD's teacher again, and we have decided DD will remain in K, but they will not focus too much on her benchmarks or push her too hard. Her opinion is that DD is not developmentally ready yet for demands of the K curriculum. She says much of what used to be done in K is now done in preschool, and the K curriculum is quite demanding. They will help her to enjoy the year, and be really positive about what she is getting done. If she makes a developmental leap and reading and writing click for her before the end of the year, great, she will go on to year 1 next year. But if not, she will repeat K where her teacher thinks she will be top of the class.

I had misunderstood her teacher the other day, I had thought she was saying she wanted to push DD through to year 1 because she saw potential, she actually meant she DIDN'T want to push her through because she sees potential. She doesn't want DD's desire to learn to be crushed because she is struggling. She wants her to excel. She said they have plenty of ways to extend her next year if she does repeat and then becomes a very strong student, such as sessions with the gifted and talented teacher and working on above level material.

This school is new for us this year. At the school my DS attended last year, I struggled to get the academic challenge that he needed, and I think that influenced my thinking on it being better for DD to be young for her year if she turns out to be a strong student. But this school seems much better at assessing students and ensuring appropriate academics ( in fairness to last years school, they didn't have nearly as many teachers and staff at their disposal), so she should be challenged no matter which year she ends up in.

I know their are mixed views in repeating, but DD could have waited to start until next year, so I guess it would be more like undoing a mistake and starting her too young instead of making her struggle for years as a result of it.

It will be helpful to have the results of next months testing too!

I am glad you have a good plan and are feeling better. You are definately making me think. We have signed DD 4 up for kindergarten next year rather than the transitional K (i.e. preK) that she should be in for her age. She just barely misses the cut off so we hoped she would be fine. I realize as I am reading your post that your kindergarten sounds far different than the kindergarten that my older DD attended that did not meet her needs. The kindergarten that I am putting DD 4 into is actually at a gifted school and I suspect will be quite different but we really made the decision by thinking about DD8's experiences. We don't have testing done yet either and I wish we did as it might make me feel more secure in this decision. Oh well, hopefully we make it through the year and can always repeat if needed. I just want it to be a year that she enjoys.

Just make sure she understands that if she repeats it is because you and the school made a mistake and put her in the wrong class. The other thing about exhaustion - is she an introvert? Just being in a room with lots of people all day can be exhausting and if the school discourages playing alone at breaks she just might be peopled out.

Coveln, they are all so different, and going with your best instinct now is the best you can do

That is good advice puffin, I definitely don't want DD feeling like she failed in any way if she does end up repeating. She has her psycho-educational assessment this weekend, and there are only 2.5 weeks left in the term. Hopefully we will go into next term with a much better picture of her educational profile.

Fine motor is definitely a challenge with writing being a struggle. I want to make sure we don't let that interfere with getting an accurate picture of where she stands and whether to repeat or not. Then again, I don't want her struggling too much with the writing demands of year 1. Anyway, no point getting ahead of myself, I will see what the assessment shows first.

I will keep you updated on how the assessment goes, and I am sure I will be looking for more advice about how to proceed depending in the results.

Just a thought, does your Dd's school allow a few days off here and there?

In the first year here parents are encouraged to keep kids at home or have a sleep in if they are tired. Maybe a 4 day week would help for a while

We had DD's assessment today. We won't get the full report for awhile yet, but she said DD ested in the moderately gifted range on woodcock Johnson. She saw areas of concern including eye scanning/tracking issues and sound production involving sh sounds, writing difficulties, and not having mastered letter sound correspondence. I think the recommendation from the psychologist will be to repeat. She even mentioned the idea of trying to switch DD to the preschool mod this year so she can doesnt have to struggle through the rest of the year. Although the teacher can also make the rest of K easier for her without sending her down to the preschool. If we plan to repeat. I guess next step is another meeting with her teacher to discuss.

It's great that you will soon have some real information to start working with, and can start to tease out whether there are underlying causes to address, or if your DD just needs a little more time to catch up developmentally. Given the flags above, you may want to try to fill in the psych's finding with assessments of auditory and visual processing. Both can cause issues with learning to read and write, and can end up looking a lot like dyslexia.

Hang in there! The assessment stage can get pretty overwhelming for a while, but then it all starts to come together and make some sense, and you will find the right way forward for your DD.

That's a nice idea. I don't think they encourage this, but luckily DD does not seem quite as tired lately. I have been trying to get her to bed a bit earlier.

This is last week of term for us, then the kids have 3 weeks holidays. Over the holidays, DD will have an assessment with a new behavioural optometrist, and she is also having a full assessment with a speech pathologist. I believe the WJ-III Cognitive that she took does cover some auditory processing. I believe DD is still too young for a lot of auditory processing tests?

I am looking forward to seeing her full psych report and seeing her areas of strength and weakness.

I don't like not knowing which year DD will be in next year. I know we have to wait to see where she how she is doing at the end of the year, but I just want to know. DD said the other day, "I am nearly halfway through K", and I thought, or nearly a quarter of the way through . . . Then the other night she said, "I don't want to go to term 3 mom, school is too hard". And I want to tell her its okay, and if she is not ready, she won't have to go to year 1 next year. (ETA: of course this is not how we would phrase it, it would just be that we made a mistake and she is not the correct age for year 1, which is technically true since her birthday is a month past the cutoff) But how will she take that news, relieved? disappointed? And I don't want to just give up on keeping her going, but I also don't want to push her too hard if she is going to be repeating K anyway.

It is hard enough to advocate when you know what you want for your child, I am torn. I know I am doing the right thing at the moment, collecting information, and giving her another few months to see how she goes. I guess I am just impatient to know something that can't be known yet.