Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments Acceleration and sibling question

Yep. It happened in mine, only when I avoided the talent area (music), it found me anyway, as the teacher sort of discovered me by accident. I'm pretty sure the fact that I subsequently participated at the highest levels, just as my brother had, that it had a far more profound negative effect on his self-esteem than anything I earned on my report card.

I have always found the recommendation not to skip a younger sibling based on the perceived effect on the older sibling to be baffling. If a child needs acceleration then why should they suffer the negative effects of not accelerating because it might impact the other child? Why is the older sibling more important Such that their needs can over ride the younger one's.

Surely the solution is to not ignore the potential impact of such a skip on the older child but to put support mechanisms in place for them as well.

Like others I have definitely seen the impact of one child being identified by other siblings as the smart one and so other roles being adopted. But it had nothing to do with grade skips and had a lot to do with individual personalities and a fear of being compared or not wanting to be challenged. It definitely should be addressed but not by discouraging the child who is doing well but supporting the one who is not reaching their potential.

Having said that all children have a right to be different as long as they choose their path for the right reasons not for perceived inadequacies and as parents we have an imperative to support each child individually and not deny needed opportunities.

It is a tough question, especially when I did another skip. I am glad that I do not have to deal with that as a parent, having one kid.

And sometimes kids don't get any identity. I was the smart one and the athletic one. But he does have a nice life. Though it still haunts me the comments he made about this stuff when we got older. I am sure he never thinks about it.

I too would vote that avoiding the skip doesn't necessarily avoid the problem. My older brother was never academically strong (I now wonder - a lot - about what he could teach us about our 2E children if anyone in my family could admit there was anything to talk about). I was never skipped - but I was doing my brother's homework before I even started school, my friends were always of his grade not mine, my marks were better even though I did no work, and I compressed high school to graduate at the same time he did.... children are incredibly aware of the differences among classmates, never mind among siblings. To this day, to my great sadness, this incredibly creative and intelligent man considers himself the uniquely not-smart member of a smart family. Accelerating me wouldn't have made this dynamic any worse (but would have improved my lot considerably).

Instead, give each kid what they really need. And pay a lot of attention to their unique strengths and weaknesses, so each gets the support they specifically need, AND the room to fly where they were made to. Celebrate the differences, let them each be proud of themselves and of each other's unique accomplishments, rather than make both kids feel like they are wrong to be who they are.

Oops, sorry about the soapbox. I just don't think this kind of sibling problem is solved by pretending it isn't there - which is really all avoiding acceleration does.

Update: met with our district gifted coordinator and DDs current principal to discuss options. Based on her Cogat and MAP scores the coordinator felt DD would do well with any type acceleration - subject or whole grade. They left the decision up to us as a family. I was really surprised. So now we have some decisions to make and lots to think about. Thank you all for your thoughts and sharing your experiences.